woke up today
smoked breakfast through
my lungs
words flowed from my
pen, unbidden in the end
blues guitar in my head
lyrics written in my soul
the buzz brought on
by this drug in my veins
the rat - tat of the snare
a ghost note on these shelves
books of the mind
opened to the masses
i spent my afternoon in
my classes
with thoughts of the moon
daydreaming loops
round like a record
skipping flipping
and ripping this
poetic veil

i just doesn't feel the same dear
i hope you take no offense
i have come to realize that life moves on
and so should we
hell i'm only human
isn't that the tragedy of it all
so i bear you no ill will my once love
no matter the hell you put me through
i somehow still loved you
but it seems our day has gone past
and it's time we moved on and stop
grasping at memories with as much
success as holding air in hand
i can't keep you alive in my heart
anymore than i could keep you
in my life and i'm at peace with that
so don't drag it out just find someone else
and put your hand in his
and find a future without me dear
because it seems to me that
no matter what we try our fingers just won't
intertwine

the coffee shop smell on this chill
autumn day reminds me of times outside
these worries and cares free like the
bird that spears through the sky
where are my wings?
i lost them in a deal with the devil
to live for my life
now hope burns in my lungs and
rises twisting turning on this
northern breeze smoke flows from
my lips like a gentle last kiss
my love set sail to the wind and
fly with your mind
for you will always find me in this
unforgiving sky
with a glance from the side
and a whisper of love
i will find my way my wings
and your love

i want to change the world
one mind at a time
to open the eyes of those stuck
in the fold
with words to the wind
i write to the world
in hopes that these sounds
touch the hearts of the few
and spread like wildfire
all consuming of thoughts with
motion to live free for passion and love
a candle to hold indifference darkness at bay
a spark struck with hopes to be an inferno
of change

call me the cancer fairy
i bring burnable gifts of
chronic emphysema and hopeless addiction
with death on your lips
i hope that you think of me
as the cherry ember glows low
and soft grey ash caresses
even softer fingertips
viva la cigarettes! a love story in smoke

motivation brought bought and sold
by the onset of insecure doubt
terrified by the prospect of living
outside the lines
my soul is colored pale with the brushstroke
of the unknown
i wander aimlessly looking for a
sense of direction in this mist
insubstantial thoughts do little to
keep my head above these turbulent waters
and my blood draws sharks from afar
seeking to ******* flesh and drag
me to the depths of this unforgiving
life

coffee shop motion
a city to standstill
slow dance this turning sensual beat
where free minds play
and ideas take root
in this grassroots gathering
of love like the ocean
swelling to drown out the sea
and the cry of mocking birds
sings me to sleep
safe in the knowledge
that change comes to mind
when colorful trees strip with the time
and this green earth keeps spinning
powered by the powers below and above
when angels and devils
fear not to make love
we'll tear down these walls
built by greed and hate
and show one another
we make our own fate!

words written on napkins
meant to change the world
the poetry of motion
the song of a kiss
the way my cigarette burned down to
touch on my lips
a hero fights dragons with a sword
made of ink
while the ruins of a nation crumble
to dust
sound the trumpets!
bang on the drums
welcome the harbinger of this peaceful
resistance
but wait. the change we sought
the sit ins and protests and flowers
we gave were met with the deafening
silence brought on by the gun
poets unite and take up your arms
for time calls when the sword is
mightier than the pen!
we are the broken
we are the lost
we are the fallen
and we are not quiet!
we fight for this day
words written on napkins meant
to change the world lay crumbled
in wastebaskets
for hands meant to write
now form a fist. - resist!

a chance on the breeze
scented vanilla and honey
turns sour in my eyes my heart
aches with the weight of this world
atlas! spare me this burden
my shoulders are breaking
my spine is collapsing
and the ground is crumbling beneath
my feet
ye gods old and new
answer my whispered prayers
in torment i raise my face to the
beautiful heavens and weep
for the human condition
a vulture circles my head
a halo of never ending sunlight
starlight bright is its gaze
i search for the cool comfort of the moon
while my heart beats beats beating
hollow in my empty breast
pagan am i
heathen of the altar
i sacrificed my first born to the
unfeeling elite to consume my shell
of being
there is no rest for these weary feet
blistered and bleeding i follow
this path to the cavernous abyss
to the cave to the comforting darkness
of illusions wrought with fire and
shadows
and as these chains clap shut on
my wrists and ankles and mind i am
no longer afraid
i join the fold and stare vacant
from empty eyes dead and dreaming

