"Time"

Call in time
Free your mind
Feel your life
All Start To Combine
In this blender
We Call Time.

**************

"Tides"

­Influence possibilities
Enforce change
Please say you did it in vain
Tides rise and fall
Things fade
Give me that chance again?

**************

"Can't"
­
Call in sick today
See the doctor right away
Seem to understand the drag, the system's lack
Wear colors, just black.

...Only
To find you're on your back.

closet confession
broken strings, woven into habit
im the one in curly cues
running like a mad rabbit

"im late, im late, for a very important date!"
said i
as i [too] wondered if alice was cast aside
while this life was given another stride
to change, to become
to have another one.
open your eyes.

feasting on a cool breeze
ocean blues, tropical means
its coarse, yet unrefined
walking on the atlantic coastline.

almost there
constantly out of reach
will i ever see you
can you ever see me?
i am almost always last
the one held back,
told to stay behind.

so if i stay here just long enough
and let the time pass by
will i get the chance
to be first
not the last?

so many things about me
but yet its a constant tug
to know that perhaps its all a matter of luck?
or am i stuck?

So many things have changed
since I last walked
the world's soft and lush
green grasses of plenty,

caressing my feet as I walk overhead--
looking to the astonished yet radiant sky
filled with traces of clouds and breezes.
Swept over with fruit-bearing flowers,
including the spring daisies
and bright yellow dandelions
which create and weave themselves
into crowns and gowns
that flow through the meadows [...];

These meadows that fill themselves
with the slight twist of faith
that fall in such delight,
a kite wondering among the birds would call
to them in such a delightful tone
the birds gather on my shoulders,
and the flowers rise from the earth in miracles.
They grant wishes and miracles
like melodies of piano keys
as they fumble upon the rocks of strings
stretched for miles [...] and miles,
away.

the morning is never the same,
wake up--look at the clock,
Now looking left
How the luck ive gotten myself into
a long wished and winded,
hope evaporating with the fog..
I THOUGHT i knew.
heart was beaten black to blue,
Given life because of you.
Heart beat, yet faint.
a desire to have the wish refrain...
The dream Begins again.

To the right, that clock.
The annoying sounds of Daybreak,
A choice to make.

Do I return?
Back into the realm of Dreams?
Where everything goes planned, imagined, and according to me?
Do I move on?
Stake my claim for the day?
Sit and make way for things...

Looking around now....
Have I given up?
Have I become complacent, compliant, or cordial?
What way should I be?
The way I wake... I declare

A familiar touch of the time
Memory of shine..
Through glass... watching the dust
It's a moment to feel...
As I wake.

inhale, breathe,
let it go....
strike a match,
let it flow...
give it air, space,
give it something sweet to taste...

feeling the air, humidity,
sticky moments here with me...

shadows looming, pouring like rain
effort put forth [again and again]
inhale-- breathe... let it go...
my feelings, my therapy,
ALL in what i see.

rise, fall-- shadows looming
flowing in awe, giving the air that sweet taste--
of the sweet serum on my face...
eyes open wide, full of suprise....

so strike a match, let it flow,
give it air, have a taste,
oh-- i can imagine the look on your face.

speaking of memories--
happy, sad, a few inbetween
its always interesting-- what they do to me.

shadows calling, continuing--
cliffhanger, devour me!

humid, hot, sticky--
fresh, clever--
enveloped in my senses
caught in delight..
just--

watching...

He had me in a position,
One I was unable to refuse...
A twitch to the left;  A pulse on the right--
He's got me.
Locked in... with those eyes.
Those moments...
Unable to be spoken
The air quiets. The silence climbs through my skin and from with I....
Let him see the other side
The point and moment where one side cannot do anything but beg.
To be let loose. Set free,
Suddenly.
To let it rise right in and take me,
Shake me to my core...
Leaving me wanting.
Yearning. Needing.
Pleading and begging...

There is no care left unaccounted for --
There has been a bit of memory ...?
Left on the floor.
Yet motionless is an understatement...
When that man makes me beg for the other side to take ahold of me
To run free.
Emotional enlistment
This...
...THIS.... is all I need
To feel that sting
That twitch... the pulse.
All of this one moment.
One breath--

A whisper of a shadow on the left
The hums of the air going right around me
These...
Shivers I beg. I plead--
Don't know how this man...
Understands.
Me. This need. This desire he set free!
To be needing and begging.
(Deep from within)
All of the flooding  the emotional waves that--
Crash amongst all the sands, jettys, and the dunes...
All in the dreams.
These moments aren't mere memories.
I'm begging
Pleading
Let me in.
I want that desire
That one hidden within

That animal you decide to show
Those hands the know every inch...
Of skin I possess.
The best little moment to let....
It all begin-- yet stop just as sudden.
On edge I wait for release...
Begging for us to be free.

but im sold.
heart to the best bidder
taken, beating, and believing
kicking, screaming...
going insane
change
have to change
imagine change.

time to open up shop
sunrise again arrives way too soon!
change
have to change
intergrate chagne

its an opening
an interview
times are to change
i have to change
[jingle, jangle,] i hear change.

i see it, i feel it
i know it, i taste it
the time,
the change.

