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***
The river rippled
between my fingers
and it was velvet
and satin
and steel

The day smelled
of old earth
and secrets

that day
when we went fishing
for the truth

And the hooks
glinted in the sun
they were beautiful
and lovely

lovely killing things
Talking about styles in class
The teacher points to me
How my clothes make a rebel
My attitude has no cause
My hair shows my need for attention
My expensive jacket shows wealth
But my cheap flats revel I am poor
I turn my attention to her
I say nothing
I just nod
She could figure me out in a few seconds
But I haven't been able to find myself out in 15 years
Insert tasteless **** joke here*
I stand still listening to the clicking trigger of your words
As the bullet shooting from your mouth hits a still new wound
And even though this all past just over a year ago
Every time my battle scars from this ongoing war start to heal
A new obstacle must be conquered, and new wounds form
What you did to me was repeated
not once
not twice
Four more times
****
******
and Child *******
All used to just be words
Officers
Judges
And district attorneys
Were once all just people
Your **** joke may be funny to you
But think of the people who really lived through it
The *** end of your **** joke
The boys and girls standing
Hiding behind the façade of petty laughter
his eyes are the colour of coffee,
-warm and romantic
when he looks at me,
i feel like i'm looking into the window of a coffee shop.
the walls painted in mahogany.
and coffee stains.
he looks at me with caffeine weaved into his eyelashes
energy lingers within his iris.
my frail hands tremble
my eyes light up with the exchange of energy through lovers glances.
i haven't slept in days

his lips are crimson like wine,
and they bleed into mine like ink does to a page -
slowly but deeply.
scarlet kisses between hopeless romantics,
entangled with flames.
my throat is an inferno.
burning as his tongue seduces mine in,
the cave where my laughter hides on gloomy afternoons.
my lips are numb like lonely palms are when autumn decays,
and all i can taste is a bittersweet elation,
like blood as it lingers in your mouth.
i'm drunk again

and his arms built a house,
inside of me.
a quaint bungalow with the walls tinted ivory,
the smell of vanilla mingling with oxygen fresh in the air,
a house that feels like singing birthday candles to sleep,
and your first kiss.
the house you return to when,
your hands are rosy with winter absorbed into your lifeline.
it's the house that you can't stop coming back to,
because it feels like christmas, even in june.
and no matter how hard you try,
you can't wash away the love signed by;
wine spills and laughter absorbed into the carpet.
when he touched me:
he built a house with his hands,
and made it feel like home


*i've never been so homesick.
 Jan 2015 Brittle Bird
Lauren
blood
 Jan 2015 Brittle Bird
Lauren
i want to inhale
your exhales
and kiss you until
i can't taste blood anymore
 Jan 2015 Brittle Bird
Lauren
i changed for you
started parting my hair differently
wore shorter skirts
and painted my toenails
and i kept asking myself,
why am i doing this?
and it was all for you
the dumb attempts at extra eyeliner
i changed my laugh
and the way i wrote my a's

they always tell you
"be yourself"
but, i don't even know who myself is
I've been digging
I've tried so hard
i don't know who i am

i tried to be fragile
and when that didn't work
i acted like nothing could break me
i am so **** lost
and i can't seem to find my way out

i was reaching for your hand
i couldn't find it
and i guess
i never will
i need you
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