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Jake met Julie at the door way taking in her beauty lit under the glow of the moonlight.  He retrieved  the ******* from his pocket parading it in front of Julie.

"You want some?",

he asked tempting her.With ease she smiled at him.

"Come on, lets go in here.",

she answered leading him into Matt's bedroom. Upon entering the room Jake noticed it was an addition to the house. Three walls were made up of bare ply wood lacking insulation and paint. The fourth was the siding of the house painted Brown with a window  leading to the master bedroom. The room had a dirt floor with rocks scattered about. A few feet from the door there were two chairs across from each other leading to a tiny walk way between two beds lined up side by side. Curious about the master bedroom window he pointed to it asking,

"Where's the curtain?"

"Oh um, My mom likes to watch.",

she answered with laughter as she collected her hair pulling it to one side over her shoulder. She turned her head towards the window wondering if her mother was indeed watching them. Jake presented the fine white powder serving it  as if it were an appetizer.  Julie inhaled it feeling the surge of the high mixing in and with her blood. Jake took several hits himself trying to shake what remained of Eve's rejection. Several minutes later Eve entered the room holding Sam. She sat in the chair across from Julie with Jake to her left on the furthest from the brown wall. Ignoring Jake's presence she ask,

"What you up to Jewels?"

Julie pointed the coke saying,

"Just doing a little of this. You want some?"

"Uh no, i'm okay."

"Just try it you might like it?"

"What's it feel like?"

"Um, i don't know, GOOD. Just take little if you don't like it just stop."

"Okay."

Jake didn't mind that he sat silently listening to them talk. He was eager to supply his drugs to the girls. When Eve decided to take the hit Jake felt his mind race.He smiled kindly at Eve with a glimmer of hope twinkling in his eyes he thought,

I hope this ***** gets hooked, then she'll come to me willing.

Jake watched Eve stand then walk over to the bed across from  where he was sitting gently placing Sam in the center before walking over to Julie. As she passed Jake he reached out touching her hip. Eve jumped shooing him away. Jake loved seeing Eve uncomfortable and angry. In his mind it meant he could then be sweet and loving. Jake served up his drug of choice handing it to Julie, she then held it steady for Eve to inhale. Eve licked her lips spinning inside she felt the rush of the drug. Matt joined them, in a bitter frenzy he pulled beer after  beer from between his mattress til he had consumed five. Julie warned Matt he would end up in jail if he didn't stop. Her words only fueled him and Jake saw his opportunity. He offered Matt some of the ******* ignoring the girls as they yelled at him not to dare. Jake drank the rush that washed through him making two plump lines for Matt. Jake sat on the edge of the bed gripped by anticipation while Matt took a line in each nostril.

Mission complete. If Matt doesn't consider me a possible friend now, at least Eve isn't happy with him.
Why must we fall even when there's none to catch us?
Why?
Is love a blessing or a curse?
Is it truth or lie?
Why must we lose our hearts to their breakers?
To little palms that will ultimately release them aground
Why must we be seekers?
Why do we only feel at peace with another soul around?
Why must we spend sleepless nights contemplating
Who our hearts whole shall mend?
Why not opt for self electro-plating?
So that we own hard metallic hearts to the end?
Why do we embrace vulnerability in the name of being human?
Why is passion such an embraced tumor?
before existentialism, and nietzsche in mind, philosophy was written
or spoken of accepting the socratic rigidity of words,
the rigidity of words known through
the socratic method of inquiry:
the simplest of questions imposed on
the meaning of words; e.g. what is virtue?
but with existentialism this old method
of inquiry, the poised posing bewilderment
lost its quality, in that the new method of
inquiry was given to stress not a method
of questioning but that of ambiguity,
even though this new method that simply
said the reverse of what is virtue as
the preservation of a narrative: "virtue" concedes
many variations exampled true, e.g. -
this dittoing going against - previously said /
as above - became staged against
a brick wall - since this method, the existential
method of brushing aside inquiry and entering
the realm of ambiguity was already present -
the pluralism of meaning found in certain words;
it isn't a question whether red or blue can
be ambiguous, this allocation of noun
and quality is all too pervasive - so when
an ambiguity is allowed to exercise its stressor
posit - the word in question is allocated
a verb orientation in its exercise of use and example,
further diluted by the quantity and lack of example,
and ascribed contorting
adjectivity due to the dilution of meaning: with lessened
recognition of sought out qualification to sentence
an enzymic perfection of: banker and philanthropist,
priest and maximilian kolbe, poetry and lack of envy.
even though these examples are idealistic,
they provide the obvious ambiguity already apparent,
hence the double ambiguity of opposites, ideal opposites.
in shorthand - if socrates were to come
upon reading existentialism - his questions
regarding the virtues would be bound to free floating
terms in the ditto bubbles of flimsiness of non-inquiry -
bewildered by the number of prompts to question,
there would be no necessary ambiguity to many other
terms of inactivity - such as the previously mentioned
red and blue, dog and glue, but too many, it would seem,
should a strict belief in categorising virtue as a noun
but not a verb be kept - for categorisation of such nature
only provides a linear cascade without due action
or cared for imitation - ending with the only chance of virtue
chanced and seen as an unvirtuous person
doing crossword puzzles in silence - and already
virtue's opposite is engaged in defending itself
and justifying its ills by first forcing many synonyms to
cover it in ambiguity, and asserting itself as an adjective
within a noun framework blunt: virtue v. unvirtuous
will only confiscate siamese phonetic mingling to ease the definition;
i guess that's how rhyming was born, the opposite
of alphabetical ordering: a, aardvark                              the violet's blue
                                                            ­        ****** a doughnut with you.
 Sep 2015 Brian Payamps
kiryuen
old themes, the uttering of half-dreams;
to have: lust as the fruit, or love as the bird
been thinking about prayers and how they don’t work
you are my favourite player,
you are my one and only
not really
I would sing you lullabies but you don’t like my voice,
I would bring you flowers but flowers only remind you of funerals.
I keep wanting to reinvent myself
then end up with too many versions
game plan, what’s my game plan
does there have to be a reason for everything?
do I have to explain why I gave my queen up
or why my engine can never start
later, later,
wanted to be some kind of electrifying
no ***** given, that sparks burn out
I’m not in a good place
I hate this place
here they stifle me everyday to save me
like I wasn’t already doomed from the start
got your gun cocked to my head
I’ve got my knife pressed to your throat
deadlock stalemate
wanna bet which one is faster
no regard whatsoever for consequences and responsibility just
living speed and risk and trauma
got me hook line and sinker
got you wrapped around my finger
thank you thank you thank you
of all the pieces on the board you’re my favourite pawn
*not really
 Sep 2015 Brian Payamps
yllwbxlvs
No matter where i go, where i am.
you're always there, can you please for once. go away.
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