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947 · Mar 2020
shut the F up!
amy Mar 2020
shut your mouth
breathe quietly
are you capable of sitting silently?

i have watched you
in my hour of boredom
you have become my problem

peace has stormed out of the room
because of your inability to be quiet
do you really have to yawn that loudly?
is it really necessary to bulldoze me with your breath?

irritation simmering
yet i find it bewildering
that the annoyance you cause me
stems from your simple act
of being free
718 · Dec 2019
amy Dec 2019


655 · Apr 2021
Oh it’s coming
amy Apr 2021
waiting for the storm to hit
feels like burning yourself
you don’t notice the pain
until there’s contact

you just have to wait it out
and trust the process
401 · Feb 2020
amy Feb 2020
what enchants me the most
is how you make me feel at home
even if home isn't in sight

what astounds me more
is how you make me feel safe
even if danger is lurking round the corner


what mesmerises me just a little bit more
is how when you are by my side
everything is complete
and we
are magnetised
302 · Dec 2019
amy Dec 2019
I got my drivers license
So I can drive myself crazy
So you don’t have to
297 · Feb 2021
written in pain
amy Feb 2021
its one way glass
my eyes are one way glass
the window to my soul

i can see out
but you can’t see in

overflowing and flooding the room
following the glimpse of strength
overcome by the shadow of gloom

trying to understand
is like trying to build a sandcastle
with no sand

dipping in and out of sleep
screaming to be free
until the screams are weakened within me
279 · Feb 2021
lucky if you see her
amy Feb 2021
it’s just not fair
feed her your leftover energy
then fuel her with your lifeless stare

and now we behold
this constructed spirit
purposely provided to fit your mould

a hollow container, she’s not alone
but she is conditioned so deeply
to lock up the unknown

who is she?
for now she is a deer

only very few can see
that she is combatting her fear
269 · Dec 2019
amy Dec 2019
your cuts heal quickly
but they are so frequent
on and off
on and off
like a persistent, infuriating tap

you’re out to hurt, it’s your guilty pleasure
you’re the predator, I’m your prey
my silence is your measure
my silence makes you stay

you possess the key, the ability to ****
I need, no,
I will take it back
and then when I bleed…

I bleed clarity

not pain
amy Feb 2021
silently living a life
feeling the dull heart ache
you stick in the sharp knife

your eyes have rolled back
replaced by a cloud of fog
and my hurt sits in your backlog

you don’t notice each word
you never realise
you make me feel unheard
lifeless soul healing through my cries

i’ll be gone
but you won’t see
because I was never number one
not important, just a nobody
255 · Oct 2020
just the beginning
amy Oct 2020
right under her nose
but she didn't know
it didn't want to impose
kept to the pattern and flow

no longer spiralling
but stuck
like gum on your shoe
like some bad luck

if you squint your eyes
and hold your breath
you will detect an end
but nothing like a death

memories are merely in our mind
sometimes you get triggered
and you are now blind
feeling disfigured

unlearning old habits is a fight
such a familiar face
the old you, a comfortable place
a room with no daylight

but the wheels keep turning
and the world keeps spinning
she is still learning
somehow it's just the beginning
255 · Jul 2021
Guilt trip
amy Jul 2021
look at what you’ve done
an angel in the eyes of the source
the ones who battered you, crushed you
manipulated your mind, twisted your sanity

take the leap, dear one
don’t look back at what they’ve done
rip the sugar-coated invitation to hell
take your time, no time to dwell

believe what your soul is telling you
not everyone is a liar
listen to within
and elevate higher
230 · Dec 2019
current affairs
amy Dec 2019
it just wasn’t meant to be
keep on saying that to me
you’re right, we both know
I’ll try harder to go with the flow

you’re so chilled, life is a breeze
would you cope if your mind was diseased?
death is upon us my dear friend
soon we’ll be rotting, let’s not pretend

oh, but what if you’re already rotting?
well then maybe we are the same
i too, am dead inside
my corpse tiptoes around in shame

validation is all we seek
then you’ll wonder how life became so bleak
calm down, soon you will decease
unless you give that trapped emotion some release
206 · Dec 2020
amy Dec 2020
space for thoughts
lingering at the door
waiting to be caught
sharpening the claw

dismembered a soul
with a dream
they’ll take their toll
and muffle the screams

bring me new things
on a plate of love
i’ll feel the sting
but it won’t be enough
198 · Nov 2020
amy Nov 2020
can we live
at the bottom of the toothpaste tube
the part where no one can get you
and no one bothers to use you
191 · Dec 2020
childhood trauma
amy Dec 2020
inside of us
are tiny little buckets
filling up
and watches you grow up

then the slightest thing
makes it spill over
and every crevice of your being
is encompassed by pain

fleeing through the tear ducts
you are temporarily healed
179 · Sep 2020
ten minutes
amy Sep 2020
I have ten minutes to write this poem
I spare myself ten minutes
Every morning before I leave
Ten minutes to try and just breathe

