A certain darkness is needed to see the stars.

Silver blade makes me feel nice.
The only thing I trust.
As the blade slices through the ice.
The blade turns to rust.
Years and years.
Of practicing and falling.
Of sweat, blood and tears.
Sometimes all I want to do is play volley.
But I would rather skate.
Skating is my best friend.
I am never late.
I am in the rink until the day ends.
Skating.
Ice Skating.

My hunger for you grows.
As I sit and wait.
Waiting.
Waiting.
Still waiting.
Time ticks by.
Days.
Weeks.
Months.
Years.
Still no Jesus.
I sit and wait.
Soon the church waits.
We all wait.
Until the end.

You sit there looking at me like I am nothing.
You look at me in the eye, and want me to disappear.
Now you are a stranger.
We barely talk.
I got told that I would be fine.
That this is normal.
Is it?

He is a mother for the motherless.


I never really thought about that sentence before. I am motherless. Even though I have a mother, I am motherless.

I get called all these names.
I am not the normal girl.
I sit there all alone.
Another day.
Bending down to pick up my books.
I get bullied.
Another paper plane at my face.
Another cut.
Until the end.

When I see the stars, I think of You.
When I see a crown, You're all I see.
I love You, Mr. King of Kings.

The
      feeling
                  of  
          her
                   body
                                                underneath
                                mine.
                                                                                    Her
                                                                               kiss
                                                                         that
                                                               makes
                                                       me
                                                           m
                                                              e
                                                                 l
                                                                    t.
Her
                   eyes
                                   that
                                             I
                                      am
                                               d r a w n
                                                                          t  o  w  a  r  d  s.
B
   r
     o
       k
         e
           n
              n      e      s      s
                                                 that                 demands    
                                                        to be
       felt.

You call me out upon the waters.
The great unknown.
Where feet may fail.

He said he was okay. I did too. I lied.

There is a battle between you and I, let me win and you will be mine.

The feeling of your hand rub against my leg.
Not knowing where your hand has been,
I take it to interlock with mine.
My broken heart slowly shooting sparks.
The butterflies awake in my stomach.
My feet are lifted off the ground as my head is in the clouds.
Your hand slips out of mine,
and into another.
Now her feet are lifted.
Now her heart is shooting sparks.
I see the twinkle in her eyes as she looks at you.
My heart stopped shooting sparks.
My feet found the ground.
I hands are in my pockets.
Until you come back around...

Dear Mr. King of Kings,

I am listening to You, trying to get the answers I need. God You are my life, my future, my wife. Yeah, my wife. I know that I am sitting here typing You this letter, Your princess. I am still married to You Lord. I want You to know that I am in a battle with my mind, it is not kind, it is just on rewind. I am sick of my past G, I need a new history. I ask You to help me. Help me. I need Your help.

I love You Mr. King of Kings,
Love always Your Princess Darling

When I finally get to take a breath,
will I make it?
The darkness I see feels like death,
the sky is barely lit.
Is this the end?
Nope, just the beginning.
All the voices in my head,
I’m losing yet, they are winning.
I look up to find the light,
the brightness is fading away.
The darkness is covering my sight,
the voices want me to stay.
I’m trying to push through.
I am handcuffed down,
there is nothing I can do.

Darkness may block your sight,
look closer and you will find light

Dear Mr. King of Kings,

You are my Father, my mother, my God my life. I live for You everyday; I love You Christ. You are more than I can explain, way more than plain, Your trust is what I want to gain. I am living today because on the cross You felt pain. The price was paid. Good look at the day You've made.

Well Jesus let me be real with You for a moment. I walk everyday just to listen to a word that You'll spoken. Because of how You spent the day at the cross You walked and went to the rugged ol' bent cross You died for me. Now Jesus look at what You did for me. You D-I-E-D F-O-R M-E How could this be? The son of the King doing this for a wretch like me.

Now Lord I am asking for one thing please. Most people ask for a G double O D double E but not me. All I want is to be me, innocent and clean. The me who You say I am, G. Just look at John 3 16. I am hurt and need to be healed. I need to feel that comfort You have when we kneel, You God at the last meal. Jesus You are my Father, my mother, my God, my life; I will continue living for You God; I still love You Christ.

This is for You  Mr. King of Kings,
Love always Your Princess Darling.

You finally get to sit down
You sigh
“Another long day has passed”
You look around
Toys on the floor
Clothes everywhere
You slowly drift off into a deep sleep
The sound of your angels laughing fills your ears
Little voices whisper “Mommy”
You remember the day they were born
The first step
First word
Their footsteps patterning in the distance
The smell of breakfast wavers in the air
Both of your angels tap on your leg
“Happy mother’s day, mommy”
You open your eyes with a grin covering your face
“Thank you Jesus.”

Short long kisses pressed up against my cheek.

When I finally get to sit down and breath
I feel like I made it
Nope
It’s just the beginning
The little light that’s guiding my way
Is getting harder and harder to see
The blackness darkness is covering my view
I try to push my way through
Running towards the light
Like a child running towards her arms, he stops
Playing with every toy
Like me
On my towards the light
I get distracted
I trip over every stump
I get up with blood on my leg
I continue running
The faster and longer I run
I want to give up
Like a marathon
I run longer and longer
Trying to catch my breath
I pray for strength
I pray for it to be over
I can win this
I can do it
I ran more
I slowed down to walk
I felt sick
Weak
No
I can do this
I need to continue
I ran
I fell
Again
The stump
Now a rock
Blood on my arm
I got up and ran
Where am I going
The light is dim
I hear noises
Nobody is around
They are in my head
Demons
I ran faster
My strength is almost gone
The voices are flooding my mind
A demon jumps on me
Pulling him off
Running faster
His claws are in my back
Great, more blood
I feel more
Another rock
One demon
Two demons
I’m gone
I slowly look up
...Where’s the light?

Red stitching gliding on her fingers.
Bringing her arm back with force.
The bullet went flying through the air.
Steady.
Steady.
Metal hitting it.
The bullet went higher in the air.
Faster.
The bullet landed hard, yet softly in her hand.
**You're out

You are a masterpiece.

My question is, where is the light
I’m afraid darkness has won
I don’t remember when it begun
I started having a blurry sight
I wasn’t strong enough to fight
I wasn’t having fun
I wanted a bullet in this gun
The darkness started to bite
On my wrists, I have scars
I lost my breath
I felt like death
My soul is stuck in locked jars
There’s nothing I’m worth
Other than the darkness that came too far

What makes a person want to work for the state?
What makes a person want to take kids from their home?
What makes a person want to hurt someone else?
What makes a person want to pull someone away from the ones that they love?
What makes someone want to be like you?

I've been the one to shake with fear
And wonder if You're even here
I've been the one to doubt Your love
I've told myself You're not enough

I've been the one to try and say
I'll overcome by my own strength
I've been the one to fall apart
And to start to question who You are