Remind me of how I'll find
The ninth circle of Hell
When departing this life
At the sound of a bell
The very notion
Of our lonesome memory
Robbing me of sleep
As a thief in the night
Steals my soul to keep

What began as an innocent felicity
Has now twisted itself in so many knots
To remain hidden and unseen
I can't believe
That I ever found reprieve
While bound by your eyes
It was all an obscene dream of schemes
And seemingly serene alibis

I've stopped eating
I'm growing feeble and weak
The surmounting toll of this life
Has reached its low peak
Realizing you were merely a fantasy
Entrenched in the deep
Out of reach

For now we share secrets that echo
Through a window with curtains drawn
Eventually I know you'll let go
Because I said so
When everything else is gone

Remind me of how I'll find
The ninth circle of Hell
When departing this life
At the sound of a bell
The very notion
Of my lonesome memory
Robbing me of sleep
As a thief in the night
Steals my soul to keep

Love and Fear

Are tender devotions
They lose momentum
Relenting to stay in motion
Like trying to capture cavitations
Lost in an ocean
With a camera out of focus
Hoping no one is knowing

If left unattended

They become relentless
Measuring up
To everything and everyone

If lead astray

They stand unafraid
Demanding they're defended
By anything and anyone

If unanswered

They feel resented
As if guilty of treachery
Left unsentenced

Keeping still my heartbeat
Just to stay alive
I'm sorry that I lied
I'm sorry that I died
Before you happened by
My demons lay at night
Before you came along
I wouldn't even try
I wouldn't even try

Take me down to the breaking point
Where I soften and forget
All about disappointing you
Or what could be misconstrued
Disestablished, or casually deflected

For still I watch helplessly
As camoflauge intercepts my language
I can hide and be strange
Or pleasant and fake
But it doesn't make us any less estranged
Yet when I'm pretending
There's no mending my mistakes
Because they break us
Like a fault line when the earth quakes

When the message you're sending
Is much too diplomatic
I need to feel the pressure rising
I need a triumph of humanity
Static rolling through my fingers
Charging my frozen feet as I linger
On those last choice words of yours
Retorting lightning fire out of my mouth
My ears still ringing
From the weight of their impact

Keeping still my heartbeat
Just to feel alive
I'm sorry if I lied
I'm sorry that I died
Before you happened by
My demons lay at night
Before you came along
I wouldn't even try
I wouldn't even try

I can be so condescending
Like my response to your questions
Are forever pending
Another moment in time
But I can't pretend
Like I'm some mysterious riddle
I try to be clear and keep things civil
I try to disappear
Only with me in the middle
My broken heart is simple
Which makes me a criminal

It's never enough
I'm sorry that's too much
Stealing my serene
Leaving me unclean
And never free
Deceit ultimately leaving me
To my heart's lonesome conceit

Keeping still my heartbeat
Just to stay alive
I'm sorry that I lied
I'm sorry if I died
Before you happened by
My demons lay at night
Before you came along
I wouldn't even try
I wouldn't even try

You are not coming home
You're only visiting mine
The path I've carved to the bone
With my blood and sweat
When you left me behind

We're expecting connections
From two dead cells
Yet there's not a flickering light
No prospective spark to find

I want the best of both worlds
Knowing I've driven you away
While coping with the anger and confusion That leads me astray

I don't need restitution.
I don't seek retribution.
Here I see no resolution.
Let there be no delusion.

Perhaps there's a part of me
That will always care
About what you think or how you feel
But honestly it's hard for me to be real
When the wounds never mutually heal

My heart is repealed
Until your story's revealed
Maybe when Hell freezes over
Or pigs grow wings and fly
Suffice to say

I've grown older
Fulfilled in my own ways
Chasing epiphanies and revolutions
I've become colder
Concealed in my own space
Now I've found the ideal solution

Simply (smile)
Give you an illusion

The one who fights for a righteous cause
Will expose to sight all uncouth flaws

Wise are the ones called
Fools
Who won't see through a clever
Ruse

Today I reached for you
With a kind of virtue
And sincerity pressed behind
the design on my lips
Little realizing I was still reviling
Within my current remiss

I went and sinned again darlin'

There's little to do for recompense,
and so cordially I professed to you
all of my candid truths
With every intent
To avoid becoming uncouth
and elusive

Because... I do miss you
And I suppose I well knew...
You don't feel the same
I could feel it the instant you responded
Not the least bit concerned
Which was well deserved
Leaving me completely despondent

I need you to remind me
Just how lost my heart has become
And what that has cost anyone
Trying to reach for me
When I become undone

Somewhere in between
the real desire to reignite whatever fire
had transpired between us
With a new flame
Lay my hidden ulterior motive

Even I believed we would achieve
Something constructive
Yet my devious mind
Deceived even myself
To harness this abject,
self-destructive desire

Call me by my real names:
Heartless.
Narcissist.
Liar.
Coward.
Creep.
Thi­ef of catharsis.

Remind me of the same feeling
Delivered in your own unique way
Because I can't stand
To let myself ever forget again
This pain in my chest
Is everything to remain
It's all I have left

When I brush my teeth
I wish I could rip all of them out
Reach down my throat
And drown my stomach in Listerine
to exhale and feel cold air
rolling around my mouth

When I shower
I wish the water would devour my skin
To peel it away like acid rain
So that I could be blissfully naked
And clean once again

I imagine being able
To jump out of my bones
Like a fish swimming upstream
Against the winding current
Knowing it's headed home

Because even while devising lines
Of adjectives strewn together
I vividly imagine tearing fragments
of my hair to be born again
In a plume of Phoenix feathers

If I could crack my neck
and set forth a cleansing vapor trail
My backpedaling steps would vanish
In the path forward left unveiled

If I could step outside the line
of attempted perfection
Maybe I could change my perception
And face my reflection

But the problem is
I've learned to love this Monster
Through our constant battles
So even when I'm seeing clearly
I feel him near me
Sleeping in the shadows