I promise I’m trying my best not to back out

and I promise and I promise and I know that you’re okay with me being unsure  

but it feels like I’m just a lost cause waiting for the inevitable day when you see

that this is it

this is all you’re getting from me

it feels like a lie though from day one you knew what you were getting into

and I tell you all the time that I can’t even figure myself out

and you offer to help me solve the puzzle but I don’t understand why you’re so willing

when I give you no guarantees

I guess you must love me

not weighing up the pros and cons like I do

you love unconditionally

like you're supposed to

and I can't help feeling like I'm not holding up my end of the deal

and even though I do all I can

I don’t think I'll ever feel the way that you do  

is that enough for you?

I’m sorry I can’t
feel that way
about you

I wish that you didn’t
feel that way
about me

Your love like coltsfoot
is fraying at its edges
with golden intent.

No matter what we’re called

we will be just the same

and yet I’m always asking -

just what is in a name?


Don’t want to call you boyfriend

(though we never got that far)

we’d act the same no matter what

no matter who we are

I could make you breakfast
I could hold your hand
If that might be enough
To make you understand

That although I may not show it
In ways that others do
Believe me when I say
That my love is just as true.

We run from the downpour
to the safety of the car
a warm glow of paper cups
steam rising from their mouths
now silenced by water

I say,
“I hope he likes his hot chocolate
with a shot of rain"

You respond with a laugh;
Small and fleeting
and sincere.

A rococo armchair
a balcony with a view
pale in comparison
to you.

Red speckles dance upon
The skin around your eyes
An unwilling cry for help
Revealing the tears you shed
The night before.

Feel myself falling back
Into familiar territory

Don't want to name any names but
I've met this beast before

We aren't friends but I know him well
And he knows me better.

I tell you I’ve been feeling
Like my legs might give in
And my heart might give out
And when you write it off
With little concern
I am glad of it.