Off--
in a day dream
my mind in the clouds...
like my coffee, with cream.
my thoughts are jagged,
twisted and upturned...
stirred, until... well blended,
and THEN-- served
Hot And Molten
Liquid and Golden.

the sway in the beat,
the smooth approach,
i cannot help myself
i have to move.

the beat is infectious,
the thought provoked,
i want to see, the look.
the astonishment
and feel my heart skip.

set on replay,
one track,
one sound, a smooth groove,
coursing through my veins
bouncing to the beat.

freeze,
switch,
body waves,
the dancer in me
the beat needs to release.

accented, tipped, served,
i find a slight tap,
a steady beat
the stressed relief,
arts in nature,
the beat cannot press me.

just watching the shadows and the light play
tricks in my eyes,
the clever meaning and this--
only thing i realize that the next morning afterglow--
is no joke.

to grab my hand
then say "i love you"
a kiss and trails of stimuli.
take me away...

December, May and then June...
We've fallen out of tune.
A stroll down memory lane.
Lost in solitude
Once... [more].

Shadows play in the cold...
Expression-less figures dance [together]
in the Spring rain ...
walking on the seaside

Wonderful moments to embrace
A dust clouded you and I
...where were we?

followed the Autumn leaves
Smells of cinnamon, apple, and fresh wood
[but] I only remember
December, May, and June...
We've fallen out tune
[where we'd say 'I Love you?']

September alone
awaiting rain of May,
shadows of December,
walking in June.
could I have forgotten [happiness?]

without knowing, We would meet here.
life begins in the spring of May
continuing in June
Inside December's warmth...

Wrapped up in memory
easing from fear, my hope.
that an end never draws near
always holding for Love...

Walking in December,
Cold in May,
Raining flooded June...
we've fallen out of memory
and a tune
like broken pottery, scattered,
harvested in June
sculpted in December,
awaiting May...

yes i remember you
i have seen you in the distance
and stayed away
my memory serves me right
ive moved on
and have a better guy

listen lil girl,
do you not see what **** he put me through?
the loss-- the damage, and i am the familiar
and yet he thinks that hes right
when he's done it all wrong.

so i said so long *******
and i am happier than the past
and perhaps the happiest ive been in my life
imagine,
he cant tap that.
try to top what i feel
be real.

so when was the last time you heard yourself?
going on and on how you think you are better...?
when i know people that do things for purpose,
and you lack tact.

so say it twice,
and im gonna be nice
because i dont give a flying ****
and you know you are out of luck.

the one whom im still positive,
hes atleast more understanding
than the rest of the clan
but he knows i dont give a ****.
the ******* is gone.

so in the depression and regret
i went for a skate,
went on a few dates,
but told myself hes a little old
and the next guy i go to better be gold.

so if i must confess,
the happiness is something to think about
when i have enough to finish my alter egos,
and start this poetic confessional.

so if i am the familiar?
why am i being fought against?
oh yea thats right...
i fight for my life.

back to the heels and jeans,
and a swivel in limbo,
dip down and there i go!

but the moments in where i shiver
often most--- in absolute delight
and knowing that inside
i fight for more than a reason to stay alive.

people have tried to harm me,
mentally, physically, emotionally, and mortally.
i still stand, i still fight
i can live longer
than the liars
because the proof is easy to gather
and put together.
but what is the familiar?
its there...

its a beat and harmony
burning my skin from within
as my pulse rises
the mood is set
oh wait
are we there yet?

i get scared of my demons
that battles and scars
within the fire in my skin

it isnt rage in my bones
it isnt hate in my eyes
all about what i do with it
can you see?

i wanna set you free
my flames need to fanned
stop your ****
face me, please!

my pulse races
it shoots in my veins
you're vain, in the horrible way
im afraid--
that the flames for you are exiled.

heavenly
tipsy, drinking in
sights, delights, a few odd sides
im intoxified.
swinging around poles, singing gleefully
because of the tall waters,
divine despair
is it too humid in here?
or can i not breathe in this murky air?

headrush,
spinning, sirens whirl above me...
at thirty five thousand feet
to ascend, devour
the happiness, anxiety for a few short--
hours?

click, flash,
paparazzi, lights--
"welcome to miami"
art deco, delight...
on the beaches, slightly still
drunk in nightlife.

