and here i am again
at the intersection
of pedestrian language
& old wives tales
swallowing gum
like 7 year memories
opening umbrellas inside
cause i can't seem get away
from all of this rain
i ******* with my left hand
cause i was told
back in highschool that
"it feels like someone else is doing it"
it gets me wondering
about the difference between
losing you and finding out
that some one else found you
or my sleep
or lack thereof
its starting to tear me apart
i keep having this dream
where you are in
an unfamiliar body of water
trying to wash my poetry
off of your hands
or the one where
something happens in my chest
every time you sit
on someone else's bed
i'm tired of feeling like something you've misplaced
but don't have the heart
to look for anymore
tired of you saying my name
like you're trying to bury it
i'm tired of wondering
if you can tell the difference
between the absence
of my voice & silence
the other day
i almost started sobbing
at work when a woman
asked me about
our equipment
i was explaining how
things come apart
and almost mentioned your name
it made me think
of how you used to say
things like "what would you do
if i showed up on your doorstep
one day?" now, i haunt
the windows in my house
i don't leave for weeks at a time
i sit on the porch like the dog
you didn't shoot behind the shed
the one that refuses to die
until you come home again
i told somebody once, that
you didn't even know
what my voicemail sounded like
i wonder if they thought
it was because you
are so important that i never
let it ring that many times
before picking up
or if you dont know
what it sounds like
because you've never called
you can't be the ****** weapon
and the search party
i'm tired of all the seats
to the ferris wheel in my chest
being empty
tired of your voice
being the one i look for
in abandoned places
that one sound i beg
to bounce back
down vacant hallways
i just seem to stand there
in all of that quiet
like someone looking for a mistake
on an eviction notice
so i guess the hardest part
isn't letting go
it's forgetting
you ever had a grip
in the first place
and since you've been gone
i wonder if when
you pushed yourself away from me
you used your left hand
so it felt like someone else did it

I won't make promises I can't keep.
I can't promise that I'll love you forever, or that I'll never hurt you
I can't promise to stay forever, or to always be good to you
I can't promise to tell you all my secrets, or to explain what I'm feeling all the time

But there are some things I can promise.
I promise to try my hardest to stay with you.
I promise to push through the doubt and fear, and tell you when I'm scared.
I promise that I love you, right here, right now.

I guess that'll have to do.

Poetry is like gusts of fresh air
Harbinger of the soul’s catharsis
Flowing emotions through the pen
Concealed pain written across the pages
Healing the pain which was long buried

I put on my mask so I can take
These scars from life off my face
I brake these bones they begin to heal
These open wounds begin to seal
But the damage I've done for much too long
Leaves me scarred and all alone
Loaded gun but 5 bullets shy
6 and 1 chance to die
Ill leave this world and utter mess
Six to one five to guess
The drowning spiral of a life misused
Born with a short fuse and a lit match
No chance at all no lock no key
To put on this latch
To keep my demons locked away
Jailbreak an easy escape
a lousy morning for a beautiful wake
I put on my mask so I can take
These scars from life off my face
Loaded gun but 1 bullet shy
Five times the chance to die
No more need to live a life a lie
I remove the mask scars revieled
One tear one eye
One to live five to die
(gunshot)

I watch you sleeping,
Impossibly long eyelashes, black as rooks
flutter against yesterday's sun blushed cheeks,
small digits twitching,
right thumb firmly in mouth
suckling salt soaked skin.

You are the sea my boy,
the earth, the moon and stars.

I sip at my coffee,
eyed by Spiderman
as the Joker grins
and the Riddler envies Dr Seuss.

This moment is perfection,
a little bit of calm
before the tornado hits
with the blue of your eyes.