-"Someday I'll love myself, every bit of myself, but not today, today doesn't belong to me..."

"Sweet child, everyday belongs to you, every single one of them, they're all yours.  You are to use them wisely, every one of these beautiful, dreary, sad, wonderful, and scary days...My dear naive one, you breathe the very essence of life, deeply kept safe and tucked away in the corner pockets of your soul. Everything you've ever needed in this life, has already been given to you, open your eyes, you aren't dreaming. Awaken what is true to you; open your heart, free your mind, let go of insecurities..Free the light that's been trapped for so many years, just let go, let go..."

-"But what if I'm too afraid? What if I can't achieve all of these aspirations I have? What is it you presume is holding me back?"

"Listen child, it's not about the "what ifs", you must know and understand, they don't actually exist. You've put them there, barricaded yourself in, and quite frankly, you're so lost you've forgotten the way. All these walls, all this stone, you must dismantle it, slowly, stone by stone, day by day. Be patient, and you will see, everything will fall into place, slowly but surely. Take your time, be kind to yourself."

-"You see, all this stuff I've been through, it hurts, it all still hurts. I know it's in the past now, but just how do you expect I get over all of that?"

"Someday, sometime soon, and it may have already happened, but it'll occur to you that all of this suffering you've had to endure has gotten you to the very time and place you are now. It's all for a good reason, though you may not see it so, it is true. Everyone, they're all here for a reason, all of you serve a higher purpose. However, I don't hold the knowledge of what that is. That's up to you to figure out."

-"I'm just...so..confused, and everything isn't the way I thought it would be, I'm just not happy.."

"I think you've been missing the point, happiness isn't something that can be held in the palm of your hand, it's a feeling, a beautiful and wonderful feeling. I know, not all is as it seems to be, life is very deceiving at times. Some people will trick you, break you, and just hate you. It's up to you, don't let all of those discerning people get you down, they don't matter on your path. They don't walk the same road you do, and never will. So forget about it, and move on. Don't wallow on the little things. It's not worth your time, and that, I can confidently tell you, you won't have enough of...Are you beginning to understand?"

-"I think I'm beginning to..

And I will wait for you
Like the broken glass
of a window
Forgotten, and never fixed

I'll always be waiting-
For you to open the door
and not the window
© 2014 Christina Jackson

Love is amazing, lovers that is. You can be sitting in the same coffee shop, two tables over, on the same day. When you see them, you'll know. It's an unmistakable energy, flowing from them, a brand new life source, it seems. True love, oh, what a beautiful thing. You can tell, you can see it. They may not see the beauty in the shining light radiating from them, as if they were wearing an extra layer of skin. Such beauty shines through, when two lovers step in. You see, they love so much, and feel so much, the love begins to spread. You see it, and you see the dread, slowly leaving everyone's faces, as if God walked in and showed them all the way. I've never seen such beautiful a thing, as when two lovers pass by me. I look, I smile, and carry on my way. When you witness such a love, it almost takes your breath away, as if all the ice inside your heart, could just melt away. Love is, the beginning, the middle, and it has no end. There is no other way, than to love, be loved, and eventually float away. Pay closer attention, when you're out and about, you never know, two lovers may come along and just warm your heart.  
© 2013 Christina Jackson

Death is but the beginning
of our never ending lives.

Fear not you sweet soul
We all live but a thousand times.

Death is insidious
Death is wise
But Death,
death is not kind.

We all face our death
before our demise.

Each and every day we swallow our pride,
we all die a little inside.

Yet

Do not mistake death
for end of life.
For its not but
the giver of time.

© 2012 Christina Jackson

Twas the night, the night
I could not sleep, through
thy gentle eye, my iris's
would peek, and sing
a lovely song, that puts me to sleep.
A melody so charming, I think
It's time I dream, of all those
sheep, and they dance about
my head;  98..97..96....almost to bed.
Those persnickety little voices,  just wont
hush up, it seems I can't find
the mute button.
Just my luck
© 2012 Christina Jackson

I know you
I know your soul

Deep down into the darkest corners
of your pain and strife-

I have searched and found,
there is magic in your eyes

The type of magic you see
gleaming from a newborn
just discovering the world
for the first time.

Ancient melodies flow through
your bones as if the universe
is speaking through you-
In cosmic foreign tongues.

Your heart speaks to mine as if
we've known each other for
millions of lifetimes.

There is a comfort in knowing that
I will always carry your heart within mine.

The connection between self and soul,
is something only spoken in fairy tales.
It is wondrous and fantastical.

The magnetic pull of the earth
is constantly bringing me back to you.
As if no other existed before, and no
other will exist after.

