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721 · Nov 2011
the tribute
Ben Nov 2011
a raven's cry haunts the
Stanford Bridge, a warriors life
tribute to Odin
718 · Feb 2014
nature meditation
Ben Feb 2014
I wish to gaze upon the unbound moon
floating freely above the night sky
from the secret spot inside my room
with wonder filled unblinking eyes

to whisper with the rustling leaves
and learn secrets of the forest old
caressed by the cool north breeze
enchanted by the stories told

I want to love with all my heart
the beauty found in nature's way
live every way to do my part
and treasure every sacred day
Ben Feb 2012
+++++
+    ?    +
+++++++
++++
++++
++++
++++
blood,
   ink,-----+-----quill,
knife,
which one draws lines
while the other takes life
++++++++++
++++++++++
++++++++++
+++++++++
++++++++
++++++++­
++++++++
++++++++
++++++++
+++++++
+++++++
+++++++
+++++++
+++++­+
++++++
++++++
++++++
++++++
+++++
+++++
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++
?
713 · Feb 2012
my mind, my enemy
Ben Feb 2012
i would scream for you
if only i thought anyone
would hear my anguished
cries, carried on a cold
northern wind, almost as
unfeeling as your heart
almost as distant as the
stars that sit on their
flaming thrones in the
vast empty expanse of space
only to look down and judge
me, mock me, with their
beauty, so reminiscent of
the very same that you posses

i hold my breath in this
raging, storming sea
that has flooded my mind
waiting to hear from you once more
a life line to a drowning man
unlikely as the ability to
breathe water as if it were air
705 · Dec 2011
the mind is a machine
Ben Dec 2011
mechanical ticking
of maniacal minds
who grind their
rusty gears to dust

never stop stripping
their screws and their fittings
til their mental machines
break and bust

dripping and dripping
their oil is leaking
out ear holes and eye holes
malicious malignant pus
702 · Jul 2014
stress (10w)
Ben Jul 2014
anger strikes like lightning but
thunder claps leave me confused
698 · Aug 2013
good morning
Ben Aug 2013
it's glorious outside and
I am in a foul ******* mood
I kicked your dog
I took your kid's candy
I spit in your fries
the sun is shining and
my thoughts are blacker than sin
animal abuse commercials were
made because of me
the ones about the orphans too
the birds are singing and
the sound makes me want
to shove their stupid *******
songs down their stupid *******
throats
the world is laughing 'round me
and all I want to do is beat
it till it screams and shakes and cries
today is not a good day
687 · Nov 2011
Poet's Relief
Ben Nov 2011
a quick fix
relief for an hour
a pencil, my needle
paper, my ******
i can't write enough
to forget these feelings
for more than an hour
i'm addicted
to a temporary solution
i've got my fix
for
now
Ben Dec 2011
woke up today
smoked breakfast through
my lungs
words flowed from my
pen, unbidden in the end
blues guitar in my head
lyrics written in my soul
the buzz brought on
by this drug in my veins
the rat - tat of the snare
a ghost note on these shelves
books of the mind
opened to the masses
i spent my afternoon in
my classes
with thoughts of the moon
daydreaming loops
round like a record
skipping flipping
and ripping this
poetic veil
Ben Sep 2012
my vices are devices
through which ideas flow from my mind
as readily as ink flows to my skin

they allow me to express
the beauty of sitting still for an hour
with nothing on your mind

while these cigarettes
burn through a year to my life
and the courage that flows through my veins  
is supplied by my local thought dealer

a key to my mind
its seems that i an unable to write
what i think what i feel
without this passage of time
in which i may not have
full control of my mind

but what is a few years of my life
to sacrifice
if i can show how its meant to be alive

and i can live and love and laugh
as much as the next person does

but i must cut a bit deeper than the knife
in the gloved hand of fate
that denies me this wish