laughter, singing
whats the language?
what the hell are they saying?
i hear hapiness, sanity...
at feet, equal to the sea[s]

so watch me,
im merely *******
in english, please... tell me
what is spanish for
"What the ****?"

to run a mess of things
lies, ties, and unspeakable rings,
you cannot convince me
if you were a gypsy

spun so fine,
claiming things, unknown klepto,
funny, thought i would never know?
unlike you, though... i did let go.

in dance
a rebounded, but failed, fanned romance,
a verbal tribute
to bounce around my notebook.

take a long look
see the crystal,
can you see it at all?
but even if i fall, i still remain

ive heard the rumors of fire and fire
ive once experienced that ****** up desire.
but i fight bold, whilst you fight cold
your little "friends" line-- was rehearsed and old.

so if you are a gypsy
can you too take a journey
leave the past,
and never come back?

cause the only person honestly
qualified
was the one whom couldnt
lie.

but to see the eventual Fail.
and watch you come crawling
tended an open wound
and got the ball all rolling.

if you were a gypsy
you would have known me
long before, you opened this door
and forever remembered as a ....

funny, its predictable
to know how i am prepared
with this and much more
but now i know i am capable.

so, if you were a gypsy
you would have flown free
once the parasite could be breached
he could have happy...?

but unlike a gypsy
you dont have the grace
but its all too easy
when his resin is all over your face.

bring forth life to these hands
call them
make them create
make them go
provide the sense of touch
and select taste
even with every scar
a blessed memory
give them life
make them see
a pulse, a soul within
happiness
spring
re-juvenation of them.

why should i hold fast...
when there is nothing to hold on to?

the windows are eyes inside,
for now i have closed the curtians
i am now to hide.

when they are open again
will i be the same
and repeat the same to friends?

so as i close my eyes
its a temporary goodbye
but will others realize
that i am going through a trying times
in my life?

... ah,
the calm before the storm
unkept, im torn...
a beacon of light guides
ive followed in fright
have i changed my mind?
or havent i time by time?

I lay here watching
Which layers are spinning...
And what direction?
My mind dissects the clouds
Like a fog being burned by sunlight...
During the late morning.

This pattern above me
Rather pleasing... yet confusing...
I'm on the right,
I find it yielding left...

There's designs I can't name
Animals I can make...
Yet they all run away as I move
And the clouds spin trails...
Watching them evolve
Like a lifelong time lapse.

The drawn up moisture....
The streams of steam condensed...
Swirled and forged into cotton-like pillows of uncertainty.
The colors are the Indicators of moods
The light and mysterious
White and normal
Green and envious of the oncoming destruction
Black and gray depicting ends of sunshine filled days...

The life underneath grows, quivers, and in series of decays...
Some offer condensed clouds as flavored swirls in mugs...
But I rather watch the ones that love
Carrying wind and rain...
Have swirls of their own and a Name.

Though subject of objections
The will of nature has a forge...
To churn this stream of water around
Like spun sugars of cotton candy.
Much like a carnival, life is a surprise
An unyielding wild ride.

Directions are unclear
If i will be here
I have watched the life of
The swirl in this giant mug
Smack the coastlines with giant hugs...
Some rough love...

Though oddity
Have you seen what clouds can do
When spun around oak trees?

it started with a kiss
a shiver up my spine,
then that look
its classic, straight out of the textbook
Mine.

graced into innocence
bloomed into life
thank you, thank you
so coat it... be direct
I know... What is next

there was a heated moment
that fire, that skin felt
touched in ways
that can only be dreamt
a rise, plateau, and slow decesend
over and over
like waves of the ocean
arisen within me.

sleepless nights
the day often replaying in my mind
time after time

beautiful days,
spent walking in nature
sun shining, details aside--
come along, its going to be a wild ride.

turning out the lights,
smooth and true...
from innocence to now
what am i to make of this?

experience,
being there, a few times before.
the warmth along my bones
the shivers in my spine.
capture me.

at 3 am i am here
rather than asleep
reflecting my heart
mind, body, and soul---
into the unknown.

long ago
before you left
i knew things would change
its all about timing
i have been there,
many years
by your side
through all these years

i walk down memory lane
over and over
again and again
trying to make sense of this phrase

i am not angry
i am not sad
all i can feel
are thoughts running into neverland

its classic, textbook
little girl holding her head high
being pushed away
by time and space
only seeing in the mirror
a reflection of terror

i walk down memory lane
over and over
again and again
trying to make sense of this phrase

i am not waiting anymore
i am not saddened
i am only floored
by the deafening silence

but ive been there
i have been there , before.
its a slight shock and slight relief
to have you hit home

as the sun sets
the memories i started with draw to a close
like shutting the door to the refrigerator
the light goes off.

