When I stand beside you two,
It takes everything inside of me
To smile and tell you I am well.
But when I see you walk away,
I wonder how I ever thought
That this would not hurt like hell.

I know you never loved me.
Or if you did,
It was only ever for a moment.
Which then demands the question,
Was that even love??
Love is not short and fleeting.
Love is lasting and intentional.
You never loved me, I know.
But sometimes it is nice,
To rearrange those memories
And pretend that one of those smiles,
Meant something.

I hope every cigarette you place between your lips knows how lucky it is to be there,
I hope every bottle you grab a hold of falls in love with the warmth of your finger tips; I know I did.

What hurts me most
Is not knowing
Your heart has no desire for me.
What hurts me most
Is not the knowledge
That I will never have you.
What hurts me most
Is knowing
That the one who has you
Will never truly love you
Just for who you are.
Oh I know she will love your beautiful parts.
She will laugh at your jokes,
She will live for your body,
She will smile at your crazy, carefree antics.
But she will never love your ugly parts.
The parts you hide away from her.
The parts of you I know.
What hurts me most
Is knowing
That she will grow irritated
By your bizarre, obsessive habits.
What hurts me most
Is the knowledge
That she will learn to hate
Your shaking, angry lip.
What hurts me most
Is knowing
That there will be nights
When you fall asleep
With the person beside you
Never telling you
That she loves
Every dark part,
Every lovely part,
Every strange part,
Every joyous part,
Every monstrous part,
Every part of you that makes up you.
Every part of you
That I love
(And I love,
And I love,
And I love)
Behind my silence
And pleasant facade.

It's not about what you say
How you say it,
How much you say.
It's about being next to you
When it happens.
The peace of knowing that you and I,
We breathe the same air,
For a moment.
Only a moment.
But this moment in time,
Is ever more beautiful
Because of it.

It wasn't until they pretended to love me
That I felt the most alone.