a sinner seeking redemption
                                                   will he ever touch heavens gate?

the moment between.

                                        sunset.

                                       nightfall.                                      

                                                       when all cats are grey.

do you know what it's like
to be bone dry thirsty
with every shimmering drink
at your eager fingertips
all there calling for just
                                             a sip
but this drink will slow you
and this helps to forget
while after a wetter while
the next one becomes daily  
                                                   habit
so you sit in the sand    
and suffer cracked lips
a peeling parched throat  
and the frayed ends of
                                            wit
fighting the urge of
      one
               little
                         sip

light and shadows make a play across rapid fingers
moving in time to the the symphony played out night by night
light and dark, a question of ambiguous morality
where will we go with this life, this pursuit of fulfillment
yet i stand in the yard alone with eyes turned toward
the heavens and still i ask the moon why? what is the meaning of this life
an ocean of thoughts and feelings waves that crash upon the shore of my mind
sand and sand and sand infinite and finite in practice
the light cast by the stars comes to earth cold like a promise made at night
yet my arms are warm and empty, open to any embrace from loving angels
with a sweet kiss upon my lips i breath a farewell to the ladies in my life
to search endlessly in this sea of waving grains golden in the sunset
for love, for hope, for a reason to walk on and on
copper and iron and steel
industrial
i love yet i lack
i feel yet i am not free
will you be mine
will you be mine
will you be mine
and dance with me
on this fine summer day?

apathetic heartbeat take a hold of my senses and sink me into a state of being uncomfortably numb on the eve of a night soon forgotten
with a pretentious comment and a pretty air of arrogance girlie girl the world is going to take you down a step or three
romantic notions are dead darling but its your skin not mine, I learned that lesson one too many years ago
and have never felt more lost
but take your attitude to the grave for all I cared, you'll know you're there by the trail of dead know-it-all dreamers that life will never spare
I've learned my lesson
and I can't seem to care
if you choke on yours

chain smoke cigarettes
in my bathroom to **** the
enveloping pain

your hand, a black velvet glove one a white lace lie
brushed the hair from my innocent eyes
as your poisonous red lips
stole the life from mine
you whispered in my ear
and i could hardly believe to hear
                                  "love is suicide, hold me as we fall together"
fall we did (no regards for consequences)
angels without wings (we left them on my apartment floor)
the wind lifting our hearts (more than our bodies)
as we rested in a pool of roses (a red and black affair....cliche?)
30 stories below
you've never looked so perfect
with a broken halo on your head
with our love on your lips
life reflected in your glassy eyes
no breathe to stir the living
as i fade to black

if it wasn't
                   so
                       cold
                                 out
i wouldn't have a problem walking anywhere
just
to
get
                                 out

a discrepancy
in my character, forgive
but never forget

floating mid kitchen
with tiny bass beats
pulsing past plates
with orange razor lines
mixing to yellow green smoke
and swirling round my face
caressing touch
memory's ghost

reincarnation
of ideas runs
(selcric circles)
runs ideas of
reincarnation

a second before a brush with that buzzing needle
and the world stands still for that one perfect moment
my heart beats faster, pupils dilate
and a heady sigh escapes my lips
as ink and blood mingle and mix
to form new shapes brought alive
awash in red and black
chemical release as endorphins flow my mind goes blank not a thought for a penny nor a care for the world
and my soul rests easy with one more
story written out on my skin

i want to change the world
one mind at a time
to open the eyes of those stuck
in the fold
with words to the wind
i write to the world
in hopes that these sounds
touch the hearts of the few
and spread like wildfire
all consuming of thoughts with
motion to live free for passion and love
a candle to hold indifference darkness at bay
a spark struck with hopes to be an inferno
of change

hellbent livid heart
touches ugly her body
blows hard leaves shiver

in my dream i woke up in a lush green grove
and in the center of the grove there was a pool of crystal
that reflected all the light like a polished mirror.
i walked up to the pool and when i gazed in,
the crystal went black as if all the light had been ****** out of it.
in an instant i saw the world
i saw the past, the present, and the future,
the rise and fall of kingdoms and empires
i saw life through the eyes of an ant, a hawk, a star, and man.
i saw war, peace, love, hate and the entire spectrum of human emotion and instinct.
i saw the joy of life and the void of death.
in that instant, i was everything and nothing,
i knew all, felt all, and there was none more powerful than i.
in that moment i was life and i was death.
i was a god.
then the grove returned and i was once more myself,
except i experienced a profound sense of grief for all that i had lost.
i was truly alone.
the dream then faded to black
and i
dreamt no more that night.