Ten minutes act like they’re in a race
The one hundred metre sprint
They’re winning, it’s clear to me
They want to escape my life, as fast as they can be

With five minutes to go I look around for inspiration
The cold cup of tea on the table
Winks at me for validation
I remember and drink it til it’s empty

Four minutes to go
Til I become the cup of tea
Desperately urging to evaporate
Silently waiting til one of them drinks me

Lucky me I have two minutes to spare
I’ll finish this poem
I’ll grab my keys, put on my shoes
Arrive at my destination and pretend to care
amy Oct 2020
we are all either survivors
or truly living
too scared to go

the rest found it too painful
to stick around
and felt no fear in giving up

and leaving
amy Aug 2020
who put the brakes on
who paused the healing process
paused it to make a quick cuppa
cuppa was never made

shoved in the back of my mind
it’s all piling in
crammed in every crevice
out of my eyes, it spills

that’s an improvement i guess
although i just see it as a loss
control spilling out
whatever is left, i don’t want

how long til my only desire changes
to become tiny and hide away
it’s getting old now
but it’s the only thought that stays
163 · Dec 2019
amy Dec 2019
spark up
the flame
in my guts
161 · Dec 2019
catch the crazy
amy Dec 2019
escaping the stifled claws of society
she gulps the tangled energy
vibrantly gleaming
but not quite beaming
she rewinds back
back to a crisp January morning
when the walls didn’t scream
and life was a dream
159 · Dec 2019
amy Dec 2019
balancing the feelings
feelings which sit in my bones
crack your knuckles on my ribs
gutting me when I feel most alone

chapped lips
chapped lips pursed on the blank expression
tingling & lingering
watching the fire ignite in seconds

brush past me, accidentally creeping into my life
lifeless body triggered
what is it about you?
cheeky grin but no sin
reassuring eyes, secrets but no lies

symbolic human interaction
demons becoming a distraction
distraction leading to dissatisfaction
time to make my final transaction

tender, sweet & warm
bearing the sunshine after the storm

I’ll be your Christmas gift
wrap me up, but don’t suffocate
leave the mouth, I’ll communicate
remember to deliver that first and last kiss
158 · Nov 2020
amy Nov 2020
i want to roll you up
like a cigarette
and inhale you into my lungs
so you can live there

and when i smoke you
i can still smell you
on my clothes
and in my hair
157 · Dec 2019
amy Dec 2019
eating less and less
so we waste away
eaten less and less
i can see more bone today

why, you ask?

so you notice me
so you fall for the thin goddess
so i am a strong contender in the fight for your love

isn't it funny
waste away
become nearly invisible
only in an attempt to be noticeable
156 · Dec 2019
fire away
amy Dec 2019
biting the bottom lip

she's been caught
152 · Apr 2021
chapter 1: finished
amy Apr 2021
she’s torn apart
been ripped to shreds
then carefully placed back together
distant and alone in her head

but we all have something
lets not be afraid
to challenge them
to accept every memory made

she’ll check in with herself
dare to reach out
a problem shared is one halved
emotionally she is no longer starved

don’t deny yourself the journey
to accept, understand and heal

she carefully took the steps
held the hand of support
not knowing what is next

but seeks growth in everything she feels
soaking in independence
and uses love to heal
143 · May 2020
Damaged goods
amy May 2020
Exhaustion seeps out of my sockets
Backed into a corner
Pinned to the wall by pain
Sorrow clouds the room as it starts to rain

Take me to the roof top
Stay here just for comfort
Delay the desertion  
If you need me
I’ll be sleeping

Cross the road
Hand in hand
Fingernails digging in
Suffering locked to my skin

I’ll be the messenger
Tell every single part of me
Your agenda today is
To bury yourself and bleed
139 · Dec 2019
amy Dec 2019
welcome to this issue
issues from a loony
escaping this earthly gravity
gravity pulling her down
she pushes forward and screams