i am not angry
i am not saddened
i am only floored
to know that in the end we are all still here
still alive
for one more trip.

ive been there.

i let you have him
frisk him in front of me
i gave up my inhibitions
set myself free
so shall i tell the truth?
or help spin the web of lies?
you and him began to create,
while i loved myself
and LIVED my life.

rather pathetic
a pitiful cry of help
only thing i do to try

and you make him leave for someone else?
how much more **** can i throw
so that this blood rage
goes away
because now do i wonder
"how could you?"

and know this
im being good.
i havent called
whilst you have
yes recieved, and deleted
that WAS the life i had....
i will keep the memories.
the moments shared
but these last two years
a waste
because now
i am free
i can sing
having friends who care
whom honour you tried to tarnish
if they didnt like it
they would have said it to my face!

but i will make you see
through poet-tree
little words
little time
im living my life
start living yours
my verbal assault
ill spin the web of truth
and catch you inside
devour you with grace and
clever disquise.
set your **** ablaze
and have your days...
numbered.
wondering.
non-conforming.
*****, please
im free
one mans trash
another treasure
but rotting like compost
ive recycled
what i lost
what i gained
knowing that i wont take the name
a cheerful wish
i am over this
your silly refrain
"We're just Friends"
i'll say it again
with the truth spun in

"We Were Never Really Friends"

thanks for setting me free
i must thank you
but -- you're
dust in a swift breeze.

parallels.
two lines on a plain, ordinary sheet,
never going to meet.

angles.
two lines, set to a point.
met and split.

perpindicular,
oddity of sort.
not a parallel,
4 different angles,
often at 90 degrees...

life is a game of math...
two people who had never known one another cross,
at an intersection point, to go any direction,
finding a cooridnate,
a set time,
to have a date?
all alike, all acute
off in left field, and out of the scatter plot range
obtuse...

but if it fits just right,
and if "x" did mark a spot,
a right angle, a perfect fit.

but on paper,
seemingly easy.
but life-- 3 dimensional
ah, the love of geometry.

cube.
all right angles,
perfectly square.
sphere....
roll and rumble,
3.14 and other methods to find...
the value of pi.

so, a sphere on a cone...
i have been shown a sine
to give the little kids ice cream
and have the math,
which so basic, can be indirect--
the combat, wondering if the angles and the times are set,
im here, real-- forget the imaginary.

trapped inside this cage
sitting, waiting for a new day
letters written, scratched into the floor,
only way out, through the bolted door.

light beams in the cage
through the sheet,
the opening,
allowing only mine eyes to see
the new beginning of what it should be.

Someone told me to reach
sometimes I can't see
where in the world is your heart?
Why in the world must we depart?

I just can't see why...
you have to ignore me all your life,
does true love have to walk about you twice?

These questions I ask
might they go among you,
encompass your heart
tear apart the hate.

What in the world do I have to do...
just to get the message through you?

im awake
no sleep
a list so long
no time to foil
as the world turns
burning midnight oil

migraines and ...
the major issue of eye strain
but when i am home
i cant get a moment

alone

unless i lose or delay
the end of the current
and start of my next

now i understand
why my own mother
and her hands
ache and throb

for creativity
sanity
awaiting for the dam to break
and an idiot to choke.

but to master stupidity
tact, humor, and a balancing act...
one slip or fall
a test
for my undivided attention
but i know the direction and

...cost objections.

watching in amazement
dumbfounded and oooh,
the wonder of a cold chill shivers..
upon my spine
down every bone
changing my tone
from wonder
confused
to highly amused

the gears turn so slight
just past twilight
the growl, houls..
of my midnight swoon.

watching with the intent
seemingly full of ideas...
just whisper what you like
you'll see the kitten come out tonight.

little purrs
light loving scratches
watching the toes curl
eyes roll back and close
all of your triggers
to suddenly...
STOP.

end of line,
the thought of you on my mind
as a pair,
the air heats and cools
and the moisture condenses
thrown off
feeling sky high
or a few miles in flight
realizing that hearing the birds
outside..
we're up all night
playing online.

i am up too late w/o reason
a date in mind, i'll find the season...
to jump and sit back, relax.
as the waves of the day relapse,
the winds behind the drive,
to see a smile in innocence,
to repeat later in a over done line
of repetition, recognition, rephrase,
words recycled, garbled, rambled,
all in miscommunication
crying to help, choking down a shot of hope
but this is a end of a rope
severely torn and frayed
at the beginning or at the end
i cannot remember if a day or night
there is always more than enough light.

