A feeling in my gut,
It drives me nuts,
My every thought of you questions,
“What”?
What
Is that creature?
So physically fit….
Without a thought,
I reached for it,
A foolish girl,
You know it is true,
What
Happened to me when I met you?
What
Did you do?
I stood
You sat,
You……
My gawd,
What was that?
©B L Costello 2017

I watched “Schindler’s List” again,
I really don’t know why,
I know how it ends…
Everybody dies
I guess I loved the theater
Maybe, I’m getting older,
But I sure loved the popcorn,
And your arm around my shoulder,
The way you said “aw honey”
As tears rolled down my face,
I felt so important in that crowded place,
I thought about you as I watched,
Its over 20 years,
I microwaved the popcorn,
And wish that you were here,
Alone on the couch,
The movies loose there meaning,
They say it cost less,
****,
I’m sick of streaming
©B L Costello 2018

I love to make the colors match
I navigate the lines,
Oh, that satisfying crunch!
It really is “DIVINE”!
I sure could use a booster,
There’s whistle in the distance,
I just turn down the sound,
It can be quite insistent,
Oh, but I forgive,
With my gentle index touch,
I will complete my level,
I love to candy crush!
©B L Costello 2017

"Cried so hard, that my face was wet,
in "Five Years",
I still won't  forget,
I just thank God you fell to earth,
An alien...you were the first,
"Aladinsane",
You went so far,
Conquering demons,
and "The Spiders from Mars",
My "Thin White Duke",
You helped me believe,"We begin and end..in eternity ".

Sometimes,
I can’t see clearly,
Things are not what I think,
I really cannot not help it…..
After all….
I have to blink,
Sometimes,
I’m overwhelmed,
It’s more than I can keep,
You know,
The plumbing's old,
There’s bound to be some leaks
Sometimes,
I’m irritated,
I remember what was said,
Sometimes I just drip,
It makes my eyes red,
I wish it didn’t happen,
I wish you weren’t so mean,
I wish I had a wrench,
Or an antihistamine
© B L Costello 2016

I gave you my heart,
Now, I’m empty inside,
A shell of myself,
I can’t even cry,
It can’t be returned,
My loss is your gain,
All you gave me is phantom pain
©B L Costello 2019

He tied a slip knot,
His commitment,
Pretend,
An easy escape
Pull at the end,
How perfect i thought,
I envied his wit,
We were the polar….opposite
How simple the break
Metaphoric perfection,
Breaking the bound,
Increasing tension,
No loop to uncross,
No cutting today,
Just squeeze and pull yourself away
B L Costello ©2017

"If something is wrong with my baby
There’s’ something I gotta do",
Now you shrug and say
"What is wrong with you?"
Sometimes……
I cannot help it,
I am sure,
I have worn you out,
But you signed up for long haul,
You knew what I was about,
Now,
I ask the questions,
What do I have to do?
Now I have to ask what is wrong with you?
Then you hurt my feelings,
We both say that we’re fine,
I used to be your princess
Once upon a time
I know that you are tired,
Dear you have a right,
But sometimes when I’m sad,
I really miss my knight
©B L Costello 2017

Welcome to Gotham!
Here is your pass,
“Just a little pin *****”,
Pull up your mask,
The Joker’s still laughing,
“Boys will be girls”
Enjoy your ****,
“It’s a messed up world”
Bat man is out there,
Make no mistake,
You would never notice without the cape,
Yes, the weeds legal,
But it going fast,
“Space cowboy” says hi,
Pull up your mask.
BLC©2022

So, dark it was I could not see,
A vast and starless galaxy,
Like a child,
I felt to see,
My hands reaching in front of me,
Steps so careful
Mouth agape,
I pause between,
Then I wait,
Once again,
I test the ground,
Accepting,
There is still no sound,
The only thing assuring me,
is the pull of gravity,
Oh, God!
If I should start to float,
I am sure that I would give up hope
Without that pull,
How could I resist?
How else would I know if I exist?
©B L Costello 2017

