i am not the girl you will fall in love with upon first sight
i am made of late nights, busy days, and a long hard past
i am not a pair of legs
i am the sum of all my thoughts
and everything i aspired to be when i was little
i am not a pair of almond-shaped eyes
i am a soft kiss on your cheek and your face nuzzled into my neck when it's 2 am and you can't handle everything
you will not fall for me upon first sight
but you will fall for me
slowly
as you get to know me
and i wouldn't have it any other way

if i can't make you snort with laughter on your sad days, do not stay with me. i do not deserve you
if i can't make you giggle like a little ******* your tired days, find someone else, i'm begging you.
if i can't even make you smile on the days that you kind of hate me, then i am not the one for you, i promise.

and if i don't have you feeling otherwise on days where you find that maybe you don't want to be alive,
leave me
leave me.
for there is someone better out there for you

you deserve someone who fills your life with color and makes you happier than you ever thought you could be
if i can't be that for you,
if i can't make you feel that kind of love,
leave me
please leave me.
for there is someone better out there for you
you deserve them

I started writing poetries
But all I could read from it was
The sound of bones cracking
Another cry I always told myself not to be let out
The sound of eyeballs falling to a spring

I kept repeating your recorded voice
Breathing to it over, over, all over again
Couldn't smell your soul
Couldn't feel the warmth of your breath

I accidentaly broke my chest, ripped my heart,
Accidentally casted the darkness away
Couldn't find you
Couldn't see you

How was your voice again?
It was a dusty bluish green
A moss-covered 2 p.m. bright sky

Do you ever see our star?
It's called "sun"
The one that casts you away from your mind
But not mine

I have worn
you as my livery, you
as my prison jumpsuit, as
my cloak of darkness wrapped
around me when light
meant burning and I
preferred to stab myself
into my hiding place.

I have worn
you for so long I have
forgotten what it means
for you to creep
up on me, for you
to ambush me as I bask
in the light, to
be suddenly present
when I did not
expect you.

Snapdragons are one of those
flowers that wilt in springtime, not
because there is
anything wrong, it's just
that their season is over.

I wonder whether
snapdragons ever fall
in love with the hawthorns,
though I really shouldn't
have to.

I know all too well the
feeling of having to love
someone perennially as
you both alternate dying,
for lack of rain,
for want of sun.

I wrote a poem
about how much
I do not understand
the idea of death

Then I hit
ctrl+A
backspace

That's death.
I still don't understand it.

I am scattering
like light, like dandelions
minus glimpse of hope.

Strip the flesh from my bones
and make from it a carpet
to better walk all over me.
Craft from my skeleton
a little cage for birds
and allow them to assist in your
defilement of me.
Feed my organs to the Lion
so that I might keep Him at bay
and allow for your further escape.
Bury my soul amongst the stars
and I can water your garden with my tears
(I've always wanted to give you life).
Cast my memories aside
and fill my mind with your own,
because my thoughts should be about you, anyway.