like the desert missed the rain,
fallen hearts and utter dismay,
saved for those moments i wish for now,
cant imagine life without--
gonna walk home and look today
for something thats on display
cant imagine life that day

the understanding of moving away
absent from living and broken hearts
parts of me and a brand new art
cant you see what it does to me?
starving for a moment just to be
only wishing for that day
until then i am that desert that missed the rain.

can you see what it does to me?
starving me of affection for loving another soul like mine
one that completes the circle of night
just to bring life around today
life that lives in the desert of ways
starving inside,
afraid to cry
something deep begins to die

like the calling of a baby's cry
never asked your reason why
you made the
choice to say goodbye...

like the desert that missed the rain
said it'll come back
with the intention of never again
open to love and see the trees
once bearing on the plain...
slowly starved and sentenced death
grasping for its dying breath,
cant imagine life today
as a desert that missed the rain.

like the desert that missed the rain,
will i ever be the same??

I can't help but smile
You were worth waiting for
And opening the door that day
I couldn't want another man more.

Eyes open tonight
A quick "Fast-Forward"
Another day's reward
I couldn't want another man more.

I could play shadow games
Maybe, sleep today
But why chase sunsets--
When I'm with the best?

It's a magical feeling
Leaving my heart-- Reeling
Wondering not if-- but is this really it?
Or are miracles and dreams Legit?

There are no means of measurement
In my heart, I'm fully content...
I can gripe, whine, and *****
But its nothing, when it is all complacent.

I can't help but smile
Every moment is worth while
Even when I come through the front door
I couldn't want Any other man
Love another soul..
More **.

can you sway
be like liquid and move
smooth as silk?

can you make the beat bounce
like a moment in time
as if it were the last?

can the groove
be a reason to move
to break flow, to two-step into time,
swing in a fly, go classic and have the eyes
of others, desire?

can you shimmy your way into a moment
shine like a star
and show who you are?

can you be bare foot or in socks?
in shoes and perhaps be like the lot..
learning the steps and reverting them into a game
and make the music a cause for obsession, or is it now called...

DDR?

a bitter sweet melody
harmless as it seems,
nothing can compare
but when you say you miss me
it makes the stress of the day
melt away

like candles that burn
it takes a single flame
a single moment
to turn it all into something
spectular, marvelous,
into a spectale of whimsy
but its only between the you and me
where all of this seems like mystery

to travel
back in time,
see what i see at the present and
so, improve the future?
so that it wouldnt take...
a story of minutes
rather a story of a lifetime
to know now
how often can i state im fine?

how ironic
how iconic
can this be?
and classic, to me...
a textbook definition
of a smile
that like life
brings more happiness
and forever re-creates memories...

how do i thank?
down in my heart
nobody can be blamed
not a series of coinsciences
but Fate,
hast brought me here
showing me
something i cannot help but say

Interesting
Loving, simply
Over whelming in thought
Very unpredictable
Energy always gets me
Yet, you return
Over and over again
Understanding.

i tried to speak
from studdered speech
my thoughts, my mind are clear,
but you dont see
where i came up with it dear.
so i cut my hair
to ease my pain
but it looks like i will suffer again

There are days where you and I
Can't quite seem eye to eye

There are days where I would wish
That there was something better than this

Now you see, I hope
Awhile, I have been afloat
Do You see what this does to me?
Nights pass by where I wait for simple things,
Though the words never come out right

You say the only thing you have left us to die,
I have seen proof Otherwise....

There are days where you and I
Can't quite seem eye to eye

Take a moment and wonder why
You have often seen tears in my eyes.

A little thing,
a simple gift,
Flowing seamlessly in a lift,
Giving life to its cool, concerned touch
Raising a calm,
excited, but rapid bunch
Through the bushes and into the flood,
Flowing in to the hearts of the ones
Over each shade and tint--becoming one value.
Weightless like air it flies,
Sprinkling the ground with joy,
As it brings out the younger girls and boys,
To play as if it were the very last day,
Of the first summer vacation,
And not a rainy day.

Beneath me I can see
Floating mid-air am I not
Here is something in that
you have not?

in this box we live
a universe of pandora,
an unpredictable list
to slam a hope
and to **** a dream
give me a moment
i need to scream

how many nails
do i have to have
to build this house
only with sand?
can the pressure of time
break the glass
or etch like a sketch
with a diamond in hand?

a willowed moment
an arched place and a dip in length
flexible and durable
not always its strength?

silence has done nothing
then why condemn it with a screech
can you help me
clean the air with an inaudible bleach?

can the moments in which we crave
those delightful memories ignite
those flames inside give away
the feelings i have repressed today?

here is where it all inplodes,
unfolds,
creating and taking shape
to amuse,
to entertain...
on a flat plane,
a blueprint of sorts,
like a vacation that's overplanned
the moment is overthrown
with a missed element
and a simple grain of sand.