it's during that awful time of semi-consciousness
while my mind is still riding that razor line
between this world and the one in my mind
where my soul lays bare to unflinching introspection
that my stomach clenches into a knot tied tight
my heart races then stops while lungs struggle for air
and every mistake i continue to make drags
their wretched ******* fingernails across my eyes
i recoil from my self sick of the battered skin i'm in
fighting the urge to choke on false hope and failing
while sickly sweet desperate promises for change
spill from my mouth like ***** past my cracked lips
and i know i'm still alive because i'm not dead yet

not a moment in the present
but an infinite span in the past
flowing like a river about you
the ribbon of time twisting in
soft silken strands, a combination of colors
the brush ever so lightly against
you're upturned enraptured face
eyes so bright, filled with silver stars
as fine filaments of hair float
on a nonexistent breeze blowing
to dance and twirl about your head
an ever-moving halo.

"wonder at all the mysteries of life, my love
for in the future even time itself must perish
lose yourself in the beauty of your being
and all the world shall tremble and stop
to gaze upon one who is truly free"

curiosity kills naught but ignorance

where do you go
                               to lose yourself
                                                           to shed your shell
and come out - scared - broken
to

    b
       l
         e
           e
              d

without a sound, shuffle, sigh...

are we all defective - twisted - lost?

where do you go to die?

let's see if i can get to the point
where i feel no more without passing out
so i can think of you again
and all those nights we had
without wanting to take
this blade to my chest and
cut out my still feeling heart
cause it causes me nothing but
anguish and leaves me feeling empty
at 3:30 in the morning
i feel your arms around me
as your ghost whispers in my ear
and tells me how you once
used to love

it only takes a cold winter night
to remind me of the lost warmth
between two encompassing arms
a comforting circle of nostalgia
that only exists in memory and motion
sweet soft lips ghost memory of this
spent an eternal life seeking moonlight
to spend soft silver silk caressing the
heart of another soul; betray by kiss
and let me know by the swaying of
your hips that you found another lover
in the midst of all this mist

the river flows swift
flanked by mossy monoliths
a single yell, splash

bored senseless?
                               i think so.
cigarette's done,

                                 my arm...
      ashtray!!

a constant fight against the mind
it lasts the whole night this time
may I be struck emotionally  blind
while trying to forget the rhyme
and reason caused gears to grind
I swear to god I'm ******* fine
I yell stumbling through this mine-
field of flaws, dozens for a dime
while my heart can't help but pine
for future love I have yet to find

inhale my heart into your lungs
as the embers of the summer's sun
fall to your tongue and turn to ash
while running to escape won't hide the past
and all those nights we scarcely shared
held in my arms you lied, i cared
as we watched the stars set 
to dawns first light
lie to my memories darling
and tell me yesterday will be ok
because tomorrow is hours too far away

Dark days followed by dark nights

Shadows in the corner know your fear

Ghost whispers play in your ear

Left, right, up, down

Where ever you look darkness surrounds

Can you feel them drawing near?

Sudden fear streaks down your spine

Shivers, chills, stuck in time

Pale forms gliding, they're almost here

Trapped on the spot, heart beating faster

Can't move, can't breathe

Fear rules here

Enveloped in mist, deep and dark

Can't find the light, look in your heart

Ghosts whisper near

All hope lost, almost done

Sit up with a start, where have they gone?

Bright light all around

Sun beating on the ground

Feel no more fear

A quick shadow eclipses the light

A ghost whispers near

loneliness is only a curse of the living
together we all dance to deaths slow song
hands forever held, eyes sewn shut
icy lips locked, sharing no feeling
together we dance, together we fall

light and shadows make a play across rapid fingers
moving in time to the the symphony played out night by night
light and dark, a question of ambiguous morality
where will we go with this life, this pursuit of fulfillment
yet i stand in the yard alone with eyes turned toward
the heavens and still i ask the moon why? what is the meaning of this life
an ocean of thoughts and feelings waves that crash upon the shore of my mind
sand and sand and sand infinite and finite in practice
the light cast by the stars comes to earth cold like a promise made at night
yet my arms are warm and empty, open to any embrace from loving angels
with a sweet kiss upon my lips i breathe a farewell to the ladies in my life
to search endlessly in this sea of waving grains golden in the sunset
for love, for hope, for a reason to walk on and on
copper and iron and steel
industrial
i love yet i lack
i feel yet i am not free
will you be mine
will you be mine
will you be mine
and dance with me
on this fine summer day?

