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Brie Pizzi Dec 2019
People say love comes your way when you least expect it

and maybe that's when I'll know that I'm ready to let love in again

when I stop looking for it
when I stop letting it consume my thoughts
when I stop letting it control my decisions

I will be ready for love

When I accept that there is no set plan
When I accept that time is not meant to cause anxious thoughts
When I accept that it is okay to be alone
Brie Pizzi Dec 2019
How do you know you're ready to experience love again when your mind is the last thing you trust?

you have every reason to be skeptical
3 failed relationships proves that doesn't it?

you blame yourself
not seeing the warning signs
ignoring the bad parts of a relationship
thinking it'll change
or maybe that it simply doesn't matter enough

but love is a drug
and love is blinding

every.single.time

love has blinded me

love has given me such a high
that when the withdrawal hits
it is so excruciating
I blame myself for getting high in the first place

so why do I keep doing it?
maybe because each time I am convinced that it is going to last
or maybe because I am just so desperate to get it right

My drug has failed me so many times that the sight of it now makes me sick to my stomach

I have turned away from it entirely

So why does a part of me worry that I will never get high again?
Sober is safe
Sober is secure

but

Sober is boring

Nothing will beat the feeling of being high in love.
Brie Pizzi Oct 2019
I dreamt of you last night
I still remember everything so vividly

when I saw you I knew that I was dreaming
because of the way you looked at me
we didn't have to exchange words
we both knew it wasn't real
we had to enjoy whatever time we had left together
because I would soon wake up
and we'd be back to never speaking again
we'd be back to you hating me
we'd be back to me hating me

I'd call it a dream but then I'd have to admit to myself that I wanted to dream of you
Brie Pizzi Oct 2019
Life has made me bitter

Every proposal
Every instagram post
Every brag by a friend

I ignore the bitter taste in my mouth
swallow it instead
jealousy hides in my stomach
it tries to escape but I somehow force a smile

from the outside I look happy, hopeful
but my smile is masked by gritting teeth
my eyes start to glaze over
I pray no one notices that I'm no longer present in the conversation
because as they speak my jealousy begins to build
it builds so high I have two choices
change the subject or walk away
anything can be better than someone else's perfect relationship
especially when you're convinced you'll never find yours

life has made me bitter
it's my least favorite attribute
Brie Pizzi Aug 2019
I know how much you love my blonde hair
that's why I cut it

6 inches gone
along with the memories of us
the toxicity of me

not only did I cut my hair short but I dyed it dark
so that there is no possible trace of blonde
no trace of you

maybe it'll help you accept what happened between us
maybe it'll help you move on from me faster
maybe
maybe
maybe

it's just hair.
Brie Pizzi Jul 2019
I do not miss him
I only miss the potential future I would have had with him

I knew this for months
but I was a selfish coward
unable to admit to myself that I was settling
I almost settled for something I knew I didn't want
simply because I wanted so badly to get it right

I didn't want to disappoint anyone especially him
I knew how much he wanted this
how much he wanted me
so I tried to force it
but it was fake

the more I dragged it out the more I hurt him
and so I left
unexpectedly to him
but to me it was a relief
no longer was I settling
I was finally choosing what was best for me

for so long I felt trapped
knowing someone better for me was out there waiting

to think that I almost gave that up
to think that if I had settled
I never would have met you

our future is unknown
maybe even non-existent
but that wouldn't change how I feel

and I am finally comfortable with that
Brie Pizzi Mar 2019
Some days I think God has put me here for a reason

Some days I think God has put me through hard times to make me stronger

Some days I think God is preparing me for something bigger

Some days I think God takes loved ones away from me because they are needed in heaven

Some days I think God has kept me from you for a reason

Some days I think God has never made our timing right on purpose

Some days I think God has made me struggle with love to prepare me for an even greater one

Some days I think God is trying to teach me patience and self love

Some days I think God is trying to teach me to find passion in security

Some days I think God is trying to teach me to take risks with no regards of the aftermath

Some days I think God is constantly testing me

Some days I remember
most days I don't believe in God
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