A billowed breeze
Bending imaginations in ways
With water soothing jagged edges
Its only time that can have a clue
Of what this wound will do
Heal—forgive and forget?
Or live a life of regret?

so can the air carry the messages
you send with smoke?
can i have those memories...
that make you choke?
how can i send the emotions
in a static connection
and make sure
im over you, around and under
when the communication
has been a blunder?

where is hope?
when the light dims?
how can one be so happy
without the end?
with friends and family
within reason and sanity
how can the emotional tug of war
be won when life really hasnt begun?

to say one inch
has been a mile
to say the feet have walked
when the ground before and after is

undisturbed
is it perplexed when i say the statement
is absurd?

so tell me what and if
can you do something with this?
how often can the laugh and plain jane
can make the mundane
seem oh so insane?

I've hit "F5"
waited in line
for this wave to crash and burn ---
Just to get a drink.

feel dry, but not yet parched
i see waves in the heat;
need a moment;
need to breathe.

its too dry...
my mouth begs for a cool splash,
the engine overheats,
I'm stuck wondering
[is it 120 degrees?]

a suburban village
a hum and stream of cashflow...
leaking through unsettled buildings
and cracked doors....
only my feet have begun to feel a sensation of cool
as shade from the trees...
bakes away

i need the rain to make the area
bearable, wonderful
and breathable.
maybe the summer should hit "F5"
and let it rain so maybe
a sense of refreshment
can take over and soothe the panic
of those who cant access the "WWW"
to work,play,
and feel as if the summer from hell
has made its stay short,
so we may 'Fall'
and the screens we look through Re-Fresh.

tethered to this foreign being
that quakes, shakes, and rumbles
-- uncontrolled--
is it living?
is it being... something or someone?
who is to really know?

bound down and forced to walk
forced to open up and talk
when silence has never condemned me
of befuddled reasoning, unsuspecting..
of those whom are meant to be?

rattled, my cages.
pressed against me, and now ages.
do i restrict? dare i defile?
how come i gave you more...
and walking alone in this aisle?
yes, dare me.
mind-**** my senses, rusty in your own delight?
can i tell you, can i make you devour...
your sticky resin and my fright?

see what you want me to,
who cares, right?
opened me up, shut me down,
scaring me, taking the night?

is this to your own accord?
to linger, the stench retracting and retracing
routes to memories.
like scouts in the forest, going on instinct.

so in a resticted, list-driven place; its a life, a ****** up rat race
holding me back-- showing me only what i lack,
no praise, marginal raise,
a hum-drum rountine, of ringing and singing...
retorts, personal escorts, and plans to demand
in sugar-coated lines and scripts... written by mindless man
performing over and over again
[...] turning over and over like a songs refrain;

to what will remain?
when this tethered bond releases?
and its only my name...
that keeps the mind from going insane?

I was dark and gray,
I was night and slept all day.
I was violent, borderline insane
Funny thing, love...
But do you remember me?
Do you remember my name?

I am day
Sometimes, I sleep at night,
I somehow always forget to turn off the light.
Some say there is always another.
I beg to differ,
Do you care to debate?

I remember looking on your hands,
Seeing the more tempting Aspects--
I saw your past, Our Future.

The greatest test, this.
See if I go overboard, make a change.
So far its all wonderful.
Except one thing, I cannot forget you.

Midnight, three sheets in the wind,
Bellowing in the breeze, As if I were free...
I cannot dream, only able to muffle my screams...
Torture, on my mind,
As I lost not only once,
I cannot fathom Twice?

Have you seen your reflection?
Remember? your Promise?
Return the favor,
Our love, I will Always savor.

I see you everywhere,
The melodies of what I need to do,
What I should have done...
To cry tears is weakness, And--
My subtle strength.

Now I manage to smile,
After the test drive,
I am ready for the rest of my life...
Do you remember me?

i missed a call at 7
it was him, the one i thought i could have--
but he left me-- why i ask,
and to dead air--my reply.
to me, he is like every other guy.
like the ones i have met or been with for awhile,
sometimes i miss your call to tell you,
that its a reversal, how do you like it?
now, do i have to become--
the girl you hate,
or be the one with friends...
care to elate?

yes i admit--
that i missed talking to you,
but at 4 am, i knew something about you.
you were untrue, and cruel,
using me as your fuel,
but boy if you had been listening...
you would have known that i now hate you.
so as re-payment,
and i mean now that you're here.
lets take a walk, and let me talk--
i will be crystal clear.
i 'll let you see the damage,
the pain from tears,
i'll let you drown in your sorrow,
and awaken your worst fear.
i'll bring her back,
and there will never be a Next Year.

