Gazing at
The ever raising,
Of everybody,
I die daily.. *

Stop caging me and my intentions,
My life is mine,
not for implementing,
your *learnings and inventions...

sorrow nibbles at the edges of my heart
deep love transformed again
sharp shards of unbearable pain
pop up here and there
all goes on as always
death changes one
each and every loss
polishing edges...

who will i be when this
grieving wanes?

They, where just two kids. She was so new to the world he lived in and she waltzed in like she was looking to win a prize. MAYBE just maybe, she did.

No one knew nothing of her. Naomi, Naomi Quinn was her name. She was by far the most beautiful disaster he had ever laid eyes on. Naomi didn’t ever have it all but she made the most what little she did have. At least she tried and sometimes she broke and when she broke her skin would separate with a close of the eyes and just one swipe. As simple as she seemed her story was not.
Mommy and daddy where known as just some people she used to know. Not around much to stop the tears and certainly not to see her pain. She relied on her best friend. Winnie was sweet and Winnie would never back down from stopping the hurt that Naomi had to deal with every day. The names, the hits, the pushes, the shoves. No one asked Naomi how her days where or how she felt. No one but Winnie. Winnie was cautious of every step anyone took towards Naomi simply because she knows how delicate she is.
A normal day was just Winnie and Naomi each school day and weekend until the kid with the big brown eyes showed up. He walked with a mind of certainty and he talked with a purpose. Brown hair and a great smile. Tall and handsome with a name that seems to make her want to melt. Spencer Ray was not the kind to fall for a girl like Naomi. Spencer was confident and loved by anyone and everyone.
On a normal day the girl went to school and the girls they went home, but this day was different. The skies where bright the air felt fresh and the day was good. Naomi freezes mid- sentence next to Winnie rendered speechless. He stands there speaking as she blinds but does not awaken. A dream, she must be dreaming but she’s not. Spencer speaks to her. Why her? “Dinner at 8?” spencer questions the look he receives from Naomi and with just a blink of an eye he—wait nope he’s still there. Spencer asks a new question “how does a walk on the beach sound?” With just a nod of her head it’s a date.
“What do I say? What do I wear? Why me? Is this a joke?” Naomi panics completely forgetting Winnie is still there she sits down and just sits and sits and sits.  Naomi sits until she figures out an outfit and she figures out what to say and she walks only after Seeing Winnie leaving in a car of a friend.
Racing home with a pounding heart she arrives only shortly before Spencer does too. In Jean shorts and a purple tank-top she hears the door and takes a breath. With a ragged old blue t-shirt and cargo shorts he hands her a flower and escorts her to the car.
The ocean breeze and the smell of his cologne with her hair down and hand in a pocket while the other dangles freely, he grabs it. Like the waves creeped up with not a noise made, her breathe is shortened. They stop and watch as the waved crash and the sun set as the sky turns darker for the night to sneak quickly. Not a word said all night then he speaks “Such a beautiful sight.” Naomi turns to see where he is looking as he is already staring into her eyes. “I have always loved the ocean its…” Naomi begins to say as spencer grabs her quickly and kisses her. On the third set past the white steps Spencer speaks the words “I wasn’t talking about the ocean” and he kisses her once more.
Weeks they pass and they begin to be in Love. Something Naomi would have never thought to know. Then something happens. The sweet loving kisses turn to loud hateful screams and the warming hugs turn to forceful shoves. Through this all Naomi stays not matter the many protests of Winnie. As this goes on Naomi becomes less strong and one day Naomi broke. Feeling like a failure she looks to spencer for comfort and all she seems to receive is question after question. “Why did you do it? How could you do that? Why are you like this?” With a response of a quiet sobbing “sorry” Naomi breaks once more.
Doing the one thing he swore not to do Spencer leaves for weeks. Naomi breaks and breaks and breaks. Weeks go bye and he calls. “I’m leaving you here with no return you are not my love I hope this won’t hurt.”
She thought she would make it. She was so strong but what’s there to do how should she move on? Bewildered destroyed once again by the one who held her together for so long. A best friend the one she loved and now what does this mean? Worthless? Replaced? Was she always JUST a friend?
The night it was cold and the skies had no stars the rain it poured down and she stood there looking at the ground. One two three four Just a couple more. Put them in swallow them all and right before the fall……..one last breathe…she jumps …
They never knew of her she was the background they all say but never questioned. Mommy and daddy where just some people she used to know. Her best friend she was the best that there was. The boy she once loved gets looked down on from above now with wondrous-hatred and tears in the eyes that loved like a fool.
Not until she was gone did they question her long sleeves and why she wore pants in the summer. They began to see all of her pain and all her troubles. They learned what they lost and it won’t be back tomorrow.
Falling, loving, sorrow and pain. Close of the eyes, pinch on the skin, just one swipe and that was the end.
“Separation of the skin”


Love you, Never Forget