my     words
have
suddenly
transformed
                       .
                into   vapor

and im trying
my hardest to
remember how to breathe

  them back
into my dehydrated lungs
    so i
can understand
again
what it's like to really
   be       alive
         .

everybody liked me better when i was on drugs.
and i liked everyone better
without their
hot  heads
and sour sober tongues

chilled  to
the bone.
emotionless.
numbed up on cherry

coke

is what pleases this palate

like a dish best
   served cold
with a sprinkle of white trash garbage
and
a side of
i forgot i ever cared.

apathy in disguise
crept up on you like a spy
so little was the fight you put up.
though.
with those toothpick arms
and tired
eyes.

so simply
it
became you
.

i just don't feel the same way that i use too
and
i wish i did
because i love you so
much
and not at
all

maybe
it's not you, it's me.
maybe im a skyscraper
collapsing
into
a preschool full of people that never play fair
but didn't deserve to die
but maybe
i killed them
and used there bones
as silverware for the dinner i have made you tonight
and
maybe
i'm a cobra
spitting poison into their mouths
because  
im scared
that they'll cut my head off
and cook me and my kids in a gumbo
and
maybe
nothing is what it seems
but you don't know that
and neither do i
    and
just,
*******
maybe
i'm actually disapointed in myself
for letting this all fall down around us
and for watching
you
watch me
not closely enough.

you didn't even
      try
to
hold
       those
rafters up

but,
i suppose you let go a long time ago.

you laughed that little laugh of yours
and let them impale
you
and me too

didn't think i could feel it
but boy, did i ever.

Hahahaha

i caused this mess.
i set the world on fire.
but worst of all

i was foolish
     to think you
could
withstand
     me
.

winter
lumberjack.
   six four.
too tall
     for the trees.
scared them so  
    silly they'd
  shake.

i scream so
loud
it kills all the birds in the sky
but you still wonder why they don't sing for you

it's cold outside
and the rose garden is frozen over
and it seems like the luster in your eyes is gone
for good

they've known for ages
that your dying
and that winter is coming
but they never once thought to
prepare
or save those roses your grandpa planted
for little blonde
curlycue
you.

the rose petals
fell
and
they let you go
too quickly


makes you think if
you ever really mattered at all?

the trees don't sparkle with gold anymore
and the butterflies don't sing on the wind

your forest for hair
has now become something you've gotten yourself lost in
and the intricate ringlets
once placed
atop your head
have now become
knotted
lose curls.

you are not what you use too be.

seventeen
and
already dying of things you don't understand.

what a ******* shame.

you can hear your bones creak
and you jam your words out
of your mouth threw the spaces in your
teeth


the birds are singing
but you've lost your voice
and  
your grandpa isn't here to teach you bird songs
or whistle the blues
while you sweep the driveway
clear of pine needles

no one can save you
except yourself
and
you don't know what you're ******* doing
and probably never did

life is lacking
in these eyes
and i can't live without it

i want the birds
back in the sky
and curls back in my hair
and the wrinkles
erased
from my skin

take me back to a time when i was happy.

take me back to a time
when i actually cared about things.



i need an adventure
or
maybe
     a

vacation

something to keep me
from being numb

again
.

something to keep me breathing


*just a little longer.
just a little longer.

everyone that is good
                 ^was
is dying

or is already dead.