suicide is not an option
suicide is not an option
suicide is not an option
suicide is not an option
suicide is not an option
suicide is not an option
suicide is not an option

Historically speaking, I am evil.
I used, I hated, I hurt, I cheated.
I lied, I drank, I wanted to die
But history is history.

I can't sit still while my world crumbles.
I can't stop trying to facilitate health.
You would that I made no mistakes
You would that I crucified myself.

My foundation is frozen in purgatory now
But humanity insists that I'll make it somehow
And when your record is littered with lies
The truth will always be clouded with doubt

I don't want to give up, but I want to give in
To the conceptual bliss of not having to be
I don't want to die, but I want the pain to end
I wonder what world waits for spirits set free.

Sometimes I wish that I never chose fatherhood
So I didn't have anyone to hurt, left behind
But I have to believe that this life will get better
Even when suicide strangles my mind.

When will this end
When will I fly
Will I ever see the world I idealized?

When will it change
When will I cease
Dreaming of dying, of endless release?

When will I cry
When will I feel
Will I ever know what it means to be real?

When will I learn
When will I grow
Sometimes I think of just closing the show

The crimes justified by a dogma
Were inherent to the self-righteous creed.
Where our fathers have cast aside karma,
Soon the souls of posterity bleed.
The whipping boy is always an innocent:
His blood tells the story of labor.
Hands holding flogs are all gilded,
A penance for his misbehavior.

Blessed be those who lie broken
Under clouds of the toxic command!
The tides of tears wax for the chosen;
Behold the lines left in the sand!
If they all prey for their saviour,
They will bear witness our wrath!
Revel in the screams of the slavers
Diplomacy ends in bloodbaths!

Dismemberment, a cacophonous chorus.
Our chains lay foundations for war.
Chieftains of false hope ignored us;
Our trust is torn!
Clawing our way to the zenith
Has left our empathy to rot.
Upon the world's back, you ascended;
Did you think we all ******* forgot?

Blessed be the bodies lying broken
By hypocrisy's unwavering hand!
The tides of sweat swell for the chosen;
Behold the lines left in the sand!
When they all prey for their saviour,
They will bear witness our wrath!
Revel in the screams of the slavers
Diplomacy ends in bloodbaths!

Love is dying
**** our masters
Rage justified
Wash it off us
His eye has left us
I think we're alone now
Shrouded with impatience
Break you with envy.

I fantasize about other lives
Fantastical dragons and werewolf cries
Ready to renounce my given name
No longer committed to the game
Ready to join the opposing side
Ready to revel in suicide
Prepare to die a million times
This existence is penance for your crimes.

If I could just release this tension,
Dissect this disease,
Understand the hatred that habitually feeds
The darkest corners of my subconscious fantasies,
**** the pain in me,
****** your apathy,
**** your power over me,
I could finally understand the meaning of being free.

It kills me to think that I'm in love with somebody
Who has such power over me that I resort to hiding
Inside of myself and revealing no feelings
Because everything I say is just so unappealing
To your good time and while you're so happy drinking
I'm cleaning your messes and raising our offspring
And begging you to just break the ******* routine
And get off your *** and pretend that you love me.

Good luck with being sober without the support of a partner
Because that's all I ******* do now.

Set it all on fire
And douse it with crocodile's tears
No one will ever listen
This is how it is now.

Decisions, decisions.

Set it all on fire
And douse it with your darkest fears
It isn't going to change.
This is how we go down.

Such beauty in this eternal sadness
Eternal sadness
Eternal madness

No reflection

Phoenix feathers and mountain's breath
Crocodile tears and a timely death

Those flowers spill out
Over the sides like your soul spills out of your clothes
Onto the floor in front of me
Where I watch in amazement because you're everything I've ever Wanted to be.
The smoke of your husbands pipe leads the way
Through the door past the kitchen
Into the room where you lay
With chickens and pottery
You tumble out of your chair
And I
Tumble into your arms as if
It was my birthday instead of yours.
I would drive a thousand miles to eat your humus and hear your words.

You have everything I've ever wanted to have.
Teach me.
I will bring you as many tall vases as you want.
Teach me.
I will bring will make you as many flower arrangements as you need.

The air feathers around me
like the tender embrace
of one that is not there
it feels so joyous
but so torturous

I shudder

this isolation

akin to religious torment

is breath taking