I want to love you,
but you make it so hard for me,
With this sadistic torment.
I imagine you are angry
At the way I have treated you,
And that is why you subject me to agony.
I was so ignorant, back then,
Blaming you for my own shortcomings,
I wanted you to change.
I tried to turn you into something you were not,
I starved you of affection, forced you to do things
Even as you protested, and begged to be set free.
Is this how you punish me? When will you stop?
Please, talk to me,
Tell me what you need.
Is it too late for us to learn to love each other?
There is no escape,
We have to find a way.
And there has been togetherness,
There has been delight, and even love.
Together, we have borne two children,
Danced with abandon,
Explored our limits alone and with others.
My body, my self,
Let me find a way to help you,
My body, my love,
Help me free us from this pain.
I write to my body, as it subjects me to debilitating pain.