There is only the here and now
All we have is this moment and
this breath of life.
The air traveling through our lungs, the
blood pumping in our veins-
It is all we have.

We are all living on borrowed time
and you are timeless.
In all essence and glory
You are the reason I keep drawing
breath from these often weakened
lungs.

The pain you feel travels through
my heart and soul-
As if lightning has struck when
you run into an existential wall.

I know you
I know your soul
It lives within me
You are part of my daily breath
and it will never leave me.
© 2015 Christina Jackson

There comes a time in ones life when certain things that once mattered so much, don't mean anything at all. And you ponder the truth beneath your bare and naked bones, when your soul can only endure so much before nothing matters at all. There is only so much a person can take before life engulfs them in the shadows of who they once were. I believe in beauty, and I believe in pain. However, when the two collide, you succumb in weakness like a knife plunging directly to the heart. If not for the little beautiful things in life, and if not for the immeasurable pain we go through that causes us to die inside, over and over and over again. What then, would life be without strife? And what then, would life be without knowing that beauty live's in each of us, and we haven't a **** clue how to let the beauty shine so bright? Eventually it blinds those that couldn't handle your flaws or your imperfectly perfect life. Those absent eyes pierce directly through your soul, and you haven't a clue where the *******'re going or what to do. You're left with nothing but the painful and bitter truth of being human.
© 2014 Christina Jackson

The never ending battle
Between good and evil
Whom will prevail?

In the eyes of the hopeless
Holds and endless rage
For eternity
our minds trapped inside this cage

This answer you seek
a beautiful glass box
and In it carries a key
Oh could it be,
but the key of destiny?

Thousands of years
We've tried to find
A lost secret
That forever binds
Man to mystery
We've been colored blind

A mere mask
will uncover thine
Beyond those grand trees
Hides a path so wide
One man alone could never ride

That precious word we call time
Doesn't exist on this climb
A fight for morality
Our battle for the like minds

Many a tears we've reaped  
To no avail
The truth we are here to seek

© 2012 Christina Jackson

I want to let you in

Courage or courtesy; who will win?

If I never find the courage to tear down these walls
Please forgive me, if I’m not courteous about it
Don’t let me fall, cause I want to let you in

Strength or weakness; who will win?

If I never find the strength to let you in
Please forgive me, I’m fighting a battle
I can’t seem to win
If my weaknesses are too much for you to bear
Let me know, I’ll excuse myself
And you can simply forget about me

But if my ability to have the courage and courtesy
Never falter; and if my strengths and weaknesses
aren't too much for you to handle

By all means, you’re welcome to stay a while.
Cause I want to let you in
I want nothing more
© 2014 Christina Jackson

The light in him is slowing dying out
Those beautiful rays that once
illuminated my entire life,
are dying out
LIFE;  The human life is but a
fraction of a second in history
Our lights don't keep shinning on
forever, on into infinity and beyond
Just as the light bulb loses it's
essence and then burns out
We are the light bulb, only
given so much time until it's
thrown away and changed out
Oh beautiful love, with your eyes
radiating so bright. Please,
don't burn out. I need you
to stay a little bit longer
Don't die out. You are not
allowed to leave me here
in this little hell.
© 2014 Christina Jackson

When the wind blows loosely across
my sun-kissed skin
I can feel you-
Running through the veins of my
hallowed out hopes and dreams.

When I close my eyes in the dark of night
I can see you-
Running through my littered distraught
mind.

You wake me from my dreams
Bolt upright, lungs feel airtight
I'm gripping my sheets, gasping for air

I can still feel you here
In spirit and soul

I never truly understood the
nature of suffering, until you
left me here.
© 2017 Christina Jackson

I see more than you know
As well, I see what you fail to show.
Those hidden in discrepancies
So blatant, you glow.
With lies, hidden beyond promising eyes.
What you see and what I see,
are parts of two different worlds.
A different half to another whole.
You only see what you want to see.
And trust me, It shows.
I can't begin to tell you,
how much you don't know.
I'll bet you didn't know,
I still have all those notes you wrote.
Way back then,
before cell phones were considered "in".
What seems like a lifetime ago
and although you haven't seen me in years,
I still want you to know.
That I always did love you,
regardless of her.
And even though,
none of us did win.
here in then end.
And with each passing day,
I can still feel your breath upon my skin.
like a blowing breeze against my whims.
Never quite touching me.
A gentle brush,
sweeping past my lips.
And in that moment
you cease to exist.
But all I really want,
is your lips upon my lips.
For the rest of my life,
just one lasting kiss.
That erases the bad, the ugly, the pain.
I really can't explain,
why you still make me feel this way.
So many years have passed
It makes absolutely no sense.
I thought time would fix, fix all of this.
But I'll never forget,
It's you that I'll always miss.
© 2012 Christina Jackson

I don't want to wait for a sign from the universe anymore, what if they're aren't any signs?
I don't want to wait for a sign for you to tell me you love me, cause what if you really haven't all along

And I've been sitting here like a fool, just waiting for you to tell me what's going on.

