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 Mar 2014 Autumn Stott
Ivy Rose
I missed the taste of you.
And the way your lips pressed to mine so lovingly and filled to the brim with affection.

I missed the way you watched my movements.
As if I was a rare animal in the wild, which both fascinated and inspired you.

I missed the way your hands felt.
And the way they curled into mine, fitting as if they were destined to be there.

I missed the way you made me laugh.
The most honest smiles I have ever made were in your presence.

And I knew we'd make it.

My perfect constellation.
My greatest adventure.

My love.

And even in the midst of those who say "NO" and "NEVER", we find ourselves surrounded by love and determination. A little home built for our hearts. And a triumph like no other.

(i. r)
Just ten minutes after I'd revved the engine
I was only nine miles away from the love of my life
Day dreaming of when we’d met just eight short months ago
Soaring at seventy down that country road
Only six more miles until she’d be in my arms again
Five years ago thoughts of love would have seemed so far out of sight
Yet four times I've already proposed, “too soon,” she’d always say
Amazing how in three seconds your entire life can change
With just two tires there’s little room for error
When one blew out I hit the asphalt, hard
In a wreck like that there’s zero chance I’d survive
One hour later the ambulance arrived at last
EMTs pressed two paddles against my chest
Shocks were delivered three times
At the hospital doctors performed four operations
Five months I spent in a coma
Followed by six months of physical therapy relearning to walk
In time all seventeen broken bones had set and healed
It cost me eight grand to buy a new bike
Now nine years later I’m still riding, fearless, wife on the back
The tenth time I asked, she finally said yes
The night terrors have gotten worse now
And it’s been so long since I last slept
The thought of rest is starting to sound surreal

Yet every time my lids grow heavy
This nightmare becomes reality
My greatest fear becomes my fate

In dream after dream I am forced
To see myself die, each night in a new way
Over and over I witness the end of my life

This does not scare me for I fear not the reaper
But another detail never changes
It is what I see as I draw in my final breath

This mirage of my mind stands at my side
Though she’s always just out of reach
Her eyes telling the tale of heart break

This nameless woman bears my child
For my greatest fear is not my death
It’s leaving behind the family that I never met
Let us meet in a wonderful world of colors
Together in this crime we go
Enjoy every pair of lips coated red
Petrified! We'll end up ******!

Enjoy the toxic fumes of love!
Crawling tonight to taste the kiss of stone
Go full throttle to the latex-covered fun
Go full throttle and kiss your ending sun!

Let us meet in a world of colors
Lets walk until the dark devour our orientation
That these temporary wounds will heal and dry
Pity this make believe generation!

All the colors I have for you will fade
leaving us the darkest shade of gray
Love the taste of smell of red
Love yourself unwhole and frayed.
Dear mother, father, brothers, and friends,
What is happiness, but a trend?
I never found it, but I did crave it.

I spent day and night crying over a lost love,
A lost chance, a forgotten friend, a speck of dust.
Everywhere I looked, I saw the beauty I couldn't find in me.
And it pained me so. It pained me quite so.

A wonderful world ruined by a broken soul
Is not such a wonderful world, is it?
I could not stand ruining other people's happiness,
When I knew I would never find it.

Once, a friend told me that just like love,
Happiness finds you.
But I guess the line was long enough already,
And all the operators were occupied.

I shall join all the forgotten souls,
All the dead ones somebody used to love or hate.
In happiness, in love, in bliss, in joy, in death.
Goodnight, and joy be with you all.
I am not committing suicide.
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