A change was coming,
We could not wait,
More “SONGS OF LOVE AND HATE”
My friend,
So real,
You were no phony.
“NEW SKIN FOR THE OLD CEREMONY”,
Forever?  
Well, I could have been wrong,
"THE FUTURE" does not last too long,
Too quickly the present becomes the past,
No…the future does not last,
How brave you were,
You were no martyr,
You asked us...”DO YOU WANT IT DARKER?”
and we did!  
We loved to listen,
Bent in “VARIOUS POSITIONS”,
Your gone,
I have forgiven that,
Still I am bothered by the crack
The one that is left
No damage done,
Imperfect as they come
Its darker now……
Where have you been?
Remind me how the light gets in
© B L Costello 2017

“I will love you forever”,
He said to you,
But when forever is over,
What do you do?
And what is forever, when someone is gone?
Without the clock,
Does time go on?
How do we measure the weeks and days,
When the calendar is taken away?
Numb,
I can hardly tell I am here,
So many chairs,
The covered mirrors,
Time to ponder,
Time to accept,
In 7 days,
I will reflect
B L Costello © 2019

She takes the walk of shame,
At a purposed pace,
Her heels in her hands,
Mascara on her face,
Most of them are still asleep,
She not sure what she did,
She’ll take that pill at home,
She’ll get her period…….
Sure she’ll be fine,      
At the drive thru,
She gets coffee,
A moment to reflect,
“I told them to get off me!”
But….
Everyone was drunk,
Now she is just sore,
Embarrassed and confused….
Feeling like a *****.
©B L Costello 2016

The Doctors were wrong,
They gave her a year,
Four months.....
She is gone.....
As the holidays near,
But the chemo was hard,
She was no longer able,
How dreadful the empty spot at the table

HIS SHIRT SAID………..
“*******, I’m from Detroit”,
Almost like it was his choice,
Angry,
As if it was to warn,
Who gave a **** where he was born?
The thing that left me so amazed,
He did not have the ***** to say……
Freedom of speech,
What is it worth?
Probably more than his stupid shirt
©B L Costello 2016

“Hurry, come in”
he said at the door,
The Jehovah witness never heard that before,
Anxious to carry on “God’s plan”,
He never noticed the blood on his hands,
Not till he notice the drops on the floor,
How this would go,
No one was sure,
“Okay”,
Said his host,
“I don’t believe...that God is here or he loves me”
The witness nodded,
"I understand...May I go and wash my hands”?,
“No, not the bathroom…….”
“The kitchen, please...That room, really embarrasses me”,
The witness said,
"I'm embarrassed too, I don’t know if he loves me or you"!
The host replied “Do You know…..what I've done”
Are you judging me?
Are you having fun?"
“No, I am too selfish”
The witness confessed,
“I don’t really care about your mess,
"I can still hear her cry..."
"I tore her dress..."
"But she had such a pretty mouth,"
"No, you should never judge....
Or let strangers into your house”
©B L Costello 2019

You always were that way….
I don’t know what to say,
I really am not sure you would hear me anyway,
My faith is so shaken,
I know that you are there,
But I cannot help screaming,
You just don’t seem to care,
It hurts,
And it’s messy,
Like a broken blister,
I wish that you were dead,
You never should have kissed her
© B L Costello 2020

A treat I never had before,
The cold end of the candy store,
Green was my choice in the freezer case,
Consumed so quick,
I could not wait,
I knew my tongue made a mistake,
My throat felt numb,
My brain yelled ****!
Such a surprise,
It ended quick….
Until I took another lick
©B L Costello 2019

Lonely in love,
I feel sick,
Alone (again)
In this relationship
From the couch I see you,
Still on the computer,
I crave company,
And worry of the future,
Again!  
I am lonely,
Have we nothing in common?
I wonder now,
How soon you have forgotten,
The long conversations,
Time on the phone,
Those late night visitations,
Before you called this home,
You used to say, “hi honey”,
Now you snap, “what IS it?”
Remember me?
It’s “honey”
And I still like to visit…….
B L Costello ©2019

Social distance,
Stay in the house!
All that changes,
The shape of my couch,
I ate all  my snacks,
They went too quick,
Tonight, I'll binge more netflix,
I don't dare complain,
Thank God....I am fine,
God bless Cuomo and our frontline.

