with the way things have been
i never want to write a poem about you
because if i do
then that means that you, too
will have left me with my own thoughts
writing poems about you to cope
with the permanent eclipse that is my life
for i have lost my sun
writing about the darkness hiding the light
that was once mine

you make me so anxious.

i don't understand why you don't like me anymore
i mean
i do know the answer
but not in the context that is given
if they have forgiven me
why isn't that enough

why isn't their happiness enough for you
when you say that's what you strive for
you are the thing that makes them this way
the thing that makes them anxious
the thing that kills their creativity
the thing that keeps them from making positive relationships in their life

the fact that i am not able to be in the same room as them makes me sick to my stomach
without their worry of getting in trouble
for asking me how they can help
for asking me what's wrong when no one else would

maybe i'm looking at this all wrong
maybe they don't want me in their life at all
but they're too nice to admit that
out of fear of hurting my feelings

that's never what they wanted
but you couldn't see that, now would you?

i sometimes get tired of poetry
poetry that keeps me up at night
thinking of al the wrongs i've done in my life
losing you
hurting them
losing myself

i've learned to like the poetry
poetry that made me think of you
and all the times we've had together
and i've come to realize that those memories should not be forgotten
those memories should be dug up on occasion
on weekends where there is nothing to do
but sit and look back on the good times

as i wake
the warm embrace of the sun's heat greets me hello
sneaking peaks through my curtains, not quite yet invited inside

the breeze of this autumn day gives me the chill of a beautiful chorus
the fallen leaves crunching on the ground in respose

these are the times i look back at my life
i stop and say
"things do get better"

i’m so lonely
i never wanted it to come to this
i never thought it would come to this
only me to comfort myself
as i’m the most tired i’ve ever been
at 3:00 am
with just me to console myself

you cannot tame her
she is as wild and free
as her hair
which i love running my hands through
late at night
when all we feel
is the bliss of each other’s existence