we are all either survivors
or truly living
too scared to go

the rest found it too painful
to stick around
and felt no fear in giving up

and leaving

right under her nose
but she didn't know
it didn't want to impose
kept to the pattern and flow

no longer spiralling
but stuck
like gum on your shoe
like some bad luck

if you squint your eyes
and hold your breath
you will detect an end
but nothing like a death

memories are merely in our mind
sometimes you get triggered
and you are now blind
feeling disfigured

unlearning old habits is a fight
such a familiar face
the old you, a comfortable place
a room with no daylight

but the wheels keep turning
and the world keeps spinning
she is still learning
somehow it's just the beginning

I have ten minutes to write this poem
I spare myself ten minutes
Every morning before I leave
Ten minutes to try and just breathe

Ten minutes act like they’re in a race
The one hundred metre sprint
They’re winning, it’s clear to me
They want to escape my life, as fast as they can be

With five minutes to go I look around for inspiration
The cold cup of tea on the table
Winks at me for validation
I remember and drink it til it’s empty

Four minutes to go
Til I become the cup of tea
Desperately urging to evaporate
Silently waiting til one of them drinks me

Lucky me I have two minutes to spare
I’ll finish this poem
I’ll grab my keys, put on my shoes
Arrive at my destination and pretend to care

who put the brakes on
who paused the healing process
paused it to make a quick cuppa
cuppa was never made

shoved in the back of my mind
it’s all piling in
crammed in every crevice
out of my eyes, it spills

that’s an improvement i guess
although i just see it as a loss
control spilling out
whatever is left, i don’t want

how long til my only desire changes
to become tiny and hide away
it’s getting old now
but it’s the only thought that stays

if you find comfort in your bed
then by all means, lay in it

but keep an eye on the thoughts in your head
try not to dwell, try not to form a habit

it just may break you

my light on every gloomy day
balanced in your own unique way

eyes locking
unlocking the peace
peace from your presence
emerging beneath the sheets

if i was fire
you would be water

you probably don’t know
but when my body is encompassed with fear and pain
you turn the pain to snow
and evaporate it with the rain

when you’re around
everything becomes so easy and fun
so i’ll wrap up warm with your glowing aura
my sweet, caring little bun