**** a love story
Let me tell you a true one
A flesh and blood story
That might get a bit gruesome

So a boy meets a girl
The way a brain meets a bullet
She's got her finger on the trigger
As he begs her not to pull it

She answers every text
And laughs at every joke
He drinks it all in
Until he's ready to choke

So he says it, "I Love You"
And she doesn't respond
He starts waving the white flag
Wishing instead for a wand

He says "forget it, we're friends"
She breathes a sigh of relief
While with everything he has
He hides his signs of defeat

He acts like everything's normal
She thinks that everything is
But underneath, he's a wreck
He cannot settle for this

So he tells her again
And then cries her a lake
When she says it would be best
If they took a little break

So a couple of months pass
As he tries to forget her
With every one of the blunts passed
He wishes he'd never met her

One day she calls him and says "hey
I've missed you, let's catch up"
He thinks her mind's changed
But, she just wants to get lunch

So a couple of months pass
And it seems like nothing changed
Because for her nothing has
And for him it's the same

She looks at him with those eyes
And so again he tries his luck
The noose in her smile
Tightens and ties him up

He runs home wishing
That he'd never have lived
Love was his only ambition
Life should be better than this

So what's the point in living it?
He thinks, as he chambers a bullet
One finger on the trigger
As he begs himself to pull it

The cold steel touches his lips
The way that he wishes hers had
He pulls the hammer, it clicks
Only one way to reverse that.

He puts the gun down
As he picks up a razor
And carves into his arms
All of the ways that he hates her.

This little poem mumbled
To me in our sleep, the
Little things the morning
Leaves: flowers
Of the strangest kind a
Cloudy sky might find beneath,
Above my head as I walk
Upon whatever the night
Rain swept through the
Streets. Reminds me with
My eyes half opened busted
Seams, spilling still such
Pillowy things, of the
Prayer I washed down
The bathroom sink, oh,
And the eyelash I think you
Dropped in my dreams.

I wonder if God
    sees our numbered
breaths, how many
     have been & how
many are left,
millions of digits
    shifting above
our heads;
the old woman
 on the park bench
        with just 500 left. 
The jogger with 100
   between now &
        tonight when he
will exhale
     for a final time.
I should scale mountains,
         stare at the sun
  make my amount
  count, every last one.

Day 1. I was in complete denial, but I thought about dying.
Day 2. I cleaned my room and it didn't make me feel any better.
Day 3. I cried so ******* the phone with my dad. And it was his birthday.
Day 4. I knew you replaced me.
Day 5. I started thinking about other people.
Day 6. I went out by myself for the first time in my entire life.
Day 7. You asked me out, and I was terrified you were going to leave me again.
Day 8. I heard a song that made me think of you.
Day 9. I saw you at our bar, and it ruined my night.
Day 10. I went home and snuggled with my mom, and she told me that I'm not allowed to say your name anymore.
Day 11. I stayed up for over 24 hours because I didn't want to see you in my dreams.
Day 12. I spent the night with a man who makes me feel like a queen.
Day 13. I watched a black and white movie and the main character looked like you and I didn't cry.
Day 14. I didn't check your facebook.
Day 15. A man gave me $300 just to spend the night with him after we drank scotch.
Day 16. My anger has turned to nothing. I feel nothing about you.
Day 17. I saw you on the street and slowed my stride so I wouldn't cross paths with you.
Day 18. I'm okay. And you're horrible. But I wish you the best.
Day 19. I hate you. What is Valentine's Day without you?
Day 20. I miss you. But I never want to be with you again.
Day 21. Who will I watch Game of Thrones with?
Day 22. The man I've been seeing is so much better at *** than you.
Day 23. I'm so bitter that you replaced me.
Day 24. I can't listen to Alt-J anymore because it makes me cry over you.
Day 25. I wish you would've just stayed and came to Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Day 26. You're welcome for buying you "Life is Strange".
Day 27. It makes me so sad that I won't be able to quote South Park with you anymore.
Day 28. I love you, but I hate you.
Day 29. I fed you popcorn when we saw Star Wars and it felt like we were back together.
Day 30. You've made me feel grief more than any family member has passed.

I am aware, I need to let go
That all we once were
Has flown out the window.

I know it has been long enough
How can you look so happy
And I look so rough

It is easy to see, just not accept..
Tears swell my eyes
I draw my breath

Your smile reflects my rotting insides
I try avoiding your gaze
As you walk on by

I can pretend to be just fine
Not putting myself out
To be left to dry

To the moon and back?
Forever and a day..
How can we be friends..
When you threw it all away?