this wish to be free of what you call bliss

i write so i am
i think just because
but these words do not flow
without some from some cause
alcohol?
cigarettes?
***?  
drugs?
love?
any of the above?
678 · Nov 2011
piety?
Ben Nov 2011
pretentious pseudo
Priests pompously peruse prayers
purchasing penance
677 · Dec 2013
skinchanger
Ben Dec 2013
the price we pay for beauty
sown in sweat and blood
etched upon our living skin
the uncomfortable art of
passion raw red will power
to sit and let it burn
pain is all in your head
god i want that tattoo buzz
675 · Nov 2011
ocean emotion
Ben Nov 2011
love
comes and goes
like
ocean tides
footprints
wiped clean
670 · Sep 2012
coffee shop series #5
Ben Sep 2012
coffee shop motion
a city to standstill
slow dance this turning sensual beat
where free minds play
and ideas take root
in this grassroots gathering
of love like the ocean
swelling to drown out the sea
and the cry of mocking birds
sings me to sleep
safe in the knowledge
that change comes to mind
when colorful trees strip with the time
and this green earth keeps spinning
powered by the powers below and above
when angels and devils
fear not to make love
we'll tear down these walls
built by greed and hate
and show one another
we make our own fate!
666 · Dec 2012
fuck this and fuck that
Ben Dec 2012
well **** this and **** that
the spirit of not caring
because caring gets you hurt
with the best of intentions
and time never returned
when will i learn to be
sufficiently cynical
to say **** this and *******
my heart is closed
and no ones allowed in
i dont need anyone
better to have loved and loss?
but best to not care at all
662 · Feb 2013
fairy tale
Ben Feb 2013
once upon a time I wished for happy places and better things
now I only want your arms and this feeling of pain to leave my veins
but I'm afraid of the sky that's increasingly going grey
so I wait with open arms in the pouring rain and feel the whisper of your ghost passing through my brain
tattered and torn lay here bleeding and I hear you leaving me an empty shell an unanswered call
what happened my love for you to take the best time of my life and give it to the unforgiving jackals grasping for your hand and any sense of memory
Ben Feb 2013
i want to scream till i puke and cry myself empty
because my mind is a dark place and the thoughts
that haunt me are half formed and sadistic
they wrap my mind so tight in these chains
that i feel like the breath is crushed right out of me
and my ribcage is cracking my shoulders are breaking
and my eyes have been replaced with
cold black stone.. i thought i was made of flesh and blood
but apparently i'm just carved out of metal and bone
657 · Nov 2011
red leaf dying
Ben Nov 2011
the air outside is biting
the bitter sweet smell
of autumns dying breath
bury me in colors
reds yellows oranges
bleeding their lives
into a thirsty broken ground
bleeding and dripping to
browns grays black
forest floor moist with the
dark sky's lonely tears
falling of off twisted
bare broken branches
skeletal fingers reaching
towards the watery sun
bury me in colors
before the colors
of autumns dying breath
melt into the endless
open abyss of white
winters cruel cold
cleaning of the slate
unbroken except for the
single set of footsteps
leading to a solitary
red leaf dying
650 · Mar 2012
Autumn, you're too cliche.
Ben Mar 2012
Autumn has never looked so beautiful
with red streams overflowing on to pale white banks
rivulets of summers laughter brought forth
with the gentle kiss of sharp ice from winter's depths
to turn from the brightest crimson to black
empty are the eyes of the sun now darkened
and glassy as the last breath of air rustles
through falling leaves
stirring a lock of raven hair gently
as a blanket of fog descends to obscure
colors made vibrant by life in a never ending sea of grey
i love you whispered tree to tree, the last sound heard
before she falls to dreamless sleep
649 · Aug 2014
vent
Ben Aug 2014
shut down/falling through
the best laid plans of
prophets and poets
bear bitter black fruits
rotten from the core
to shining silver lining;
while the few remaining consequences
mean little to those without a conscience
consequently causing catastrophic
casualties of casual causality.