a constant fight against the mind
it lasts the whole night this time
may I be struck emotionally  blind
while trying to forget the rhyme
and reason caused gears to grind
I swear to god I'm ******* fine
I yell stumbling through this mine-
field of flaws, dozens for a dime
while my heart can't help but pine
for future love I have yet to find

eyes closed as clouds burn through
this sunset dream
will you remember me
when the unforgiving dawn breaks
and these speeding
                                       p u l s i n g
electro beats
pause to allow our hearts to beat
rhythmic thumping inside our chests
that never seems to be noticed
until that quiet moment when the moon sets
yet how we realize
these mechanical machines
of pistons springs and gears made flesh
only run on sunlight sugar and love
we still know that we were meant to fly above
our minds that wander free
to this forrest of electricity
rave baby rave where the drugs flow free
and i can forget my ineffectivity
with the ladies that move so slow to the beat
and my body feels nothing but
the moving grinding heat
that scorches my mind and burns through my soul
i felt yo move int he depths of it all
and it felt like love at the first taste of a kiss
that brought our lips closer in paper thin bliss
and in that one moment that passage of time
i had nothing left except the thoughts in my mind
of neon dreams made real in the lights
that these cheap bic lighters lit up the night

converse kicks
lead up to lengthy legs
soft as silk
flowing through my finger tips
the wrinkled sheets gather round
trapping our heat
in this sweaty mound
of limbs
tangled too close to be separate
joined as one
not at the hip
but quite close
awkward laughter
leads to young love
and sensuous sighs
escape past locked lips
and fly through the open window
coming to rest on the rooftop
where we first kissed

my name's on the gold card she said
membership went straight to her head
told her *******
turned into a cough
smiled, said thank you instead

phoebe will remain my hostage until
four barrel's hipster overlords hear my plea
we're all made of sparkledust and turkish delight
and if you hate drinking sonoma butter and
having money, my doctor Archmage Overlord
said the the "happy drink" element you seek is
less like strong coffee and more like the invasion
of normandy with turkey slaughter in the background

kfc's new turkey flavored chicken tried looking
for drugs in the neighborhood but
timothy leary, his suave excellency, sheik knight of nee
abstained from the devil's coffee with headaches and brain fog
anyway, that's why i attacked the
complimentary peanuts and russian balloon juice

FURIOUS POSTSCRIPT

"no one can understand the truth until
he drinks of the feline's frothy goodness"

do you know what it's like
to be bone dry thirsty
with every shimmering drink
at your eager fingertips
all there calling for just
                                             a sip
but this drink will slow you
and this helps to forget
while after a wetter while
the next one becomes daily  
                                                   habit
so you sit in the sand    
and suffer cracked lips
a peeling parched throat  
and the frayed ends of
                                            wit
fighting the urge of
      one
               little
                         sip

i want to scream till i puke and cry myself empty
because my mind is a dark place and the thoughts
that haunt me are half formed and sadistic
they wrap my mind so tight in these chains
that i feel like the breath is crushed right out of me
and my ribcage is cracking my shoulders are breaking
and my eyes have been replaced with
cold black stone.. i thought i was made of flesh and blood
but apparently i'm just carved out of metal and bone

in my dream i woke up in a lush green grove
and in the center of the grove there was a pool of crystal
that reflected all the light like a polished mirror.
i walked up to the pool and when i gazed in,
the crystal went black as if all the light had been ****** out of it.
in an instant i saw the world
i saw the past, the present, and the future,
the rise and fall of kingdoms and empires
i saw life through the eyes of an ant, a hawk, a star, and man.
i saw war, peace, love, hate and the entire spectrum of human emotion and instinct.
i saw the joy of life and the void of death.
in that instant, i was everything and nothing,
i knew all, felt all, and there was none more powerful than i.
in that moment i was life and i was death.
i was a god.
then the grove returned and i was once more myself,
except i experienced a profound sense of grief for all that i had lost.
i was truly alone.
the dream then faded to black
and i
dreamt no more that night.

nothing will make these voices stop inside my head
no matter how many times i try to burn them out on my arm
no matter how many times i try to ink them off my skin
these wretched demons clamor and chitter in my ear
and in my veins and in my muscle flesh and bone
while blank eyes stare towards the world weary sky
that is grey with apathy and pregnant with despair
im covered in sweat and cold in my heart
and every drug in the world calls my name
offering a moment of solace and a break from reality
yet i could only ever o'd on my own hate
i want to pull the flesh from my fingers
and paint my story in the brightest reds
that only ever fade to black

my mood(ring)'s
                               been
             black
the     past       couple
   ****      days

a halo of expanding hopes, dreams, and life

a crimson teardrop, tribute to the fallen one's strife

encircles the head of an angel without wings

a splash of color to these dark streets it brings



porcelain skin, cold as the night's bitter kiss

spiderwebbed with cracks, seeping cool mist

this angel was once a most beautiful thing

bright cut emerald eyes, hair black like raven's wing



the angel in past had lived, loved, and laughed

how tragic this scene, that it could not last

for the angel dreamed flying, to touch the moon

but these dreams awoke jealousy, plotting, and doom



you see, in the city where this angel did live
i
t was mechanical, heartless, and did not forgive

run by the hateful human machine who could not fly

confined to the earth in a rage it would cry



"who is this angel to be different from us?!"