They made us sick,
Then locked us in,
That was only the begin,
Product shortage,
Labor too,
“They won’t go back",
****, would you?
A man suffocated,
Someone took a knee…..
Our atmosphere is burning,
Now, nobody breaths,
Just pull up that mask,
Get back to work!
We’re angry ,
We’re scared,
And we all look like jerks,
Gun control?
They’ll  fight it,….I guess,
We'll all be cowboys in the wild wild west
BLCostello©2023

On bended knees,
She acknowledged the loss,
Blessing herself with the sign of the cross,
So many candles,
And still it was dim,
No ritual could replace him,
Alone she prayed,
Comforting words,
She wondered who will pray for her,
No flame could brighten,
No words to say… could ever bring back what is taken away,
The loss alone, is hers to bare,
No children left,
No stories to share,
She thought of the rest,
She wondered, who heard?
So she lit more candle, and said more words

Please,
Believe me,
I am not needy,
I want to be brave,
Can somebody free me?
I just get scared
My shields are old,
My reason is weak,
I’ve done what I’m told,
A weary soldier,
My mother is dead,
My friends are gone,
Just me and my head!
It makes me crazy,
So many choices,
I just don’t really trust those voices
©B L Costello 2019

Is that a woman?
I am really not sure,
I guess, for now, I will call them "her",
Is that a man?
Where do I begin?
I guess I will start calling them "him",
"Them"?
Oh no....that's a new story,
Somewhere we decided two genders were boring,
Sometimes, its confusing,
But, it will change soon,
"Those were the Days", called the tune,
"Girls were girls and men were men",
And everyone...
Sometimes...got called THEM

As if it had something to prove,
It stayed right there,
It did not move,
And I kept coming,
Expecting  the best,
I could have missed it!
I failed that test,
I just kept going,
it went too far,
I’ll  dry my tears,
and I'll wash my car,
I never meant it to come to this
An accident or a death wish?

Who holds the sun,
makes the rain,
he gives you no possessions
…and you will learn nothing,
it’s a gift….
Not a lesson,
His mercy….
You never notice the change,
Memory lost,
Experienced gained
As I am I
You will be you,
Here at last?
Deja Vue
B L Costello © 2017

Like ants on a peony bush,
His fingers so infesting,
Spilled the dew that once was trapped between the petals resting

He left her in that garden,
A child of the earth,
She was just another blossom,
Rooted in the dirt,

The weather changed so fast,
With no hope of escape,
She bowed her head and died,
She never knew a vase
© B L Costello 2015

She always said, “I love you”
And I believe she did,
She had the kind of honesty you only see in kids.
Perhaps a little simple,
More than just naïve,
But she was so devoted,
She was never mean,
Happy just to please,
She accepted what she lacked,
In a storm, she would give the shirt right off her back
and now we will remember
She’s gone a few hours,
We think about her family….and where to send the flowers?

When I was younger I heard it said,
”There is nothing free in life”,
And…..sometimes,
“People lie”,
Because…they’re being “nice”,
This is a double standard,
Somehow I miss the meaning,
We pay for everything?
Nice people are deceiving?
If that’s the way it is,
What message does it send?
Will I always be broke?
Do I have any friends?
It’s just so sad think,
If that the way it is,
We really must do better and think about the kids,
Because life is wonderful,
It doesn’t cost a dime,
To tell someone their loved,
To be thoughtful and kind,
It’s just so important,
To learn in your youth,
Life is beautiful,
And so is the truth
©B L Costello 2016

Surprised,
Grateful,
And always amazed,
She praises Christ for another day,
Another day,
She prays for more……
Happy to see him stand at the door,
Smiling…..
Through tears that still have not dried,
Remembering all the times he died
Fearful still,
She still has trust,
The women that lives with Lazarus
© B L Costello 2016