facking cahnts
648 · Sep 2012
coffee shop series #4
Ben Sep 2012
motivation brought bought and sold
by the onset of insecure doubt
terrified by the prospect of living
outside the lines
my soul is colored pale with the brushstroke
of the unknown
i wander aimlessly looking for a
sense of direction in this mist
insubstantial thoughts do little to
keep my head above these turbulent waters
and my blood draws sharks from afar
seeking to ******* flesh and drag
me to the depths of this unforgiving
life
ah! sharks!
648 · May 2014
campus side
Ben May 2014
the halogen moon hung hazy in a light polluted sky
reflecting dull on the brown olive pond
while bullfrogs rasp and croak a choked out love song
the heavy bass thump of passing metal cages
and riotous cacophony of undulating drunken laughter
drowned out nature's soft sighing whisper
  
I meditate for peace but only feel the unyielding concrete beneath my feet
the harsh sensory assault of a school that never sleeps
Ben Jan 2014
my vices are devices to make myself stop
thinking of every which way life can go wrong
not to get ****** up funny it seems but to
try and live a happier life a better mind yet
at the rate I'm going it won't matter that I
don't remember my Saturday nights because
I'll be done by Sunday and my fears will be
put to bed
Ben Nov 2011
empty the feeling i get
when i think about your
untold secret(s)
be there for her
says my head my heart
yet help you dont need
or so you say
"ill go at it alone
deal with it myself"
self courageous strong to the 
end
product of pain loss care
unrequited love love that
could eclipse a thousand
suns
how can you burn so bright
feel so strong take what
you do hear see and keep
going on
it amazes me awes me to
the point of not knowing what 
to say except i want to be
there i want to help you hold you and
i feel empty because i know i
cant you need to deal with
these demons alone i can
hear you now "now worries no worries"
yet ill worry in secret in my mind
my heart my soul though i say "ok"
cause even if you never told me anything
id worry for you about you with you
cause of my own unrequited love
635 · Nov 2011
Autumn's Soliloquy
Ben Nov 2011
Autumn's chill wind plays down my neck
while the ghost of you whispers in my ear
mist in the edge of my eye, never out of sight
flowers at your grave, red roses bleeding
into the gray ground, stone angles mark where you lay
dew drops glisten on their faces like tears unshed
its been a year since i killed you, my love
and still you haunt me, a loving nightmare
buried in the soft earth, your bones pierce my heart
and the smell of vanilla fills me with fear
crimson hands never clean this knife
driven into your back and into my soul
i will be ****** with the memories of you
and those who don't believe in ghosts
...have never been haunted by you
631 · Jun 2012
a sleepless dream
Ben Jun 2012
we live between the panels in the unfamiliar life
time happening scene to scene with no interlude
no interlude for the weary actor who longs for a respite
a glass of water to clear a parched dry throat
yet the curtain never falls on this comic book scene
the hero never rests and so loses his mind to the constant
never ever ever ever ending stream on conscientious objections
to pursuing the greater good, not for the individual but for the whole
the wolf brings down its prey for the sake of the pack and yet
my teeth bite down on nothing but air, involuntary
the sky calls to those who wish to be free of these intentions
of plots within circles within groups within cliches
truth will set you free to explore the recesses of the darkest mind
but the blue pill will grant you sleep
629 · Jan 2013
all i want
Ben Jan 2013
girlie you've a lot
to learn in these coming days
let me hold your hand
628 · Jul 2013
Autumn in Summer
Ben Jul 2013
it's cool summer nights like these
where I roll down the windows
to watch the world pass while
our song plays quiet through the speakers
and, just for a second, with eyes half closed
I can feel your hand in mine
sweet memory of touch
before I refocus and find a car that's empty
and space between my fingers
an ache in my chest and a cold right shoulder
621 · Nov 2015
11:10 pm
Ben Nov 2015
my muse sinks to five times filtered depths
that twist lemon, orange, sugar rimmed
five times distilled,
filtered depths
that fill half empty
                                 gin blossoms
                                 dry on ice
                                 shaken not stirred
                                 bruised, black eye
                                 ****** smile
seductively pouring from throat
through keeping thoughts straight
burning time will keep my heart from freezing
standing still while
words escape
me.
it's been awhile
619 · Dec 2011
Marius Gallowsraven
Ben Dec 2011
The pale glow of her skin

