I have a friend who still believes in heaven.
Not a stupid person, yet with all she knows, she literally talks to God.
She thinks someone listens in heaven.
On earth she's unusually competent.
Brave too, able to face unpleasantness.

We found a caterpillar dying in the dirt, greedy ants crawling over it.
I'm always moved by disaster, always eager to oppose vitality
But timid also, quick to shut my eyes.
Whereas my friend was able to watch, to let events play out
According to nature.  For my sake she intervened
Brushing a few ants off the torn thing, and set it down
Across the road.

My friend says I shut my eyes to God, that nothing else explains
My aversion to reality.  She says I'm like the child who
Buries her head in the pillow
So as not to see, the child who tells herself
That light causes sadness-
My friend is like the mother. Patient, urging me
To wake up an adult like herself, a courageous person-

In my dreams, my friend reproaches me.  We're walking
On the same road, except it's winter now;
She's telling me that when you love the world you hear celestial music:
Look up, she says. When I look up, nothing.
Only clouds, snow, a white business in the trees
Like brides leaping to a great height-
Then I'm afraid for her; I see her
Caught in a net deliberately cast over the earth-

In reality, we sit by the side of the road, watching the sun set;
From time to time, the silence pierced by a birdcall.
It's this moment we're trying to explain, the fact
That we're at ease with death, with solitude.
My friend draws a circle in the dirt; inside, the caterpillar doesn't move.
She's always trying to make something whole, something beautiful, an image
Capable of life apart from her.
We're very quiet. It's peaceful sitting here, not speaking, The composition
Fixed, the road turning suddenly dark, the air
Going cool, here and there the rocks shining and glittering-
It's this stillness we both love.
The love of form is a love of endings.

You really have to watch those liberal males,
they'll spend hours and hours with you having
deep intellectual conversations.

They'll discuss deep ideas, contemplate esoteric
theory and spiritual ideas. They'll make love
for hours and write deep and meaningful poetry
about you. Sure, they will probably wear their hair
long and most likely won't own a television.

But, they'll understand art and architecture and
literature. It's true that they probably won't give two
shakes about who won what football game, but they'll
dance with you late at night under the stars and they're
always looking for new ways to please you and usually
understand your deepest thoughts, often before you
understand them yourself.

They'll be your best friend and always treat you as
an equal, in fact, it will never even enter their mind
that you're not. They're almost always physically fit, too,
because they're usually the outdoorsy type and love to hike.
They never make fun of others, or discuss small ideas.
They enjoy discussing ways to improve the world and
the lives of others.

Sure, they won't slap you on your *** and tell you to get in
the kitchen and cook them some dinner and bring them a beer
while you're at it like those macho men on the right. Instead
they'll probably tell you to relax while they whip you up a
gourmet meal and serve it to you on the best dishes.

Yeah, you really gotta watch out for those liberal males.

Innocence is the days when
I thought that monsters
lived under the bed rather
than slept right beside me.

It was the times I feared
heights almost as much as
I now fear brooding stares.

Back when I thought
passionate love was the
only kind worth having
— that I now wish for a
lover who loves quietly.

Innocence was thinking
danger was an ill-advised
adventure, not a man.

It was admiring a tornado
heart and not realizing the
damage it would cause.

Don't tell me I'm perfect.
Don't kiss my finger tips
and slide a necklace over
my collar bones.
Don't tell me I'm the one.
Don't kiss me goodbye because
I kissed her with
lust in my eyes just an
hour ago.
Don't tell me that I deserve
so much more than you.
Because I might reply "ditto".

I've been caught in my mind for
so long, that this has become the only
place I understand things.
She feels like he did.
Always breathing this fog
that I could never wrap my
head around, so I mistook it for
a good fuzzy feeling in my gut.
But when I'm not around her
I want to cry for the
secret kisses we shared
that I know I meant. I know I
wanted to feel her lip piercing
between my teeth
and I know that her hands between
my thighs again was something
I craved. But it's not something
I can have. I have something
that is so much better than
"secrets" when really I should
call them ***** lies.
Maybe that's why my tongue has
swollen and I can feel
cavities rotting into my teeth.
I've been trying to keep her
name in my mouth for so long,
rigor mortis has set in
and the decomposition has begun.

With this black mold inside my lungs
I knew it wouldn't be long before
you noticed the wheeze that went along
with me moaning your name.

Now don't tell me I'm perfect
because I can feel your anger
pound in your veins
harder than your dad ever hit you.
I know that when you kiss me
you don't fully push your
body against mine
and your stomach shrinks away
from my hands
because they were on her chest
earlier that week.
And you know it now.
You know now that you
aren't the only person
to have taken pleasure from
my double tongue piercing.
She felt the venom sink
in as I bit her neck and she
shivered, getting high off me
and I got drunk on her,
and we could not be healthy.

But there's nothing I could
say to reassure you
because you have seen the way
I stare at stars,
and she's an entirely different
planet to me.