******* & sing it yourself

she might just have the key
straddling the comedy
values the whispers
she has one of those faces, y’know?
to be different
to be unique
cherishing every harmonious beat
139 · Dec 2019
it’s swell in hell
amy Dec 2019
defeat pricking the dimpled surface
listening intently
manipulating, orchestrating & feeding the fears
butchering all sensations of opportunity
she curls up and loses identity
she kisses goodbye to serenity
137 · Dec 2019
message from beyond
amy Dec 2019
you’ve done well, i could say
on track, hitting targets, completing goals
well done for your progress today
i can see you’ve scraped enough energy to climb out of that gloomy hole

seems like a front
like some kind of stunt
fake it til your make it
that’s what they all say
but it actually works, just for today

plod along young one
make yourself proud
announce your self-forgiveness,
shout it so loud

remember to plaster on a grin
even if its false
because if you do
the relief will eventually kick-in

so well done
young one
135 · Dec 2019
amy Dec 2019
I’ve purchased a secret
Purchased and now possess
Lingering on your lips
Longing to leap onto mine

Softly break the silence
With a stupid little melody
Ignoring the pain around us
The distress, unease & austerity

Force open the wound
Allow the anguish to seep out
Leaking onto your new shoes
Staining them with suffering

Visit the vanquish
Tie the lace around their neck
Oh, just let them rot
Shortly after, I’ll go cash my cheque
135 · Dec 2019
Vacancy in Me
amy Dec 2019
mind is vacant
bones are aching
the warm shivers, the dull tingling
it takes over me, it becomes me

mind spilling over
question after question
who knew the huge difference between loss & lost
loss is my soul, lost is my name

feeling numb but feeling so much
head in the clouds
body in the crowd
you can see me but you can’t touch

that doesn’t stop you though, does it?
sick of the same ****
you repeat yourself all the time
pain repeats itself all the time

head ready to explode
heart ready to implode
all this is going on, but,
I am vacant.
my first ever poem!
134 · Dec 2019
amy Dec 2019
feed me through a tube
tube linked to my mind
feed me til my head is full
full enough to make me blind

dish up those greasy lies
the cold goodbyes
force-feed me some facts
facts delivered alongside another story

wait until all i feel is guilt
and when it starts to disintegrate
send me a little text
reminding me to slump back into that state

you’re not doing anything
you should be doing everything
i’m appalled, disappointed, you’ve caused so much gloom

oh, actually
now i love you,
give me attention
now get out of your room

i’ll twist your mind
tamper with your thoughts
then i’ll play the victim
so i’ll never get caught

why are you so down my dear?
did someone hurt you?
or cause you fear?

yes, someone is ******* with my emotions
you want to know who?
well i don’t mean to cause you guilt…
but, it was you.
amy Dec 2019
she retreats and sits
ties her hair delicately
inhales harmony
exhales gratitude

with the pen to the paper
she hesitates for a while
so much she could say
almost too many thoughts to compile

longing to write about such significance
expecting it to flow so easily
and hoping to reflect on something so magnificent

she rests her head in her hands
ticking over in tranquility
comforted by the unaccustomed feeling of stability
it’s just the beginning, she said

she puts down the pen,
rips out the page,
she yells ‘carpé diem’
and begins to seize the day
132 · Dec 2019
amy Dec 2019
it's all a mystery
next steps new goals
the past is history

can we savour the way the bed feels like one big embrace
can we relish the sensation of air in our lungs
can we try adore the imperfections without disgrace

today is here
yesterday is dead
tomorrow is yet to come

never mind whats on the agenda
ignore the impending fear of death
attempt to appreciate every second
learn to appreciate every breath
130 · May 2020
amy May 2020
empty as an unlit bulb
with no lamp shade
lonely in the centre of the room
129 · Dec 2019
amy Dec 2019
my body is a matchbox
full to the brim of kindling
posing as a lit match
flames stuck to me, so attached

i wore the flame
but the flame also wore me
wore me down
until my body became a ghost town

i’d flicker and light up
whenever anyone needed me to
but then fall apart so quickly
in the fingertips of you

keep going for more
there are hundreds to use, my dear
but keep an eye on the matchbox
because when it is empty,
keep the ash as a souvenir
129 · Dec 2019
amy Dec 2019
play me like a game
the more you play, the stronger you get
i start to pull away
trying to pretend we never met

what was life without this game
i can’t remember the feeling of peace
it’s unknown if i will ever feel a release

tear my spirit in two
rip my soul in three
split my heart in four
keep my body waiting for more

back to square one
i think i like you again
but we have so much fun
UGH. what is it about men?

