as I laid down, late at night
as the tears started
to flow right from my eyes
I remembered what it was like
when you would be by my side
I remembered what it was like
when you would wipe my tears away
and you'd say,
" baby, don't you cry,
    beautiful girls
       aren't allowed  to cry."
but I never listened
because I'm. not. beautiful.
so you weren't talking to me,
obviously.
and you were the reason why
I was crying anyway..
you don't know what it's like
to have your heart broken
into a million pieces
over and over again
until eventually
you feel like a corpse
in the world.
you feel like you don't
belong anywhere anymore.
you don't know what it's like
to feel as though
you've finally met the one
who'll stay by your side forever.
you don't know what it's like to think
that this person
who has entered your life
will bring the final puzzle piece
and put you back together.
but it'll take a while until you realize
that that person,
had a counterfeit.
the piece didn't fit perfectly
it was only an illusion
to fool you and it worked.
but you don't know
how that feels, do you?
well, I do
because that's all you've done to me.
I thought you were the one.
I thought I wouldn't have to
search for another guy.
but it seems as if
there might be no chance
of love for me.
or maybe I'm just too impatient
but how much longer
should I wait?
I've been waiting for what feels like
forever and I'm sick -
I'm sick and tired of waiting now.
I might as well give up
because I don't think
I'll ever truly get over you.
congratulations,
you've left your mark on me.
thank you,
for scarring me,
for life.

[June 2, 2014]

there are reasons
why we do the things we do.
there’s a reason
why you ignore me
when I try my hardest.
there’s a reason why
you chose to love someone else,
even when I love you so much.
there’s a reason why I play
your favorite song over and over
until I remember all the lyrics.

there’s a reason why I love you,
but you don’t love me.
there’s a reason why she plays you,
but I don’t.
there’s a reason why I may not
be the one for you.

there’s a reason for everything,
but we just don’t know it.

just like how –

there’s a reason for you in my life,
but I don’t see it until I lose you.

sometimes things are meant to happen,
and you wonder why,
but that’s just the reason.
if you want to die, don’t go hurting yourself,
just wait because eventually you will
and when you do, you would have done
something or made an impact on someone.

(and that would be your reason to live)

which is why you should stay
for that reason. // dec 29 2013

The first thing he said was,
"Sorry, I'm not usually the type to cry,
but I loved her, I still do, I always will, forever."

No one knew what to say or even what to do,
persons came and hugged him,
but it didn't make him feel any better,
their hugs weren't going to bring her back.

"She's the love of my life, absolutely no one
will ever be able to compare to her,
but now she's gone and I'm alone again.
She always knew what to say, or what to do,
but she's not here now, so what do I do?
Everyone offers me their condolences and
I appreciate that, but it doesn't help, it really doesn't.
All it does is remind me that she's gone,
that she's never returning, that my baby is gone."

They all knew that talking to him now wouldn't help,
so they just sat there and watched him cry.
They just sat there,
wishing they could bring her back,
but knowing that they can't.

"I don't mean to be such a crybaby,
but when you lose the love of your life,
it's the worst day ever."

He walked away.

No one ever heard from him again.

He disappeared into thin air.

He didn't want to live a life without her.

So he lived a life dedicated to her. //

it's a pity that we
ended so suddenly
& what we had wasn't how you desired for us to be
but I hope sooner or later you'll see
that neither is she.

are all friendships like this?
does one person suddenly get tired and not make an effort anymore?
does every friendship get strung out after a few years, and lose its bliss
when do we decide, to walk out the door?

why do our mouths become desert dry?
& when kind of friendship is built upon lies?

when did our laughs become fake smiles?
& our hellos, turn to goodbyes?

where did we lose our way?
& why can't we find friends that stay?
or why can't we be a friend that stays,
no matter what comes our way?

what if we can't resurrect what we had, my friend?
what if this is the end?