empty cups
curtained windows
and a bible that hasn't been opened since they told you there's a chance.
clusters of papers-
                             rejected-
                                          coupled with
that old journal you vowed to never open again.
the orange bottles need to be
                                                refilled.
unma­de bed
beat up tissue box.
                                                            ­                  no one gets it.

this is sanctuary.
                            this is how you start to live again.
                                                          ­                             no one knows about
                                                           ­                                            the used to be.
the full cup
the bolted windows
the brainwashing
the attempted letters
and the pages decorated with a different kind of ink.

they don't know about
the thoughts before the pills
the never-empty bed
the fits of anger.
                                                          ­                       this is how you start to live                        
                                                                ­                                                    again.

You're weak
because you think yourself stronger than other men.

i thought we were the same
but turns out i was just wasting
time
lying to myself.

i have a tendency to
overestimate
and over analyze  
but it seems that i was wrong about you
is it that you've finally realized what i am
or do you just not care
anymore

tell me what did you run out of more quickly

**** to give
or time to waste?

actually
don't answer that.

you're too predictable and i know you too well..
i'm growing bored
and tired
of playing the same games. i've told you this.

i need a new puzzle to solve.
a new song to sing.
a new life to ruin.

He was Daniel Kingery to the police.

Daniel Overstreet to his friends.

He was Dollar Dan on the streets.

He was Daniel,
he was wet rough kisses and anger and lust to me.

He found me one day,
18 years to his 37,
he found me when i was still a question mark trying to bleed red.
From behind a lens pointed at my naked flesh
he became a man of mystery,
he became the object of my desires.

I was a young, naive girl who got caught up in
how his pockets were always full- he flaunted it.
The flowers and the exotic dinners and the alcohol and the touch...
oh god, the way we fell into bed,
onto chairs,
into walls.

Then i fell in love on a broken sidewalk.

I was blind to the empty shadows in his eyes,
to the lines he had recited,
to the webs on his face.

I made a god out of a sociopath and i called him "love".

I was his ******, his baby blue.

I became wild under his touch,
manic when he gave me his attention,
suicidal at his leaving.

I was a flower that once was his favorite,
but he left me on the windowsill at a slow, burning wilt
and forgot to water me most days.

Why water a flower when you could have a garden?

Have you ever hated what you loved
until even their existence ate at you?

I have.

we are predators merely mating for the night
for
at dawn you will leave
and
i will be
cultivating this monster of ours
in this barren womb of mine
alone

two months of glass and rusty nails
and we are both finally alive enough to feel the burn that is growing in our stomachs.

you are growing bigger.
and the days are growing closer.

i can feel your little devil horns poking holes in my lungs
as if it was yesterday.


there is no love in this child
because there was none put into it.

you came in november
when it was cold
and
i held you to my chest
like loving mothers are supposed to do...right?
and you feel so cold, child
you feel so cold.
there is no rhythm in your chest
and no sparkle in your eyes
you don't babble
or coo
or breathe
you just stare aimlessly into the stars
listening to the pitter patter on the rooftop.

still
-
born.

climbing out of your fleshy cage

shell
shocked.

jaw unhinged as if you don't know how to speak
and
of course
  you don't.


it's
as if your existence itself tore the world apart.