all i could muster to say
is *******
you took me
and held me
and left me
and kicked me onto the ground
to grow in the forever dusting
surface of the earth
from which i have now
come to love
this is where i have belonged
for much too long
now i see no difference
everyone passing by
crushes me
and god do i miss the way
you feel
and touch
and talk with your breath
but you've left me here
to dust on the surface
of the earth
not to be found
not to be touched
not to be loved
for not even the dust
will mutter my name

i do not have a way with words,

everything that I say

means nothing.

I have nothing to whisper

about the trees

or the waves

or the way you talk

with your eyes

or the way i spend

nights on nights on nights

burning away my insides

becoming what I fear

I knew I'd be

but this is me,

and this is all I know how to be.

when the drugs just won't let you rest

and your sleep is no longer a priority

your mind can't find any balance

your heart can't find any beat

and your lungs continue to cry

as long as your eyes are stained with salt

and your bones are as brittle as brittle could be

and your legs are almost out

your whole body is almost out

out of the life you had inside you

crawled right up through your mouth

to rot on the concrete

for others to laugh and see

just how broken your bones are

just how bad one can be

the poems that i write
aren't even enough
nothing is enough
to let this burning in my chest
free from all distress

i dont want to write
any
poetry about
you
but i've found myself
sitting in front
of my
computer
unable
to think
of any other topic
so here i am
thinking about you
again
this is not how
i want it to
be
this is not how anyone
would want it to
be
leave me be
like usual, you see
for i am here
and you aren't
into me

oh but what am I saying
you never came around
but were you ever really
around?
or was it me
was it all me
just playing with my own hands
and reaching with my own heart
to find some kind of love
to find some kind of part
something to latch inside
inside my lonely heart
attaching to whatever
whatever it can find
to keep itself in tact
to keep myself aligned

dear god please
stop your ******* mess
stop ******* with my head
and hiding in my bed
and outstretching for my heart
and wrenching it apart
and playing with my hands
and laughing cause you can't
retain anything in
from hurting me within
and ******* with my mess
my mess of a heart
so ripped and torn apart