frankly-- i dont give a **** about you,
and how much you hurt her,
because i bet she would do the same,
if i just Mentioned your name.

and to let you know,
i will never call back,
because your heart is that endless abyss...
only colored Black.

the length, in months,  he stays,
the act of age he portrays
you've hurt so many lovers,
and yet you take one other.

the same age i felt with you
the age before i was legally able
to be stable, or atleast the thought of my own--
place, time, and space.

i've watched, without you knowing
and i've known that she had it coming...
you get deathly sick,
move out,
and act like your gone,
to see if she can really have one, two,
...wait...
only one chance,
because at 17 , you lost the first factor
and now she is 25 and knows better
moved on and written you a letter

stating what i told you long ago
that maybe at 17 you should have stayed alone.

funny a simple prime number
can have such significance
where as my story with seventeen
was a magazine
an age where i first heard about graduated licensing
when i decided that maybe i wasnt ready to date
because at 28, i realize now that 17 for you is a mistake
where mine is memories i made.

this number was the bus i rode
to and from school at even the same age,
i felt i turned a page
as the poetry i wrote and read; the pictures i took
that now line books
lined, blank, and randomly
decorate pages
handwriting was really interesting then--
but beautiful now
to see that one thing has come true
...i found love...
with a man, That i met Before you
and found me once you left
seeing regression
to the age i felt...

the highway in my home town that also leads--
to my home beach...
and all the way to a place of fancy in Savannah
and a commercialized vacation destination,
in the opposite direction
but knowing my memory is still alive, thriving...

keeps the idea of this prime number
alive atleast,
and for the weak, subtract ten
try to grow up doing the math
that i was back then, before all the computers and cheat sheets.
when standardized testing placed me in the highest bracket
i would have graduated atleast a year faster.

also, my memories deal more happiness
knowing that they last with this...
a little rhyme and time
and now that i am in the prime,
im past that length of time in months
with the man i love
and have **** near doubled the capacity--
have bought a little man a simple legacy
that his mommy and daddy
have a say in the matter
but when he's 17, he'll under stand the latter.

Missing, Are We?
... This, unsettled territory.
Stepping lightly, and left simply
Dripping in delight,
A chimera of ever-changing minds,
a silence, an image,
the moment of impression.

light gently drapes in shadows
clothing can cover
but the moment can become
a song unsung.

watching the shadows
tracing the steam imprinted image
curves all in the appropriate locations
simply now an invitation
to join, to embrace,
this dance she creates...

not teasing only pleasing..
but she is forever stuck
good luck...

she can be the unseen,
the notions in your mind...
causing the dreams inside
to become some of the divine.

so tracing the rings,
the finer things,
a moment in time....
a song kept inside,
somehow now alive?

is she kept inside,
awaiting for the perfect arrival?
or is it something
to die for?

it only seems legit,
if you knew the half of it--
there were lies, deceit, and foreshadowed moments...
a familiar face, similar sounding name,
the light bulb is blown.
i have no idea what the hell is here,
but it is sure as hell...
a small small, world.

ive made sure to burn the **** ties,
cut and change the game,
the ******* thing that makes me different
makes you all seem the same.

i am an individual,
an entity,
a one-ness, of my own awesomeness...
but i know when fun is fun.
and then the work must be done.

Focus.
its seemingly funny and a what the **** in the same motion
the notion that Something is Off
and bulb is known to be blown, blackening the room,
the glass shatters and the fumes turn--
the shadows into the nightmares of the past...
a small world indeed!

run away, scared of me?
i grew up, moved on and some how closer
while we all look the opposing way
the walls keeping us apart will always be there.
those walls keep you far away,
the times that bother, disgust, an plainly outage...
you keep playing them against me and making--
me the stranger?

danger danger, will he ever understand?
this boy that everyone thinks of never sees reality.
he lives in fog, in an illusion.
if he thinks its awesome...
just wait for his conclusion.
the story he tells is only lies.
i have have recorded, documented and realized...
a small, small, world,
where it seems that me-- is the one whom knows the horrors of OCD.

i saw the little bird flutter
dance from dropper to dropper
and the image fades in the clouds of smoke.

Nay, the lines show on my worked hands,
the trouble in life,
where i stand...
this line i drew in the sand is nothing like the life in lines
read in palmistry
or the scars emotionally
those that developed, enveloped and disappeared
as a decade passed into another year.

my reflection in the mirror changed,
the migraines are no longer the inspiration that drives me.
on auto pilot, driven by fire, flames were fanned and told to flourish.

now there will be a change in the line up
because ****-up-to-****-up there is no other way
i could say how much more in less than the 8 hours a day--
of work, of solitude, once i which came of use to?

well life, if you are a mirror,
then *******! i was told i was done too...

with the ashes settled, i'm at home.
he is still a little wobbly, a little toddly, and oh the  "NO!"
into the cabinets i find, a flicker of life,
desire,
****-- i am sold.
i found out what in the world...
i am here for.