you made my mind confused
just to keep yourself amused
good for you, get your kicks
and i’ll get my depressing fix
126 · Dec 2019
mirrored storm
amy Dec 2019
at last I think I’ve realised
swirled through the motions
like a spinning top
with no intention to stop

like the key meets the lock
I reach for a reading
if it’s bad I’ll simply block
if it’s good I’ll keep believing

transparency cradles the outline of a storm
we can clearly see each other
notice the heat itching to come closer
each crack of thunder
indicates another victim being born

keep it short and sweet
time is carefully limited
allow the rage and agony to finally meet
because now,
nothing is prohibited
126 · May 2020
this & that
amy May 2020
good days
bitter sweet
but you know
it’s merely a treat

head in a bad place
buried in the sand
deflated balloon
tasted so bland

gaze into the distance
stare at the stillness
glance at your feet
just take a seat

try good thoughts
on the bad days
breathe just a little bit deeper
collapse and feel the rays

stare at the sky
and just try
try to connect

why do we stare at the clouds
imagining our dead relatives can see us
who fed us that lie
is that why I always stare at the sky

don’t read your book of mindfulness
lift the quilt
tuck every hair
can’t see me?
like you care
125 · Jan 2020
amy Jan 2020
nifty little brain
bringing a world of pain
world so complete
but pierces me with defeat
pierces through my heart
intentionally sharp
wearing a mask so sheer
so i only feel fear

developing a cycle
bravery is just an option
dangling off the cliff
cliff of gloom
if i fall
my future is doomed
future no more
so i hold bravery at my core

i only have the strength to cling on
that’s enough
for now,
for me,
until i’m gone
125 · Dec 2019
gloomy October
amy Dec 2019
tell me to leave
spy on my shattered heart
wrap ropes around my throat
watch this world fall apart

its scary when your body is made of glass
people see all of you, notice every weakness
vulnerability is my identity
and relief is not an option

shards of glass penetrating my skin
butter knife lodge into my back
daggers trapped between my head & heart
bullets fired into my third eye

this sinking feeling reminds me its real
I thought it was gone
but i was wrong
I accept that disappointment is all I’ll feel
123 · Dec 2019
amy Dec 2019
beating heart, pumping blood through a body
a body so lost
a body with no soul
a body so cold

in existential depression
simply calling for a response
existing in a pool of love
remaining comfortably numb

on a journey out of the fog
loving & living
formulating a path to triumph

she is fierce & fabulous
a dynamic woman
natural, strong & feminine

this road is going to be…
this road is,
incredibly spectacular
122 · Dec 2019
amy Dec 2019
i can’t quite comprehend
how frequent this feeling is
failure & disappointment is now a trend
i feel one step closer to death’s kiss

oh that sinking feeling when you lose your phone
the ridiculously impactful sense of loss
the lump in my throat has only grown
its not loss of a phone, it’s the knowing that our paths will never cross

sadness showers over me
soaking up my joy
rejection crippling me over & over
playing with me like i’m a ******* toy

**** this
**** me

finally, **** this repetitive feeling too.
amy Dec 2019
the safety net no one asked for
clasping at the sides
tightening the jaws of betrayal
ever so quietly strengthening itself
each bite of your innocence
enhances the clutch

dismembering your freedom
stacking loyalty on top of love
laughing internally
laughing at YOU

the cloned feeling of fear
waits for the green light
meticulously planning the next attack

wait til it’s dark
wait til you’re in the darkest of places
and in that moment,
mortality is imminent
119 · Dec 2019
amy Dec 2019
string us along
like a chain of polaroids
some faded
some so vibrant
119 · Jun 2020
amy Jun 2020
i don’t feel like her
the one trapped beneath the grid
they keep loving
the same old ****

delicate line
from top to bottom
firmly posed

these identifiers of allure
is a pain I can no longer endure

touchy subject
wish I didn’t have to write about it
it’s eating through our souls
til we take on the shape of her
that’s the only goal

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118 · Dec 2019
amy Dec 2019
vivid sights of flashing lights
music dancing around my ears
innocent fumbled dancing
body let loose whilst we clutch our beers

your stare was cold and evil
auric field becomes crimson
plan is clear, you slowly get near
i am unaware, but suddenly i am so bare

forceful and firm
my friend is now an enemy
i am frozen and paralysed
no one can hear my internal cries

numbness spreads like a disease
my innocence shatters
each section slashing my heart
only slightly so i still remain
but enough to endure the pain

your hand slithers around my being
parts you know you can’t touch
you think you own me, all of me
silent on the outside, when i want to scream so much

why me?
you took the power to reveal all of me
it wasn’t yours to take, it never will be
but that night, i belonged to anyone and everyone

countless tears, panic & sleepless nights
aren’t you lucky i didn’t blab?
was all this worth it?
just for a few unwanted grabs
too many me too's
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