I don't want to wait for a sign anymore; my heart has searched, only to turn around, look back, and walk straight out the door.

I can't wait for a sign from the universe anymore, what if they're aren't any signs?

And you've been searching and searching, but you couldn't find, that one sign.....So you gave up
turned your back on love, you thought the signs were showing you things.

Though you fear the signs themselves have already revealed what you've held deep inside for years.

I don't want to wait for a sign from the universe anymore; I already know what I want, I just don't know what I'm searching for.

Every choice I'll ever make
the answers are already within me
I'm changing my perspective on life
Cause' I'm tired of waiting for destiny

© 2013 Christina Jackson

I loved you more than words could ever show-
You were this cosmic rope holding an infinite sea,
keeping me afloat.
A million lifetimes have passed since we first met-
I feel as though that rope now has been cut,
The door once open and welcoming, now shut.

I need you here now
I need you to see me silently bow-
And praise the universal gods that led me
to you.
Because after all, without you how would
I have learned to feel, truly feel something real?

With every heart string that’s plucked,
I bless the life I’ve been given.  
You showed me what could have been,
and what will never be.

And as much as my bitter heart breaks, every time
that thought invades my mind, I’m still grateful.
Eternally and hopelessly grateful for you.

The window once open has now
since been shut.
Everything and everyone in my life-
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
© 2016 Christina Jackson

Sign your name upon my lips
I'll sing you a lullaby
Nighttime closes around you
Filling you with lovers bliss
Until you've drunk the poison
L**eave me shaken not stirred
© 2014 Christina Jackson

Death was on his doorstep-
Calling his name

Pulling him in to the darkest
parts of his brain.

Love called his name,
but death shouted louder
Love replied "death, don't bother"

Death slowly crept through little
cracks between his windowpanes

Love cried out "Leave this place!"

Terrified, he didn't know what to do-
So he welcomed Love and Death in.

They slowly devoured him..
© 2014 Christina Jackson

When the leaf bud sprang and blossomed
I had always thought I was getting what
my heart infinitely wanted.

The sea of brown elevated my confidence
to masterful ancient artful levels

Though it wasn't you that had the mark
of the devil

You were a servant of the skill through
use of intellectual endeavors

Craving the red stained sweetness of
this rebels varying medieval
edible lips

All along the wood planked
grooves
Was a tactical move
one could not so easily forget

© 2014 Christina Jackson

I hear the tick
and the click
and the beat of the drum

the sound of thudding
within my ear drums

It beats loudly
as the music strums
Softly and slowly
your voice hums

a beautiful tune

I must have assumed
that beautiful tune
was your heart beat
making music for me

You must have been amused

Now all the chords have been broken
The violin plays the saddest song tonight
Forever entwined within the notes
radiating from your subtle lies

This is the part in the chorus
where I fall to my knees
and plea for a different reprise

Kindly ask my heart
for the sense and sensibility
To start a new life

Those masterful musical notes
you wrote, are deeply embedded
Within a monstrosity of tangled
windpipes and heart valves
© 2013 Christina Jackson

An object of fire
Is much to be desired
The heart is an *****
with multiple disorders.
The head and the heart-
are not so smart;
When *** and lust,
play a key part.

No one is safe
everyone's a target

I'm glued to you
like a magnet.

Our bodies intertwine,
resulting in pent up
magic.

Fantasies we've come up
within our heads.

Oh ***, ***; a dreadful
yet delightful sin.

© 2014 Christina Jackson*.

I can feel it, deep within
Something's blooming inside of my heart
Penetrating the depths of my soul
It's knocking and knocking
I'm no longer afraid to let it in
A phoenix rising from the ashes
Infinitely renewing its beauty,
time and time again.
My heart is calling to the wild
A feeling as wonderful as
the gentle touch of a passing breeze
gliding across my skin
This invisible thread
tugging at my heart strings
Pulling me closer
to something beautiful and new
Not a lot in life makes sense
But I know one thing
that will always be true
Love has no middle, beginning
or end. Love has always been
And love always will
© 2013 Christina Jackson

Early morning shadows
spill onto the grass
The trees look like people
casting theatrical plays upon the fence
Swaying back and forth
gently amongst the wind
Early morning shadows
make my heart sing a wonderful tune
I'm watching the time creep by
as the sun gracefully moves across the sky
The shadowed petals make a beautiful design
as if they've become larger than life
Early morning shadows
are such a delight
© 2013 Christina Jackson

Where has love gone?
Into sunset, through dawn
to oceans astray, albeit
just one more day

my journey
has only just begun.
To the ends of the earth
I shall run

out into the vast galaxies beyond
just one more day
I’ll wonder away
into your arms

© 2012 Christina Jackson

Words cannot explain the way I feel
at this moment.
I watched you die, I watched you
slip from this life.