Calls out to him

Calling and luring and dragging him in

The kiss of two lovers

The passion delight

Nothing compared to the vampires bite

Golden hair flows back

Exposing her skin

Her blood its calling

Calling to him

Feel her heart beating

Its racing, its racing

Beating and beating the darkness within

Now the bites taken

Now the bloods flowing

Drip, drip, dripping for him 

Soaking and staining the soft white skin

Come see the feeding of

Marius Gallowsraven
619 · Nov 2011
roses
Ben Nov 2011
thorns on roses
draw a ******
reminder of fleeting
Beauty
616 · Nov 2011
I Swear That I'm OK
Ben Nov 2011
is a razor blade cheating?
because i cant feel the pain
i see the blood
drip
drip
dripping down
my knuckles on to the sink
did i really cut that deep?
because i cant feel the pain
as im staining my
sink
skin
red with life
will the color ever come out
have i lost all feeling truly?
because i cant feel the pain
maybe im already
numb
dying
dead
i cant seem to get warm
have i really gone this far?
because i cant feel the pain
carved into my knuckles
drag back
drag forth
substitute emotion
to remind me how i feel
yet im still feeling nothing
nothing
nothing
except for pain
609 · Dec 2011
the laying (lying?) frost
Ben Dec 2011
Frost clings to green Grass
lies of love, a one night stand
gone at dawn's first light
602 · Dec 2011
a conversation
Ben Dec 2011
i hate myself as much as i love you
he said
how much do you love me*
she said



..a lot
596 · Jan 2012
l(over)
Ben Jan 2012
the feeling of love
a long lost friend
left due to disuse,
distrust, a lack of
motivation for lack
of better words
to cynical?
to jaded?
or just to scared?
to bridge that gap
to take the first step
the feeling of love
all but forgotten unlike
the very real, very close
feeling of pain, of loss
of being alone
of causing another harm
do i dare take the leap
do i dare risk the fall
the inevitable or is it?

my heart searches
screams out to the void
for a companion
answers hidden
and only hears its own
echo
        echo
                 ech
                        ec
                             e
                                .








