There is a person
   Who has feelings
      Who is troubled
         Who does not deserve to die

               There is a person
                  Who makes me sad
                      Who makes me mad
                          Who does not deserve to die



There is a person
Who I want to hurt
Who I want to put in the dirt
Who deserves to die

He reminds me of myself
He can never be me

thirty years
since Mark gunned you down
thirty years, passed
like a long sleepless night
that ends with taunting morning light
no brilliant sunrise grandly pronouncing
a glorious new dawn of man
although that would have been your plan
with your entreaties to give peace a chance
and imagine, imagine, imagine

now I kneel in this rain gray park
like a reject from some holy ark
a pilgrim in doleful disappointed pose
after seeing what your earthly brothers chose
was not to imagine a world of peace and love
but to wear reality like a cast iron glove
making mockery of your martyred chants
proceeding like a billion scurrying ants
deaf to your childlike pleas

across the soaked soil where your ashes lay
yesterday and today…and tomorrow
I feel the soggy sorrow
that you would have felt
if you could still see
all the rage of humanity

(written 7 years ago on the 30th anniversary of the ****** of John Lennon)

Every time around this month I get upset.
Not that it was your fault or anything,
but it was at the same time.

Every time around this month I can't wait for it to be over.
There's just too much that was lost.
Not that I was a miracle, because I was, but again, I wasn't.

I just get upset. Not the sad upset.
It's an angry upset.

But why'd you have to go so soon though?
You didn't even make it until Christmas.
I was only thirteen....
I was just getting into the 8th grade....

You said you wouldn't die. You noticed something was wrong and you asked.
At first I said I was fine and continued watching you and Zach play the game.
But you stopped playing because you saw my lip quiver and you asked again.

I couldn't look at you...
I didn't say anything until after I realized I was grasping you with dear life and sobbing so hard, that the air was burning my throat.
You asked me one last time what was wrong.

As I said, choking on air and sobs, "I don't want you to die."
...I always wondered why you laughed a little when I said that...
You gently pushed me off a little and smiled at me, "I'm not going to die."

I have never cried so hard in front of my dad, or my aunts before...I haven't even cried that hard in front of my siblings.

"I'm not going to die," huh?...
Then where'd you go, Dad....
Did you go on a road trip, just hoping you'd come across me to say how much you've missed me?...

All those "I'm so sorry for your loss." sentences mean nothing anymore.
I just shake their hands, give a smile, and say, "Thank you."
But sorry won't bring you back...
Sorry? Sorry isn't going to call my phone and I'm not going to hear your voice saying, "I'm sorry I kept you waiting."

I need you, Dad.
What am I going to do without you?
I know its almost been 5 years, but I can't do this alone!
I miss you so much and it hurts..

I just can't do this anymore, Dad..
I need you....
...Where are you.....?

I was fixing some of my poetry,
Just now.
I went to type something.
But autocorrect somehow works like fate.

I figured it would be something simple.
Like changing a few letters.
But I didn't get just that.
It auto corrected to your name.

And I miss you.
So much I can feel the empty cavity
Where my heart isn't simply because...
It belongs to you.

I keep feeling this pain.
And sometimes I wonder why.
Why you aren't here,
Why I can't see you.

I wish we could facetime,
Or text or relay
Messages through friends
So I could talk to you again.

But I have seven and a half months
Yes. I've been counting.
In my head and out loud.
On the days I need grounding.

And I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you

I miss you every day
All the time
And I don't know why I can't seem to stop.

...
Stupid autocorrect.