Chest compressions, nurses on top
of your hospital bed giving you
CPR and trying to save your life.

It took you five hours to die-
3 critical codes. cardiac arrest.

I saw your heart, the echocardiogram
Your heart was beating so slowly,
I could barely watch what was happening
outside of the emergency room.

I felt numb, I felt nothing;
in the moment, I couldn't feel
a **** thing.

I have cried many times and
I feel absolutely guilty for going
out to dinner, and spending time
with friends and family without
you here.
I know you wouldn't want me
to stop living my life.
But by god do I feel guilty for
trying to live my life.

This poem isn't eloquent or even
beautiful. However, I feel I had to
release this pain I've been feeling.

It's as though a knife has cut straight
down from my chest to my stomach.

This pain is inconsistent-
heart disease is so common
Most people don't even think
about it until they are in the same
situation.

I can't write anymore,
if I do I'll end up falling apart.
© 2016 Christina Jackson

Once a lover, once a friend
I don’t know why I love you
Or when this began.
But, every time I look into your eyes
I try to hold back my painful sighs
I tried to speak to your heart and
Quickly learned our demise
I know you’re scared, I am too.

You needn't be afraid
Maybe it’s too late, to express how I feel
It would be a lie, if you said this wasn't real.
The days and nights we spent were clear.
They were filled with love, and filled with fear.
And now I must apologize to you dear
I Left without a word, nor a trace
I’m so sorry you can’t find me in this place
I’ve been lost far too long
For you to sing me your song

© 2012 Christina Jackson

Fleas have a certain authority about them
They won't leave you be-
They **** and they ****,
until you start to bleed.

Once invaded; Almost impossible
to have exterminated.
They come back, crawling upon
your doorstep.
Questions come to mind-
Why must you keep coming
back?

You've bled us dry- There
once was everything.
Now life suffers such
terrible lack.

Persnickety little pests
they terrorize your entire
life.

Take back what's yours-
Don't let the fleas eat
you alive.
2014 Christina Jackson

I used to think I wanted to live in the city
high above with all those grand lights a glow
I used to be afraid of the dark, until I
realized it was the darkness that I held.
Black as night, no shadows were cast
I feared nothing anymore, finally, at last.

I used to think the stars visible in the city
were the grandest gifts known to man
Until I traveled Into the darkness of
tightly winding trails. I found myself
gazing into infinity, looking back through
time. Millions of light-years away
the stars I now see are opposite images
of the black that once filled my life.  

I used to think a lot of things, but now, I know.
I used to fear a lot of things, but now, I don't.
If you don't step into the darkness from time
to time. You may risk never finding yourself.
© 2013 Christina Jackson

Do you ever feel so broken?

You haven’t a clue what it is
that’s left you feeling so hopeless

Lying awake at night
In the dark
Staring at the ceiling

Wondering why?

And I-
shed my skin
Layer by layer
by layer

Peeling away all of the dead
Scabbed and scarred bits

The shell of what was
No longer lives within the
lining of my skin

The bare and bitter truth-
Of what once was, or what could
have been

I’m naked
I have nothing left to offer
or give

And I rid myself of my many
masks
Disregarded the ceramic,
stone, paper and concrete
Dishevelment of my past

And so, I threw them away
Never to be thought of
or seen again

In the trash they'll stay

Forever will I proudly wear
the true essence
Of my inner and outer being

Simply me
© 2014 Christina Jackson

And if I could cry-
for just a little while
My body would run dry

Tear ducts, like air ducts
I need a replacement
The ventilation is all wrong

Misty and fogged glasses-
Impair my vision
Remove them and I am blind

Blind to the heartache-
the metaphorical bleeding
inside of my mind

Every day the pain grows-
Grows roots, roots that once
kept me grounded

Now I'm surrounded-
by the demons I once
banished

Rip the roots from my feet
and all I'm left with is nothing.

Nothing but darkness
and blank space

Dark and deep
The black hole In which I keep you
Swirls infinitely

I brace myself for impact
the meteorite sets it sights
on my chest
****** target, take aim and
gain flight

Don't miss, you'll regret it

I could be angry, but what's the point?

You're gone forever
and never coming back
© 2017 Christina Jackson