Like smoke in my lungs, it is an acquired taste that I could not bring myself to quit. And now that I have, the flavor is unprecedentedly toxic.
2. Your name is merely a catalyst to my relapse. You turned your head away from it then, and I know you will turn your head away from it now.
3. To hear that beautiful arrangement of letters coming from my own lips only reminds me of the genuine smile on your face that you can only have when I am gone. And every time it makes me wonder if I truly mean it when I say I am happy for you.
4. I cannot reconcile what is with what could have been. Maybe if I was still yours and you were still mine, it would be endearing to say your name.
5. When it's 4 am and I am falling apart in my half empty bed, I cannot find the breath to utter your name between sobs.
6. I have spent too much time pretending that your absence has had no affect on me that I have not yet grieved. But, I could never pity myself without shouting your name into an empty void.
7. Maybe I am only idealizing you, but his name left a bitter taste and I have been craving yours on my lips.
8. I cannot say your name because I know that if you were to turn your head in recognition, I'd get lost in those blue eyes and fall for you all over again.
9. There is no logic behind how I inherited the right to say your name. Since you have left, this complacency is eating me alive and I am only left to wonder why someone so beautiful would have ever touched a soul like mine.
10. I cannot speak of your name any longer because it is no longer my privilege. It is hers to say now.

Jealousy, what a nasty thing. I was asked to describe it.
Jealousy is when another little girl takes your doll. It's the first time you have a crush, and you see another kiss him on the playground. It's when you look at the other girls and compare yourself. You simply cannot stand to be in your own skin. You want, no, need to be them, to be like them, to be with them.
Jealousy is when you're never quite good enough. There's always that smart kid that shows you up in class, always someone with better grades. When you were almost valedictorian, but someone else got it by one fourth of grade point.
It's when you fall in love and you watch them walk away. It's never enough. The summer before college and your high school sweet heart is going out of state for college, and so are you, but somewhere else. You never thought you could be jealous of place.
It's when you're with your friends and they don't listen to you talk, and they don't notice when you no longer talk. When you're the one alone on the side walk.
Jealousy is your heart, slowly turning dark as the happiness of other peoples' lives dance by, because for you, nothing was ever good enough. Not even yourself.

its a new year but I'm still the same i will never change from the monster i am I'm sick mentally if i would die i would die with no soul so probably would burn they say death will take you to a better place but i don't believe it because I'm already dead and i still don't feel no love what am i suppose to do pray to a god who never answers me back well the only comfort i have is from my blade and sleeping away the pain I'm only sane in my dreams.

is it because i can write and because i never give in until i win is it because   i fight until theirs nothing left of me until i can't breath or is it because I speak my mind all the time i don't beat around the bush or because i hate the way i am or because I'm loud and I'm insane i can hear the voices screaming but i choose to ignore them and live another day what else do you want me to say i got nothing else to say today anyways

my mind is screaming as loud as thunder cracking throughout the sky as i lay i my bed wishing to die no matter how many times I pray i wish i cry no matter how many cuts their are on my wrist my mind still screams at me from across the room its funny all the voices in my ****** up head it feels like their is thousands of eyes staring at me when I'm the only one in the room i can feel it the end my doom.

i keep falling down and i am praying for somebody to save me but who would wanna help me who would wanna save me I'm am the monster that is pushed away hated feared but in the end i rip my self apart and deny it and hide it but I'm done trying to live a life that dose not work so keep pushing me away because one day you will never get me back cause i will let my insanity in and you will never see ethan again because that part of my mind will be dead and no love will ever come from me again just pain and misery i wish you could see the bad part of me the part that hides in the dark absess i call a mind because my mind is something only see in their nightmares even god knows better then to look in my ****** up head even the devil is afraid of me god why won't this mental torment let me be but I'm not that lucky so run away from me or see me in the middle of my insanity