*i am so very alone
Ben Dec 2011
swishcreeeakswisssssssh
it's autumn and the leaves are falling
swishcreeeakswisssssssh
how long will this creaking rope
swishcreeeakswisssssssh
keep my spirit aloft in the tree tops
swishcreeeakswisssssssh
before i too drift to the rotting forest floor
swishcreeeakswisssssssh
Ben Sep 2012
but what do you do when
this machine made world you live in
rusts and breaks and comes apart
into a thousand blood red screws and gears
slowly spinning to a stop with a
half hearted sigh
no more the will to crank and turn
the dynamo that orbits these steel caged
heavens
glowing white blaze hot in the fire
of this unforgiving sun
the pavement is cracked and uneven
the weeds look grey to the world weary
eyes
ashes to ashes dust to dust we
all fall down as the plague doctor
takes off his mask to dark pits of despair
the blackness burns! with a cold heat
where run these feral dogs when this
intricate contraption ceases to power
these city streets
all i taste is soot
my hands are numb
the sky weeps hot flakes of my soul
578 · Sep 2012
notebook poems #1
Ben Sep 2012
am i who i ever want to be
or will i ever seek the meaning
to these life questions
my favorite breakfast food
the color of the shirt i wear today
music
tattoos
love
life
death
***
taxes
and the rest
blend together in a tempest
of thoughts that flash before my eyes
who am i who am i who am i
and if i knew the terrible truth
could i look myself in the soul
or would i just lie
the most futile pursuit of this world
is not freedom happiness love
but knowing oneself inside and out
we all lie
to save face with ourselves
577 · Nov 2011
untitled
Ben Nov 2011
So this is what it’s like to face the unknown
The ground fast approaching as we fall
Wingless angels seeking paradise
In the sweet release of these earthly bonds
No, not the end, merely a new adventure
Hands, heads, held high in defiance
We chose how to live
We will choose how to die
Free till we pass from one world
Together into the next we go
The air is clear up here
The sun reflects a thousand diamonds
How time seems to slow
Every detail, the world a painting below
Breathtaking we’re breathless
As the ground fast approa---
575 · Mar 2012
beach love
Ben Mar 2012
your breath
                      reminiscent of
                                                  ocean waves
                                                                           lulling me
                  to
                                  sleep
568 · Jan 2012
a life lesson from dogs
Ben Jan 2012
life, like war, can seem
chaotic to say the least
yet, my dog still sleeps
562 · Nov 2011
loss
Ben Nov 2011
paper hearts held to the flame
burn with the passion that
we used to know
until my fingers are covered
in the ashes of my memories
of the nights we spent laughing
in the glow of our cigarettes
kissing to pass the times that
your hand never left mine
locked our secrets in the dresser
on your desk you held my heart
in the stem of your wineglass
my last memory fades out to the
morning sun erasing the solitude
of night, i’m alive, my heart’s
still beating minus the piece I left with you
561 · Nov 2011
Stop Thinking
Ben Nov 2011
Id like to stop thinking for a moment
just a pause in time
id like to stop thinking for a moment
with this gun of mine
id like to stop thinking for a moment
lock and load
id like to stop thinking for a moment
squeeze my finger
id like to stop thinking for a moment
click, blasting out my mind
id like to stop thinking for a moment
with music from these head phones
ha you thought I killed myself
but the guns in your hand
not mine
561 · Nov 2011
love
Ben Nov 2011
as we play through these
gray underpasses
drinking the night away
on these cold city streets
share your cigarette with me
and we’ll share our love
in my compact’s back seat
kisses mapping paths to
our hearts as we taste
our souls in the salty tears
of our goodbyes
(spoken)
ashes to ashes we danced
under the moon with the
trees to our backs
fall with the leaves as you
fell into my arms
inseparable i loved you more
than i could never know
560 · Nov 2015
on sleeping through class
Ben Nov 2015
fine line balancing act
a liquor jar tight
rope around my neck
i see clearly
i see double and
i choose to grasp at
the reflection in the glass
Ben Feb 2013
i refuse to sleep because
losing my mind
is better than seeing him in
my dreams
and the way you whisper
his name
will forever haunt me
lie to my face
and **** me slowly
556 · Jan 2013
eht wiev morf ym wodniw
Ben Jan 2013
nothing will make these voices stop inside my head
no matter how many times i try to burn them out on my arm
no matter how many times i try to ink them off my skin
these wretched demons clamor and chitter in my ear
and in my veins and in my muscle flesh and bone
while blank eyes stare towards the world weary sky
that is grey with apathy and pregnant with despair
im covered in sweat and cold in my heart
and every drug in the world calls my name
offering a moment of solace and a break from reality
yet i could only ever o'd on my own hate
i want to pull the flesh from my fingers
and paint my story in the brightest reds
that only ever fade to black
552 · Dec 2011
guard your thoughts, else
Ben Dec 2011
an attack of conscience on
the unsuspecting mind brings
men to their knees
faster than a dagger to the back
wills subjugated by the unrelenting
judge of understanding
548 · Aug 2014
introsphere
Ben Aug 2014
i do my best soul searching while
cumulus colossuses ponderously trudge
under the last soft fire rays of a pastel sunset
with silver stars crowning the purple velvet horizon
and a mirror clear view up to incandescent heavens
all reminding me of just.
how small.
i am.

#introspective
548 · Jul 2013
Venus and Mars (a haiku)
Ben Jul 2013
her smooth violet lips
mouthing honestly for peace.
sweet eyes thunder war
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