I know you're not mine,
But I can't help feeling jealous, you know?

Stuck in my own misery
The twists and turns never seem to end
I can't find my way out of this labyrinth of sadness

Lately I have lacked a great deal of inspiration to write...
Why is it? Why can't words flow in my head? Is this even right ?

It is said that a person picks up a pen when they're falling in love or their heart has shattered...

"You should tell him how you feel. If you really want him that badly, you should. If you don't, it means you never really wanted him."

*"Okay... But how can I tell him if I always get **** nervous when I'm around him? How can I tell him if the words are always stuck in my throat?"

Tell me...
Why can't I find what others have found?

Why hasn't that "someone" arrived yet?
The person that I will cross paths with; not by accident but by destiny
The person that will come into my life to stay
The person that will adore me with every bit of their heart
And show me that love is not conditional?

She loved him.
He loved her.

So why did it end?

Because love and compatibility are not the same thing.

Mistakes.
Yeah, we're all humans and we're not perfect so they're normal
But thing is I keep making them every single time.
It's like someone telling you to not go through this certain path because there's a hole, and you see the hole and you assure them that you won't, but that's the first thing you do.
You then get out of the hole, but you keep going through that same path again.
And that's me. I keep going through that path and falling and getting out, falling and getting out, until one day I'll  fall again and won't be able to climb back out.

I'm gonna miss you.
That's all I can really say.

I want to tell you how I feel
But when I'm with you
My heart stops
My mouth opens, but I'm left speechless
I try to make out the words my heart has told my mind
But all that comes out are a slur of words; nothing's understandable
I don't want the beautiful words I have to say to you
Turn into a mess of unfinished thoughts
So maybe I think I'll say nothing at all...

When I'm down I try
To be happy but sadly
It does never last.

Even sitting here alone in the darkness,

It doesn't get me any further away from my problems

It doesn't help me become blind to my problems.

Was I that easy to forget?

Well, at least I know how much you actually loved me.

Please don't hug me
Please don't make me laugh
Please don't give me that smile

Don't you see I'll get even more attached to you, when I'm trying to let go ?

That's what pain truly feels like,
A constant roaming in the shadows of the night

You have a face full of beauty,
Sadly a mouth full of lies

Forked tongue spitting venom like a snake's duty,
But oh how I still miss you when I look at the sky

I remember the good times we had like if it were yesterday,
But I never saw this coming, never thought I'd have to say goodbye

What more is there even left to say,
But just let out a relinquishing sigh

Although my heart aches at the thought of being apart from you,
I will walk away, for you have opened my eyes

The harsh reality that I was a speed bump,
On your journey to find the one

I thought there was love between us,
But I should've known that before it even started we were already done.

The world outside my home is an ugly place.
People call me names
People bully me
People just hate me
And I don't know why.
What did I ever do to them that made them
feel such hate towards me?

Some days I come home with bruises on my knees
Or just simply with tears running down my face.
As much as I didn't want to face the horrors
that awaited me outside each day, I still did.

And now, each time I look at my scars from the past,
It reminds me of the brave and invincible person I am
today.

Please don't tell me you love me if you don't mean it
Please don't hug me if you don't even want to be with me
Please don't talk to me if you're going to be feeding me with lies
Please just leave
No matter how much I wanted you in my life
You have to go
Because loving you is like trying to find daylight when you know it's  already dark.

Promises are lies
They're never guaranteed
Because
Promises are never... promised.
But somehow, we still choose to believe in them
Because it's the only thing we can hold onto
That gives us a small ray of hope
That promises made
Will be promises kept.

When you looked at me maybe your pupils didn't dilate

And maybe when you looked at me you didn't
feel that rapid heartbeat in your chest  

But the lack of affection didn't break me down

It was my extremely high levels of adrenaline and dopamine
I got everytime I was with you that turned me into a cadaver

"Oh, did he break your heart?"*

More like I broke it.

Oh, just look at me
So sad and fragile and weak
From not being able to have a chance with you
But now it's like I can see through...

All the beauty I thought you were supposed to be
Has turned into something too hideous for me to see
I can finally let go of this weight that's been hanging over me

That                                  Smile
   Of                ­                Yours
      ..                               ..
            It                      Is
                    Perfect.

If you enjoy the sun, then go outside, have fun.

Just remember that each time you go outside, wear sunblock every time

Or else you'll get burned.

You're like the sun,

You light up my life,
But you also burn me.

I miss not caring about what the world thought of me
Never mattered who saw, I always did what made me happy
Now everyone judges who you are
But sometimes society pushes it too far

I miss being so joyful and full of cheer
I was happy, even if bedtime was near
Now everyone just knows how to stress and worry
There's no time for leisure 'cause we're all in such a hurry

Back then people used to play with dolls and such
Now people play with hearts and see sad faces too much

Oh, I miss being so carefree
Never mattered what the world thought of me
I was always so happy

But then you're thrown into this cruel place
Funny yet sad how you think this was something you'd never face
I remember how I used to say "I want to be older" all the time
And now that I grew up, I think, *Man, how wrong was I...

For you I've cried tears
Rivers of tears
That turned into oceans of tears
In which I have drowned in their sadness in which they came with.

Some people smoke
Some people drink
Some people do drugs
And others fall in love

They all die in different ways

I love you so much...

No I don't need you.

Um, I think you do...

No because I don't love him.

Hmm, I think you're lying.

No I'm right. I don't want him, I don't need him, and I don't love him.

Sure, whatever you say...

Nothing is good. Everything's bad; there nothing but darkness.

*Then why does the moon and stars exist?

I have walked a long way, have made a long journey
At the beginning of my voyage there was a smooth road ahead of me
I thought that this was going to be easy
But oh, how wrong was I.
Later boulders and rocks made me fall and scrape my knees
I began to bleed
But I got up and said I was going to complete this journey.
Later I encountered rainstorms that left me damp
Earthquakes that shook the whole world around me
Wild fires that left me burnt
Blizzards that left me freezing
And hurricanes that desroyed everything
And again I fell, but I couldn't let it stop me
Then a mounatin came into view
And I started to climb
I fell once, I fell again, and I thought I was going to die
But I decided to give it one more try
And finally I made it to the top and saw the sunrise
But I looked ahead and saw that this journey wasn't done just yet...
I looked at my scars from the past and remembered what I've completed and what brought me to today
So I put a smile on my face and continued, because I knew I was going to be okay.

As I slash the flesh from my wrist
And the blood from my veins grow hot,
I count the seconds until the light from my eyes fade away
And as I'm drowning out I see flashes of memories here and there
But the ones that stand out the most are the ones who led me to do this to myself.
The only form of escape I have.

Why do I even care so much about you?*

The hardest question I've ever asked myself,
And still cannot find the answer to.

You were the rain that put out the fire
of hatred that used to burn me

But rain can also create floods
In which you can drown in sadness

This little kid and I were talking the other day...

Look at my knees! They're all bruised because I fall a lot!
Ouch, that must hurt.
A little. Do you have any bruises?
Oh yes. I have a really big one somewhere.

He looks down at my knees, but sees nothing. Then he looks at my arms, and sees nothing either.

What? I don't see any. Where is it?
Here.

With my index finger, I point at my heart.

Your heart? How can you have a bruise in your heart? I don't get it.
**You will when you fall in love, kid.