Smile, mommy!
Her child asked,
She said,
"I am",
And then they laughed

I just can't take it!
I am crying out for help,
No one helps a stranger,
I don't even know myself...
I know that I am 'WEIRD"
I'd be happy just to "stop"
I wish it was that easy!
Believe me...it is not!
They've changed my prescription,
The new color is cute,
I "must take with food",
I don't wanna puke.....
Imagine a pill that helps me to "stop",
Makes me *****,
Thanks a lot!
BLCostello©2024

I cannot make you feel better,
No matter how I try,
You take your own medicine and keep yourself alive,
I cannot make you feel good,
Now, you feel used
I really thought you wanted me,
But I cannot assume,
No...I cannot know everything,
I know I hate to question,
I know that you lack patience,
Your prone to such aggresion,
I cannot stop worrying,
You hate the way I fret,
I hate the names you call me,
That I cannot forget,
No,
I cannot do anything ,
You made that plain to see,
I know I cannot win,
You're much stronger than me

Jimmy don’t care,
He gets what he needs,
He sleeps on beach,
Makes art out of reeds,
His favorite quotes he paints on driftwood,
Like “mean people ****”, and “life is good”
They are not for sale!
But he takes donations,
“The man can’t tax appreciation”
Jimmy’s got plans,
He will make it, you bet.
He ***** at Starbucks
And gets free internet
Life dealt him lemons,
But he don’t complain
Sometimes he ******* when it rains
“I’m getting on my feet”
He says sitting there,
It’s a sunny day and Jimmy don’t care
©B L Costello 2014

I wanted to work,
But business was slow,
My boss left six months ago,
So the job I loved and the place just changed,
I pulled up my mask,
Nothing's the same,
I hate interviewing  
They can't see my face,
“10 years...and you just left the place?”,
As if it was all for my enjoyment,
”Over a year, you we're on unemployment?”
I just feel judged,
I'm still not well,
3 months….I still can't smell,
“We'll call you”,
Did he smiled?
He did sound cordial…..
God help me survive the
New Normal

BLCostello©2021

Anxious again,
My chest feels tight,
Pass that thing and give me light
It’s only better when I inhale,
Taking a drag,
I’m driving the nails,
I know it stinks,
I have bad manners,
But how I love to swing that hammer,
Friends and family have objections,
I have my very own section!
Isolated
Dark predictions,
I rub it out and blame addiction
©B L Costello 2019

Standing in shamble,
Parisians lament,
It seemed to be just a shell of cement,
Then the smoke cleared,
It was not as they thought,
The altar intact,
Above it…the cross!
Satan did challenge,
But… God had won,
And The great Rose Window,
Still lets in the sun!
©B L Costello 2019

I still don’t know why,
Or if anyone knows,
I was different then,
It was long ago,
It was new and dangerous,
Like a loaded gun,
You asked me to stay,
I should have run,
But, I stayed….
It was easier….
Just to accept,
Boundaries challenged,
Russian roulette,
And that was how you blew my mind,
I think I lost,
But I had a great time!
© BLCostello 2023

Alone inside her head is such a scary place,
Especially when she thinks too much,
There's hardly any space!
"Just forget about it!"
Sometimes,
I tried to warn her,
But, she cannot listen,
Now she's in the corner,
Sometimes the light can hurt,
The garden is full of weeds,
"Where have all the flowers gone ?
Now she can hardly breathe!
She does not want more medicine!
This is not what she chose,
I'd love to see her Blossom,
My precious little Rose
(c)B L Costello 2019

A pandemic waning,
Laws are changing,
The world maybe going to war,
And I forgot my lunch today,
Could I miss my mother more?
I guess I should just, “**** it up",
And me without a straw,
No wonder I am so confused,
I am in a state of awe,
Childless and feeling old,
Soon...we’ll all be gone,
I don’t want to die!
Have I done something wrong?
I made it into work today,
That’s just what I do,
I am feeling very sensitive,
I wish I was with you,
But I will carry on
I will not succumb to defeat,
I think I am gonna make it,
I wish I had something to eat!
BLC©2022

