I'm caught up in the street lights once again.
I feel like I'm a titan at the peak of Mt. Olympus.
My head feels like I'm violent, but my mind is violins,
as I shade my eyes from the sunrise from way back when I was 9 or 10.

We could stare forever at these break lights or look through blurry pictures that we took on all those late nights.

You looked so happy even though I knew we had a cast on
but you can only see your face because I forgot to turn the flash on.

We ran outside that night, we noticed it was "too cold for our feet" snow.

We kept it up and gave it our best, but the times were hard to keep so now they seem more like keepsakes.

Is that a cursing or a blessing?
They say that life is worth the learning, but they want me to teach the lesson.

50% white noise. 50% radio.

Those are the thoughts of a quiet broken heart that sits in the passenger seat.

My driver wants to **** me...but I'm not really that scared though.

Tell me I'm alive.
Tell me I'm living.
Tell me that I'm not alone in this world.

You say you can't sing...but as long as you're singing, I will know I'm more than last December.

I wore a wristwatch once to cover something from my Mother.

Even if she saw it, she'd probably believe it was from skateboarding.

I don't skateboard.

My heart's a house and you're a room I never go in.
I still remember what it looks like.
The walls are red and it smells nice.
You could never pick your favorite song.
I bet it sounds amazing.
I wish I knew what it was.
Maybe I could sing it to you and you could love me the same.
Just like clouds shaped like *****.

Out of place?
You always seemed to laugh.

I still write poetry from time to time. Unlike you.

You used to, but you don't now.

My Coke still tastes more like *****.
My room still feels more like a fortress.
My heart is still pumping blood for no reason.

I still can't wash the dishes without getting soaking wet.

I still smoke more than I should.

You still hate all the things you used to, without reason.

You still feel as sad as you once did, but you have to mask it much better now.

I'm still that same kid.

I'm still the same faithful dreamer.

I still get scared of the dark sometimes.

I still wish I could talk to you, but now, every time I do, it isn't the same.

I still think about dying.

I still read over our conversations.

and I still hate you.

Life goes on.

Like an endless spiral of frayed thread hanging from your favorite dress.

Off the flower petal of the floral pattern that blows in the wind above your knees.

I'm going to write a novel about the one time we danced alone in my room.

We sat on my bathroom floor and you looked me in the eye and I was trying to figure out what you were thinking.

It took me awhile but finally, I realized you we're trying to think of anybody else that you would rather be there than me.

And you stared in my eyes.

5 seconds.
10 seconds.
30 seconds.
1 minute.
2 minutes.
and you couldn't think of anybody.

You wanted to so bad.
You wanted to think of anybody else that wasn't me.
But you couldn't.
And you hated it.
Because you did the one thing you said you would never do again.

You let me in.

You let me into the cage of doves that encased your glass heart.
And all I did was sit and watch it.
I became a dove.
You never let me out of your sight.
You wanted to make sure I didn't break it.
Then you decided to look away.
You looked back and I was still in the same spot, admiring you.
You still didn't trust me so I gave you my wings.
I didn't care about them now that I had you.
I didn't need the sky if you were on the ground.

You smiled and I loved you like breathing in mountain air.

I took that feeling and put it in a jar.
And I watched the firefly dance.
And I watched it die from lack of air.
And I watched your glow vanish.

Now the flowers are blooming.
Petals are falling off your hips and I'm still falling off your eyes, in the same way that leaves fall off the trees in Autumn.

Somehow, a night with no sleep and a cigarette reminds me of you.

In the same way that the headlights of a car read the lines of a road, I read your harlequin lips.

And I swear on all things that are good, you were the softest thing I kissed.

Wrapped in a thin layer of ivory.

I find my watch timeless.

I drip alcohol on some nights but not as many as "at first" but still enough as "end it" and I can never feel what it meant and how I meant it was to mean it. So, for now, so far, I've been taking my rib cage and hoping the bones don't break as I expand my lungs for a fresh breath of new skin and flesh. My tongue rams the back of my teeth in hopes to slither a word in edge wise as the bite becomes a copper numbness in the back of my throat.

I hope you know what decade I lost the hue in my eyes as it turned black and white like piano keys to my heart and soul.

I sit on the piano bench with skeleton fingers wondering why the graveyard is so quiet.

I look at old pictures and photographs and I replay moments in my head that sink into my chest like a ship that's been abandoned.

Someday or sometime soon.

I hope it never ends.

And I hope the flowers on your dress bloom again when Spring comes next year.

We found something worse than hate and love,
something that spawns when a heart is lost
and we thought it didn't exist, but it does
and we got hit with it's sun like the moss of a tree.

So now every time I fall for another one
it feels more like the ending of summer
and less like my favorite season.

Our mouths are loaded pistols
with golden bullet words that have no real direction,
spraying upwards towards a cloudless night sky,
but they never quite hit the stars.

I picked you out like a flower in a field
where the rain clouds stay,
where the ruiners of all good things play,
with temporary wars between you and I.

I moved your eyes like a chess piece
to wherever I walked in the room
so I checked into checkmate
so you could destroy me.
I thought you would have moved your rook
to E6, ending in a stalemate and us in love forever...

But you said "I'm so sorry" right before knocking my king over.

I hate your checkered past. I'm going to play solitaire.

Let's get high and listen to Alt-J.

Let's see if we can reach the breaking point and still love our Mom's.

Let's go to the moon and play solitaire together.

I always told you that if you disappeared, my atmosphere would fail.

Well last night you left and I got drunk and my insides became my outsides and I stopped worrying about how cold my basement was.

Let's take that trip you've been wanting to take.

Let's go far away from here or any place that looks like here.

Let's eat a bowl of Cheerios sitting on the hood of your car while we stare at stars.

Let's freestyle battle using unicorns as our subject.

Let's sit in the back seat of your car and fall asleep.

Let's wake up and us still be together.

Let's go draw birds and realize how much we **** at drawing.

Let's find an abandoned building and have a picnic.

Let's write a song sitting on a beach watching the sun rise.

Let's stop acting like something is wrong and start acting like we know what we know.

Let's realize that love does conquer all but only if you want it to.

Let's buy 50 tape players from a pawn shop and hang them in a forest so the trees are happy.

Let's stop hurting each other.

Let's stop hurting ourselves.

Let's watch a movie.

It doesn't matter what it is because we'll be looking into each others' eyes on the couch, occasionally trading secrets and smiling and kissing and you running your hands through my hair because you know I love that.

Let's be mysterious to everyone but each other.

I want you to tell me that you're not actually excited about going to a fancy restaurant, but the cigarette you're going to smoke after.

I want you to tell me you don't want to see me today because you would rather fall asleep.

It's OK.

I want that.

Let's find a tree to sit under where the sunset looks perfect every day.

Let's not get mad at each other or think something's wrong when we don't talk for days.

Let's know that we will be together no matter the petty moments.

Let's kiss until our heart beats are in sync.

Let's go to a wedding and see how many numbers we can get only to prank call them while having *** later that night.

Let's sit on a roof and complain about the pizza guy not getting here fast enough.

Let's learn how to break dance on a yoga mat that we painted to look like Twister.

Right hand red.
Left hand blue.

Then let's kiss until the atmosphere fails and we die.