hate did consume it like mechanical rust

it sought a way to grind her into the gears of the machine

"since she is not like us, we'll **** her will to dream"



with that they commenced to wicked dark things

captured the angel and cut off her wings

broken and torn, they left the angel to the dust

content to proclaim "she is now just like us"



but the angel could never assume human form

unable to fly, she could not weather this storm

the moon in the night sky, silver and fair

taunted her mind, dreams turned to nightmare



confined to the ground, humanity rotted her mind

great beauty now gone, with decay left behind

lost to the madness, driven to the edge

the angel, a mere shadow, stepped to the ledge



porcelain skin, cold as the night's bitter kiss

spiderwebbed with cracks, seeping cool mist

the angel looked to the moon, once loved, in the sky

stepped forth, and though wingless, for a moment could fly



for though the hateful human machine

had taken her will to live, love, and dream

it could never break her call to be free

the angel found an escape from this cruel place to be

a halo of expanding hopes, dreams, and life

a crimson teardrop, tribute to the fallen one's strife

encircles the head of an angel without wings

a splash of color to these dark streets it brings



porcelain skin, cold as the night's bitter kiss

spiderwebbed with cracks, seeping cool mist

this angel was once a most beautiful thing

bright cut emerald eyes, hair black like raven's wing



the angel in past had lived, loved, and laughed

how tragic this scene, that it could not last

for the angel dreamed flying, to touch the moon

but these dreams awoke jealousy, plotting, and doom



you see, in the city where this angel did live
i
t was mechanical, heartless, and did not forgive

run by the hateful human machine who could not fly

confined to the earth in a rage it would cry



"who is this angel to be different from us?!"

hate did consume it like mechanical rust

it sought a way to grind her into the gears of the machine

"since she is not like us, we'll **** her will to dream"



with that they commenced to wicked dark things

captured the angel and cut off her wings

broken and torn, they left the angel to the dust

content to proclaim "she is now just like us"



but the angel could never assume human form

unable to fly, she could not weather this storm

the moon in the night sky, silver and fair

taunted her mind, dreams turned to nightmare



confined to the ground, humanity rotted her mind

great beauty now gone, with decay left behind

lost to the madness, driven to the edge

the angel, a mere shadow, stepped to the ledge



porcelain skin, cold as the night's bitter kiss

spiderwebbed with cracks, seeping cool mist

the angel looked to the moon, once loved, in the sky

stepped forth, and though wingless, for a moment could fly



for though the hateful human machine

had taken her will to live, love, and dream

it could never break her call to be free

the angel found an escape from this cruel place to be

a grey and orange ghost
slips unfettered between
this world and
a quiet place
of muted shadows
hidden
until eyes like marbles
blink into existence
and my cheshire kitten
slinks into my room
with no more whisper
than silk on glass
liquid

I am terrified
not for the first time
do you love this boy?

once upon a time I wished for happy places and better things
now I only want your arms and this feeling of pain to leave my veins
but I'm afraid of the sky that's increasingly going grey
so I wait with open arms in the pouring rain and feel the whisper of your ghost passing through my brain
tattered and torn lay here bleeding and I hear you leaving me an empty shell an unanswered call
what happened my love for you to take the best time of my life and give it to the unforgiving jackals grasping for your hand and any sense of memory

