April

April Dec 2014

I should have never believed you
when you said 'everything was going to be okay'

I'm watching them bury you six feet deep
and all I can think about
is how we can meet again

I know if you were here
you'd hold my arm down
and whisper in my ear
'don't shed a tear, you'll survive'

but you're not here
and no ones left to pin me down
it's me and my brain
and everything is a sign
telling me-
'you're better off dead'

no doubt about this one- definitely dark and not something, someone normal would write on there bday... anyways comments, feedback :)

April Nov 2014

Stand on Me

I’m on the floor clutching my chest
You stood on me for years
Every second, imprinting my soul

The blackness is creeping on the edges of my sight
Green grass and the sparkling sun lies miles away

And more and more
I can taste the blood on my tongue
bitter and strong

You were here
And I can’t forget- rid you of my memory
I need to breathe
Why did you think you could stand on me?

feedback welcome x

April Nov 2014

I'm the Girl

I'm the four year old girl
who pointed to the funeral home and said, "that's where my dad lives"

I'm the five year old girl who stopped speaking all together
who rather have them figure her out than let them know, her world is cracked

I'm the ten year old girl
whose seen every kind of doctor, yet still not okay

I'm the sixteen year old girl
who has made progress, her world is coming together, but somewhere along the way she lost the most important piece

I'm the girl who wants to sleep, fall into the total darkness

but I'm the girl who won't give up
and somewhere out there
is the boy who will be happy I used my stubborn ways

*someday

feedback always wanted :)

#life #up #give #wont

April Nov 2014

I Can

I can wrap my arms around your middle
pull you tight
feel your heart beat

I can scissor my hands through your hair
savor the strawberry scent each strand gives off
feel you close to me

I can carry you anywhere
hold you like a glass vase
feel just how fragile you really are

I can
But I won't

You told me how he once held you so close
your airways were blocked
and the tears leaking down your cheeks were a plea
you said his touch was fire
and every now and then your hands burn in his memory

He didn't listen

and now I'm here
and I can listen
and I will hear every sound your chapped lips make

most importantly I will wait,
until I can be the man
you deserve

I liked how this turned out, but this meaning was not the original thought for this poem :)

#love #sad #abuse

April Nov 2014

Hope Gone

staring cold eyes
cut my skin in two
a shrill siren blares
there touching
mapping my skin
my eyes surrender to the black

fake exuberant smiles
prepare to tantalize me- shackles and all
my lungs are quitting
there sweet laced tone seems to get louder and louder
my hands are erratic

my fake smile is long gone
there patience has been buried

I'm a part of the bland walls
and the midnight silence
h o p e l e s s

a weird one- trying this new thing where i use more powerful words to get across emotion ha

April Nov 2014

Fading

I'm lying on my bed in the pitch dark
snuggled underneath the covers
my eyes are leaking tears
and I'm too bothered to wipe them away

Sitting up I find
I'm fading
the ground is so far away
and I don't have enough energy to reach

my hands
nor my legs
work
the way they used to

and my mind is skipping
thoughts and memories split in half
the minutes and the hours around me
don't seem to last

I'm less and less than I was
and no ones
bothered to take a look

Tonight I'll be gone
before you get a chance

not really liking this one.. prob will edit in future

April Nov 2014

Lack of Understanding

she is perched on his bed above the covers
he can feel her weight on his tired limbs
she doesn't understand
he can't keep his eyes open long enough to truly see
she smiles for the flash
he treasures his last few hours

her thumb traces his silhouette
doesn't remember this time
no voice
or mannerism to match him
all she has is this Polaroid candid

and years later
she still doesn't understand
why he had to leave

you can perceive this in any way.. but i wrote it about my dad who passed away from
cancer when i was 4 years old. (might edit later)

#death #cancer #young