you kicked gravel,
uprooted earth in my mouth.
growing on my tongue,
developing consciousness

yet i swallow my city,
stick out my tongue to the earth,
and taste your cruelty so strongly

my feelings are the splattered inks
bold, italics
threatening to spill
weighing on every meaning
words could carry
scrambled up, juggled
those who’ve yet to feel
shall not speak
and pray tell, words
do you realize what you amount to?
what’s behind was for a reason, a person
clear as day, solid reverie
what lies beneath shan’t remain between the lines
and if it reaches you, we’re alike

dear brain,

thank you for
giving us another day of life
it hurts when you hurt us
we didn’t do anything to you
face is beautiful the way she is
when hands hold the device
and you compare us to edited girls
you fixate on every imperfection until you convince us we’re inadequate but
when eyes look in the mirror
we convince you
we’re enough with mouth’s affirmations
we feel whole again after
dicing parts of limbs
saying you are deserving of all that is pure and good but there are but’s
tender is the skin that
still holds pencils to write poetry
and we want to eat
it feels rewarding when palms are allowed to wrap around utensils to sustain us
refreshing when stomach is full and glands produce happy hormones
please love us the way we love you


                                   from,
                                           body

i blow the dust off my culinary treat
and they tower over me and spit on what i’ve presented
ungrateful, spiteful, unhappy
i distribute my truth and it sits sour
in the stomachs of those i care for
i look at their faces in hopes to be understood
they find it revolting every time
despite me adding sweetener to my words
flipped onto me as though i’m the problem
i go back to my abode to sugar coat these words
i utter once again to be received more palatable by ears that need tickling

i wrap my childhood needs in soft pink satin cloth covered so they don’t
hurt again for a while in a gift box with a bow to be stored on the highest shelf in the closet of my mind
i hold the box

maybe this time it’s different

we layed it on
thick
on broken floors
on tears
on fights on wednesday mornings
on heavy silences from hearing she let him come back home
our foundation
attempts to hold the weight
of what this became
from when it started
born aged
our love was smoking cigarettes
we bought the apartment with the
crack down the ceiling
and the pots boiling go get it!

You left,
every day
passes 
without you
was
more like 
a hunter with axe
striking 
on my life tree...

**** nostalgia
and family and friends
**** the queen, the president, prime ministers
all the positions in between
all tied and loose ends
let it all begin again
history repeats
a story of no winning
it never meant
anything

i’m allowed to feel things too
said the turtle from his shell