a fresh poem a day
                                 keeps the doctor away.


right?

as i pass through this tunnel i called life
catching a small glimpse of what's outside
only to be obscured by rock walls once more

i can imagine the breath of fresh air
life delivered to my choking lungs
black and withered from the lies i told
        
                                                                          (i can change)
                                                                          (it will only get easier)
                                                                          (there is, love for me)

and my eyes, not open to the sun
see so far in front when blind to the light
everything looks the same granite and grey

deliver me from this overbearing mountain
of self afflicted doubts, weighing down
to the point of immobilizing madness

will path i walk ever lead me home?
the rusty tracks beside, promising change
winding, twisting, never-ending

when

a rumble through the ground
a tremble through my being
a light! a freight train savior!
a step to the tracks,
wait, hold.
arms open to embrace my fate

would you miss me if i
died
would you even shed a tear
would anyone i know even
cry

would i haunt you in your sleep
a shadow
a ghost
a secret
you couldn't keep
am i killing you?

if i disappeared tomorrow
what would be left unsaid
don't come to my funeral
it's to late, i', already dead

you had your chance
no one heard the words i said
no one read the signs and now it's to late
I've gone over and given myself to
fate

-                                    u
                          ­        j       m
i may let go and                  p
                                      
                                                   f
                                                     r
                                                       e
                                                         e

                                                          f

 ­                                                         a

                                                          l
    ­
                                                          l
    ­            


                                                          d

                      
                                                          r


  ­                                                        e  


                                                          a


­                                                          m


   ­                                                       n


      ­                                                    i


         ­                                                 n


            ­                                              g


               ­                                        stop.

intertwined branches
                                        shedding the last
                  leaves
                               of fall
no shame

my mood(ring)'s
                               been
             black
the     past       couple
   ****      days

i'm wrapped in strings and
your'e the one whose tying knots
i'm taking shots and
you're this must see ******* the spot
hungover at three and i'm at my best,
kicking and screaming - your'e a hot mess
wake up wake up it's all going down now
get out get out i can't stand this place now
go on go on there's no holding back now
i'm the one whose leaving and you can't even call my name
my vision's blurry and i can't walk straight,
your'e wrecking hearts, burning bridges, playing fate
and i'm smoking three packs everyday,
you're the one who made me this way
you and me aren't meant to be and
now this song is going out of key
look at all these times we shared
i'm seeing double and it's almost as good as being there

the coffee shop smell on this chill
autumn day reminds me of times outside
these worries and cares free like the
bird that spears through the sky
where are my wings?
i lost them in a deal with the devil
to live for my life
now hope burns in my lungs and
rises twisting turning on this
northern breeze smoke flows from
my lips like a gentle last kiss
my love set sail to the wind and
fly with your mind
for you will always find me in this
unforgiving sky
with a glance from the side
and a whisper of love
i will find my way my wings
and your love

Once Upon a Time
the storybook never closed
The End?

it's hard to sleep
when i close my eyes
and see you fit to him
the way you fit to me
kissing lips that
tasted once like mine
i hope you choke on
the thought of what
you did and how you did it
and i wished upon
every star i could see
the worst luck in the world
that every car crash
and broken heart
falls in your lap
i've seen more honesty
in... oh never mind
its not like you'll read
my rant where my heart
is open and on my wrist
pulsing red and turning
to black with the sky
an awful wretched grey
im collapsing and can
only sigh to the wind
because i'll smile to your face
and hold you in my arms
even though you still
smell of him darling

a poet cannot just die in his sleep or of old age
those are deaths best left to the unimaginative
a poet instead will find his end with the
tragic with the lost
with those who wish to die air
a flair for the dramatic
drowning in a pool of thought
or facing fears at the end of a barrel
or writing with a shard of mirror, reflection of my heart
stories that never heal
on a permanent canvas
an indefinite reminder
woven through ]out a web of veins, vines twisting with life

flesh, blood, bone, muscle
chemicals, emotions, thought.
seven word human?

frost like spirits our ancestors tread
floating on footsteps made of ash
while silently razors like ice slip
slowly over ignorant heads
blood is the currency red running
like rust
burnt to the faces of old gods and new
copper the taste of air
burned in june
earth tones speak of untold guilt

foggy mornings
never looked so good
reflected in gray eyes