Sixty, ***-ti.... i cannot form a single thought,
a heartfelt thought and ones of revenge
as the heater went out, and it being colder than the fridge--
i saw that little bird, fluttering,
Still

life seemed to start again,
with a push of a button
go
with all the carnival rides
flavors, and gimmicks.
i cant quit.

It's Cold and Deserted
Like a ghost-town,
In the middle of Nowhere
Barren, Dry, [...] seeking the life of Rain
Easily Ignited,
By the slightest Flicker of Fire,
Ones of life, passion, and certainly-- Desire...
Shivering to Death inside,
What secrets does it Hide?

Hungry for affection,
In a desolate arena,
Lost... in a sea of Faces,
Seeking the moment,
to Quench her Thirst,
Wondering, Who first?

On the prowl,
Like a Lioness,
Simple in nature
Convincing the others,
in the matter of dress
Desiring only the affection of an embrace
Seeking the chance,
To Have the prey she Stalks in Stealth
Have her, Face to Face.

It's a Warm,
Welcome Change
in the Barren, Dry, Abandoned Cold
to have the Urge to Curve Hunger
and Quench the thirst...
With just a Singular look.

Enraptured with thought
From the slightest sense...
one wonders why
She Strayed from This?

Cold and Barren
Very understanding
Now a Martyr in her Own Equation
in mathematics AND her love life
causing her to be Reprimanded
And Shunned From Sight.

Instead of trying to find the words,
OR Making her opinion heard,
Here she sits,
amongst her peers,
Against the wall--
Waiting-- for one step,
One Dance--
A True Romance?

to fall, enumerate the senses
will she ever get it?
or will she wait--
in glances?
or short sentences?

stricken down, unwillingly
given a moment, Just Breathe
struggling, to keep up time
wondering if--
she's on his mind...

is it only admiration?
of the male incorporation--
to only denote, then abandon-- with fury
and see the lights of the big city?

having come unglued
un-stitched, ripped at the seams,
still-starving...

often choosing between hunger and thirst
thirst often wins
only through the sweet touch
a moment of shared bliss
dreamt on-- gentle, kiss. [getting listless]
competition, she recognized
"i'm awfully behind"
without play, and force fed
flown south, back to bed

to ignite the dry, barren, abandoned arena
to have it all for the Assumption
that it all may be for the next
prey sought, never forgotten

work on self
glow,flow, and blow a fuse
life still desolate
possible, emotionally-- called abuse?

"why the lies?"
secretly, she began to despise
the person, the predator, the fear,
now revamped,
Her personal rage, to Rattle His Cage,
show his Immaturity,
oh to be so humane
his loss, his soul to blame,
all her gain, to remain Sane.

she was left barren
when all three blessings were--
revoked, token--unapproved
wrapped in a disregarded blood market
filled with pain
never should this lioness feel
the loss of something real
or ever again.

often lost in translation
stuck watching the station
now a change in the weather?
or just the same?

to be cold,
the felt desertion, abandonment
now becoming the predator
and opening the line of communication
realizing, that the isolation
is the best medication.

still--
like open wings, unfluttered
delicate, simple, elegant
similar to security, unfaithful
motionless....
what would you think?
if the world at this time froze
like the rose petals that curl and turn black
fall towards a never-ended hole of despair
cold, dark, light,
feverish shades of reddened flair
to hear one's own houls,
never once.

called out
useless,
Still.

I Am A Survivor--
Survivng a Broken heart--
A Broken soul,
But he doesn't know me very well,
So his false thoughts of Me--
Can go straight to HELL.

I Am A Survivor--
Of a true sense of Love,
To Feel flight And fancy,
The flicker of flames,
He will always remain the same--
I Will Forever Change.
I may have Bits and Pieces,
Time is healing these wounds,
For I feel like Learning--
Learning about Forgiving--
To only Be the Survivor,
Of loving to long a day with you.

I Am A Survivor--
Even though time for "US" is through.

along the lines of my notebooks,
drawings, scribbles and notes contained...
along the common divide
of my journalistic side

my heart cries when you arent here
the drive almost an hour long
for a day
a smile arisen on my face...

these eyes are usually brown
and they reflect the ocean blues of you
when i leave the town
i am on a one way ticket home
alone

take a drive
look into life
there is a reason to understand
"that all we have is time"

the phone is my only lifeline
to the world beyond
And i am outside searching for a signal.