I'm messing up
And I'm messing up bad
And my dad says to not worry
But we're losing the house probably
And I haven't done anything with my life
And now every time I mess up
I'm back to being fourteen
I feel you now
It was fast
Everything is so fast now
And I breathe in and you're in the air
I scrub my skin but you're in my veins
I cry and your the salt I taste
And I want to throw my head back
But you're the water above my head
And I have never wanted a promise kept so much
But I've messed up
And now I just want to be more numb
Than any pill I've ever taken

If you wanted to know,
Then yes,
I like you
If you wanted to know,
Then yes,
I love you
If you wanted to know,
Then yes,
I adore you

Everything you do mesmerizes me,
From the way you move to the way you talk
The way you smile and the way you look into my eyes
The way you nervously look away,
If you wanted to know,
Then yes,
I care
And I notice
And I see
What others don't

If you wanted to know,
The heart wants what it wants
And my heart
Wants you
Flaws and all
I am blind to all of them
All I can see is You
Past the confusion and pain
And all the time gone by without gain
I thought you were gone for good,
But look,
You're back
Walking beside me
Exactly where you should be
By my side, in my heart
Stay here and don't depart.

Late nights
the glow of the tv
lighting up our otherwise
drab basement
I mean, green carpets, really?
and I played Sonic the Hedgehog
all night long desperately
wishing for the speed to outrun
my problems
and the fact that I couldn't sleep
because my bedroom was underneath
my parents' room and I could hear
the thunder of impending divorce
rolling around at the speed of sound.

i fell for you
i trusted you
i cried for you
i begged for you

you broke me
you lied to me
you wrecked me
you laughed at me

i got fixed
i learned
i grew
i left.

Lay me down
      in those fields  
         of silken flowers
        where the buzzing
        over our heads
       whirls us into
   lightspun holy
my dress a metaphor
for loneliness
as you lift it off
and let it disintegrate
into the evening's
electric ether
your lips
    undoing the tight
       leather laces
        that have held my
     heart in place
until now
Now.
undo them
   in unfurled totality
let my feminine essence
drip, in non-verbal words
onto your fingers
let my elements
   light you up
    from within
firebrand sunset
in molten metallic sheen
indigo lip of ocean
melding into crackling
            hiss of earth
               and humming
                   under this
                dark rich loam
              tiny vibrating buds
     sprout from fossils
trilobites become
hazy with new moss
seething insects
lay eggs and spawn
feeling the bloodpulse,
that simmer of surface
in slick magnet energy
Curled stems of wild
poppies and zinnia
tie down my wrists
snake around my thighs
clasp my
tender-***** ankles
as if to open me
up even more
than I thought
            my soul
                   could go
and I do not resist
for soon they will
accompany you
as you decorate my
deepest womb
              with blossoms          
filling me with your
soul's seed
your musk-scented fervor
nestled, subaqueous
into the root of
my sweet
       deep
of  
  need