The feeling of fall

Will forever remind me of you

Of the nights that we shared

The smell of vanilla in the air



This is the time of year I will never forget

The love that we shared the secrets we kept

These are the scars that I'll always bare

Stitched on the sleeve of my hoodie you wear



Kiss the chill night

To taste the pain

Look in your eyes

Betray I'm ok



This is the time of year I will never forget

The love that we shared the secrets we kept

These are the scars I'll always bare

Stitched on the sleeve of my hoodie you wear



Chills coursing down my spine

Hands fumble explore bodies fingers intertwine

Learning and finding new ways

To pass these fall days



This is the time of year I will never forget

The love that we shared the secrets we kept

These are the scars I'll always bare

Stitched on the sleeve of my hoodie you wear



Now you're in his arms

And I'm all alone

He's kissing the lips

Once pressed upon mine



This is the time of year I will never forget

The love that we shared the secrets we kept

These are the scars that I'll always bare

Stitched on the sleeve of my hoodie you wear



And I swear that I'm fine

Believe me I'm fine
I just can't get the smell

Of vanilla off my mind

Bleeding In my own wold
 I am serene
I am ******* buddah
An exemplary  exhibit of how
To be calm in a storm 
How to stand on my own in the waves
That crush my shoulders
That smash my chest 
That bring me to my knees
**** the rules
And I defy the gods of this world
I raise my voice
In a defiant hymn 
I rebel
I exist through my will
And I will not be brought low
I am flesh blood and bone
I am because I am
And my thoughts roam these 
Unsavory waters
I will fight these demons
I will become what I may
And relentless I will purge
My soul
I scream till my eyes bleed
And I know what it means
To eat the heart of my enemies

the moon
                 is no longer
                                     a bright
                                                  silver  ­
                                                           sphere
                                                                ­       in the sky
rather a muddy brown circle
                                                  at the bottom of my coffee cup
while stars
                   that used to
                                       dance
                                                  throughout the heavens
instead play behind
                                    the lids
                                                 of my
tired
bloodshot
eyes
       and
            dawns first light brings
                                                     not
                                                      joy,
nor hope,
nor relief
but stings
                 the nerves and
                                           ushers forth

regret

            at a night's lost rest
                                              on edge from minutes
of sleep my
                     weary mind wonders




*why oh why does it have to be finals week?

brain dead
                   sleep deprived
caffeine high

*the end is nigh

floating mid kitchen
with tiny bass beats
pulsing past plates
with orange razor lines
mixing to yellow green smoke
and swirling round my face
caressing touch
memory's ghost

when you catch yourself staring out the window

eyes tracking snowflakes. counting the seconds.

searching for meaning in seasonal change

looking for patterns spiraling in any direction but
                                                                ­                                down

seeing the sky’s just ******* hallmark card covers

when it’s half past one and you’re

wishing
wishing
wishing for

that snow

to bury

the campus. the people. the ******* assignments.

in something so cold it stings your fingers into feeling
enough to dig out of self-inflicted snow drifts

in something so bright and white that it
washes the grey stains from your eyes

when you let it go let it go let it go
and sit on the slushy side walk – only frozen
but without the ******* feel-good Disney songs
that happily work out ever after
in the happiest place on earth
when you don’t even care enough to finish the poem.

don’t.

well **** this and **** that
the spirit of not caring
because caring gets you hurt
with the best of intentions
and time never returned
when will i learn to be
sufficiently cynical
to say **** this and *******
my heart is closed
and no ones allowed in
i dont need anyone
better to have loved and loss?
but best to not care at all

the old gods beckon
the forrest promises life
primal, i dance free

Dark days followed by dark nights

Shadows in the corner know your fear

Ghost whispers play in your ear

Left, right, up, down

Where ever you look darkness surrounds

Can you feel them drawing near?

Sudden fear streaks down your spine

Shivers, chills, stuck in time

Pale forms gliding, they're almost here

Trapped on the spot, heart beating faster

Can't move, can't breathe

Fear rules here

Enveloped in mist, deep and dark

Can't find the light, look in your heart

Ghosts whisper near

All hope lost, almost done

Sit up with a start, where have they gone?

Bright light all around

Sun beating on the ground

Feel no more fear

A quick shadow eclipses the light

A ghost whispers near

it's glorious outside and
I am in a foul ******* mood
I kicked your dog
I took your kid's candy
I spit in your fries
the sun is shining and
my thoughts are blacker than sin
animal abuse commercials were
made because of me
the ones about the orphans too
the birds are singing and
the sound makes me want
to shove their stupid *******
songs down their stupid *******
throats
the world is laughing 'round me
and all I want to do is beat
it till it screams and shakes and cries
today is not a good day

anger uncontrollable wildly swings to and fro
a weathervane shifting it's glaring arrow
from me to you to me to you to me to god
this tempest boiling over from my half full mindset
spills forth from my body a black wicked liquid
its leaks from my pores and pours from my eyes
spews from my mouth and is felt in the
tremors of my hands
incensed irate rabid sick and shaking
my mind like a dog should be put down out back
an execution style burial one bullet to my head
just watch for the blood spatter
don't want to infect anyone else

an attack of conscience on
the unsuspecting mind brings
men to their knees
faster than a dagger to the back
wills subjugated by the unrelenting
judge of understanding