~Christi Michaels~January 2015~

Always too Much
Followed by too Little
Flawed in my ability
To understand
how to balance the two

Always too Much
Followed by too Little
Left with not knowing what to do.

Since the day of my birth
Till the day of today
My own nemesis
Every step of the way

As if the wrong download
was set into place
Incongruent with my gentle beauty
My comfortable face
Always too Much
Followed by too Little

I am flawed in my ability
Born without the understanding
Of how to balance the two
Always too Much
Followed by too Little
Left with not knowing what to do


Copyright © 2014 Christi Michaels.
All Rights Reserved.

When I was little my aunt told me a story about this little girl who was just  like me. Heart so pure, smile so bright . In the end she would always call me her little time bomb.
see am a contradicting ticking time bomb , I could make my enter surrounding change with my next move . with that known I did me, not caring about who's around or who will get hurt as long as am happy my timer will never stop.I  had no emotion  towards anything or anyone for I knew if I stop my time will run out and everything  around me will have to bear that pain ,so I made it my responsibility to reduce that pain reduce the amount that surrounds me so when that day comes when I explode and no longer breathe it's OK, for I will be remembered  and not only for what I  had but for what I gave and the way I did.
My biggest fear is oblivion  but am inevitable! I must end and to know there was a time before me and there will be a time after me scares the crap out of me cause people will not exists and no one will be left to remember me .
That day , that cold winter day you passed me and smile barely even noticing me but my timer went 0-100 and I could not ketch my breathe and as you come out of sight it stop . I realized that day you where my time keeper .
Then came spring when we shared our first hello and for the first time my bomb stop ticking and I had feelings , my emotions ring, my heart beat normal for a change at first I loved it , but then I started to break for I started to lose you  and even dough I knew, my heart would not let me forgot you, you stored away my timer some where I could not even see .
Am a bomb without a timer am child without a soul, am a tree without leaves , am and ocean without water .
am a child and your my womb am asking to please let me go let me explode and cease to exist , I will no longer be a pain in your *** no longer be that guilt in your heart I will no longer hold you back please just set me off my timer is in your hand , any minute now am ready to go.
I no longer live with the fear of oblivion  for the timer who keeps me and the lover who lost me , the boy friend who never knew me, and the friend that saw right through me , will be the ones who will remember me for now I cease to exist