My heart is telling me to stay
My mind is telling me to go
My body can't decide which way to go

It's been two long years and a lot of love
My highschool lover, oh how we have come so far
We made a beautiful baby, and we own a beautiful home
We worked through it all, even when you did me so wrong

Everything is perfect, yet I feel as far from happy as I could be
Always questioning myself, wondering if I should leave
I never want to touch you, I know I'm treating you wrong
And for that i' m sorry

Today I smoked my first cigarette
Then a pack, turned too two
I've always been against it
I've reached a low
What's wrong with me? I cannot breath!

I don't want too hurt you
If I stay I may be unhappy, but if I go I may regret it
What about our daughter, she shouldn't be stuck with my problems
I wish I could just forget it

I couldn't bare too hurt you, but i'm hurting myself more
In my mind I'm fighting a terrifying war

Deep down I know my heart belongs elsewhere  
But I can't stand too let go
Too throw our perfect life away
But whats a perfect life
A perfect home
A "perfect" family
When i'm unhappy

Should I stay.. or should I go

Pat pitter pat
They call you the kitty cat
Pur pur pur
I pet your glorious soft fur
Meow moww meow
I dont know what I would do with out my best pal around  
GUR GROWL GUR
My wonderfully evil little snuggler
Wait what was that
Oh yes
My favorite kitty cat

I love you and I hate you
No matter what I do I can't earase you
I'm so in love with you
What is goodbye when we could just say hi
So heart broken
This is a first
I never caught feelings
But you made me feel Invincible
Incredible
Wonderful
Strong
Beautiful
I felt powerful
And with you by my side I could have conquered the world
Unstead
Here I am sitting alone watching the trees sway
Crying
Listening to songs that capture my emotions
Wondering what
What is goodbye
When we could say hi

Hello lonely madness
We meet once again
It's too soon, although I did expect to see you
Im just not ready

Hello lonely madness
The numbness is abiding, it never goes away
And when I think it does, we meet again some day
My mind is overtaken
My thoughts are overtook, my heart aches, yet I can't feel a single bit of hurt

Hello lonely madness,
Do you ever go away
They have another name for you
Depression is what they say
You take all the emotion
Not just the love but the pain
And leave me with nothing
Just empty and unframed

Hello lonely madness
Can't you go away
you've taken all my passion, there is not much else left to take
Do you want to see me lifeless
Or locked up in a cell
Maybe you shall get your way
Or maybe, just maybe i'll live another day

Rain rain go away
i'm tired of all the grey
its cold its dark
and i feel so far away
im in a place where the sun doesnt shine
And the breeze doesnt blow
and the warmth doesnt flow
I try to escape but I feel its too late
what else is there to say
everyday I get farther
and my mind foggier
and my heart emptier
and i think to myself that it could all change
maybe eventually one day
thats all
I said all I have to say

I'm sitting in this hotel room,
And I'm staring at the walls
I think to myself
Where did I go so wrong?  
I hear my heart pounding
As my thoughts race
I can feel the rain
As each drop of water runs down my face
Can I just press rewind
And do life the right way this time

She deserves so much better
Keep it up
You might as well forget her

It's raining and it's pouring
I'm so sad I can't even write a poem
And I love writing

Who damaged me so bad
That I’m willing to be gifted a kitten by my ******. Who did this too me.
I kept my humanity but you took my selflessness ~
I’m a beautiful strong flower with petals that glow and dance and sing even in the rain. I consume and become the drops and help the sky fall steadily.
The earth needs healing and I love completing
I’m sad for you, who damaged me bad but I’m proud to say I’m grown so much and I love the pain because each time I don’t come out the same
Trees get bigger each year, there leaves get pretty, through all the storms, and all the bugs nibbling ..
the tree gets bigger and strong and more beautiful inside and out.
And as the universe is all
We literally are that

confusion and delusion
my life has been consumed by tragedy
I used to see colors
and now I live in black and grey
why is it exhausting to eat
to breath and to think
I see no clarity
'Cause when I think logically
Life truly doesn't make sense
We all try to find reasons
A purpose
but
in the end does it really matter

Waking up everyday at a decent time possibly on little to no sleep
Rushing to eat something that’s good for your body and easy on the wallet

Attempting to make it to school or work on time
Trying to smile and keep a social composure the entire day
Deciding to skip lunch because you want that extra money
Taking those extra hours of overtime when your coworker doesn’t come to work knowing you have to get by somehow

Coming home to eat alone
Microwaving the left overs in the fridge because you’re too tired too cook something on the stove
Watching Netflix until your eyes burn yet you can’t seem to fall asleep

And everyday you wonder
Is this what we are supposed to be
Lifeless obeying mindless zombies
Where did we come from
Why
Why are we here
Everyday thinking to yourself if only you could find a way to change the world
It’s that endless cycle
That everyday motion
And the constant wonder and confusion
Wondering whom you’re supposed to truly be in this word

Goodnight universe

Do you ever find yourself in a slump
You can’t sing
You can’t write
You can’t see
Hell you can barely even think

Somewhere inside of me
I know it’s simply what it is
A phase
A very long pause

I tell myself no matter
what I feel
How I feel
Deep down
I’ll find myself again
I will