Was it the pants,
Or was it the shoes?
The world was fascinated by you,
Was it the hat?
I cannot decide!
You made us laugh,
You made us cry,
On the silver screen,
You were heaven sent,
They made you a homeless immigrant,
So sad they really went too far,
When Hollywood removed your star,
No crime,
Your choices were to blame,
A prop,
You should have used your cane
©B L Costello 2019

I've slipped before,
I should have took ice,
But I took your hand,
I thought you were nice,
I saw stars but could not see,
Just how injurious you could  be
I thought our meeting was part of God's plan,
I got on my feet,
Then I helped you to stand,
My friends judge,
They call me "crazy",
I just never thought you'd get so lazy,
Now I live with the pain,
I'm still confused,
I wanted more,
But what can I do?
I hit my head when I fell for you

Unfamiliar
This sickening path,
No fork in the distance,
I hear someone laugh,
In the darkness,
I have to cast my own light,
In his weakened state…..
I watch him fight,
I hate it here,
Nothing is the same,
The only constant is his pain,
And so he fights,
He bravely stands,
Against these demons,
I hold his hand,
Plans are for fools,
There is no way of knowing,
When you’re going thru hell….
You have to keep going.
©B L Costello 2016

“20 minutes of life!”
A prize!
That’s what they say,
However,
When it expires,
They will not let me play!
Sure,
It makes me nervous,
I guess I’ll be alright,
I see a list of “friends”,
Who I can “ask for life”!
The Candy Kingdom Rules!
Just when I think I am finished,
A star pops up and says……
“A friend gave you 20 minutes”
B L Costello © 2019

I am scared,
I am confused,
my heart is crying,
I am not afraid of going broke,
I am afraid of dying,
But how I miss your face,
A mask cannot hide beautiful,
I wish you would have worn it,
We can’t even have a funeral
B L Costello ©2020

You proposed a question and it killed you inside,
It takes an animal to survive,
So human,
You could not support the pack,
You could not forget,
Or take it back,
But who can prove kindness?
The risk is too great,
The animals will not participate,
Still, I’d love to be a witness,
To challenge survival of the fittest,
But that is not what survivors do,
You died,
And nothing was ever proved
B L Costello 2019

He wore baggy pants,
I thought he walked funny,
That stupid grin!
I should have seen it coming,
But…I was distracted,
By so many things,
After all,
There were 3 rings,
I loved the applause,
The spotlights glow,
I became part of the show,
I felt like a star,
Then so worthless,
This was not the theater,
It was the circus,
***** tents,
So flammable!
I was abused as much as the animals,
That tiny car,
Touring around,
I did like the shoes,
but I left that clown
©B L Costello 2019

Pills and appointments all of the time,
You get so nasty,
I try to be kind,
I try,
And still,
I do fail,
There is no cure,
No holy grail,
The treatments,
“May prolong your life”
We go every day,
But is it right?
To suffer in spite of what is to be,
You do it to stay here with me,
We go every day,
I feel sadistic,
Your dedication is masochistic,
We can’t give up,
What else can we do?
I try and still….
I am loosing you
©B L Costello 2019

She stares at the mirror,
Reflecting on her past,
It been a long time,
Through the looking glass,
Remembering the fall,
She knows she did not sink,
She may have landed better if she never took that drink,
It could have turned out different,
Everyone makes mistakes,
She should have had a salad,
Not that piece of cake,
At least she made some friends......and few nasty habits,
She always kept her head,
but she never caught that rabbit
©BLCostello 2022

I want to be funny,
I am not a “*****”,
I am misunderstood
I am sick of it!
It was,
Only a joke!
You don’t think I'm “funny”,
It happens!
Can’t you forgive me honey?
After all, it’s been awhile,
Since I’ve entertained,
Or saw you smile,
Be careful,
Some things…you can’t take back,
How I’d love to hear you laugh
©B L Costello 2019