sometimes
you just have
    to size up
the man.
(silence)
   eyes moving slowly
*i can take you.

i don't know
       how to breathe
in this state of
hypervigilant sorrow.

ask me
      who i am
and i can speak
only in shadows.

i
l-i-k-e
like you
(as in)
i find you
agreeable, enjoyable, satisfactory
(or as i would more deftly put it)
   i find you
  charming (you take my b r e a t h e    away)
     good-natured (kind and gentle)
  delightful (talented, funny, and intelligent)

i like you
   i find pleasure
     in your
  very existence.
   the fact
   that we breathe
         the same air
     encourages my feeble
attempts to go on.
i like you
     i find your body
  an endless sea
     of wave upon wave
         of delight, aching need
    stunning beauty
       and my only real
   connection to you.
i  like you
   i feel l i g h t e r
when you are around
  you restore my hope
     for humanity
         you light my way
i like you
  i am at a loss
for other words
  and yet i know
these are not sufficient.

it’s suddently solemn
   it holds me back and tears me down
i swear i can’t even hear
(certain people are so easily drowned)

But I
   I am easily lit
   Fire like you’ve never seen
And it is captivating
I’m showered in red-gold
                     And no one will be amused at all.

I am the calm
  And I am the woman
               And I am the fire.

i think it
a grave mistake
for
worldviews
to be held
hostage,
s e c r e t,
tight
against
one's chest,
reinforced
only by
filtered
media.

It is a dark path.
a journey into
an obsession with
yourself and those
who agree with you.

progress only arises
from s h a r i n g
ideas,
thoughts,
experiments,
experiences.

one does not
get an education
to learn only about
oneself.

it is the others
who provide the
most beautiful,
complex unraveling of
your tightly wound views.

a society that
does not share ideas,
does not excel.
does not improve.
does not invent.
does not create.

a society fixated on a mantra
of sameness
will collapse
entirely.

i only write
to know
   my place,

to bend
the edges of
   the pages
so that
i can remember

what this
life
was all about.

who is in charge
of this hellhole
that they have decided
it's ok
for me to
have fire?

clearly the answer
is no one
or i wouldn't be
wielding
fire and chocolate
and wine and music and pens
and this insane body of mine...

i mean don't you people
realize what i can
*do with this ****???

i feel nothing.
i say nothing.

i see the trap
you have made

and i
will not
be caught.

huh.

i didn't know
it was cool
to joke about
children
accidentally
killing themselves
or others
with guns.

i didn't know
you were supposed
to make fun
of someone
for thinking
it might be
a good idea
to try to protect
children
from getting shot.

the sound of a trumpet
   means more
when you've put one
        to your lips
  felt the cool metal
blown through teeth
and lips
  the air
       full of life

[i picture myself]
>I see my mind's eye self<
as a sculpture
made of stone
facing outward toward the sea
where the ocean meets the land
(meets woman)
face to
the waves
a barrage.
   an erosion.
a return.

i used to feel
   such tenderness
a calm assurance of truth

now i am hard
   poised to strike
*i am no one's soft place to land

sometimes you
just can't buy
your favorite cheese.

(seems simple enough)

yet all things
are veiled
under layer upon layer
of decision.

space is vast
and the wood is wild
the waters are dark and deep
this is as true as my love
as keen as my discerning eye
and discriminating sense
when it comes to you.
i saw you.
without haste, i watched.
i listened
like an owl in the night, my eyes gleaming under the light of the moon.
i learned the rhythm of the man,
and in love i joined the dance.

in the light of the sun you shone like music
your face a radiance that warmed those near
your voice soothing, a weapon on my heart
fingertips on strings….whispers in ears…hand in hand.

dreams awakened
ideas shared and seeds beginning to grow
lazy afternoons under blankets
quiet afternoons
walks around the neighborhood
subtly scented smoke dancing in the warm breeze
I knew you. I saw into you from the start.

what you do not know of yourself, i know for you. and i love.
of this you can be assured.

shining metallic futures
brilliant, advanced, and p o s s i b l e
   so close….r e a c h i n g
together reaching
for truth   and sense   and purpose
for the future

two peas in a pod
masked the harshness of the truth
we saw together in the world


without beckoning me to follow
you turned from the shining of the light to the deepness of the wood
with hard eyes a dark magic was summoned
a desire in the man i could not fulfill
I reside in the vastness of space.
of love   of possibility   of life

you reside in the deepness and the wild of the wood
you require a final song of love to a dead man walking.
in your sleep i have wished you well.
in your sleep i had whispered for fate to grant your health your wellness and your happiness

the ocean deep beckons
wet eyelashes and big brown, searching eyes
my love i am here
    what you are seeking
you refuse to see
i   am   right   here.

i can only watch in confusion and anguish at the edge of the deep
i am light and free of the tangles that snare you in the wild
you stubbornly refuse my gentle hand
reaching to pull you into the light

my love for you is without beginning or end
my anguish electrifies a growing empty space
thoughts collide, repel, attract

what i mistakenly took for a growing bloom
was a withering branch
what i took for honesty
was cowardice
what i took for love
was a black hole.

time-slide
    straight trippin
thumbprint,
  wood-grain grippin
candy paint
          eyeliner d r i p p i n

why are you such a devil?

stopping me
in my tracks
with your words.

c o m p l e t e
joy

eyes growing wide,
an actual
r e a l
smile

and i love
that i can
imagine you
hear your love's
breathing

see the fluid
graceful
motion of
your mind.

i am
robotic.

stunted.

struggling
to piece together
thoughts.

i'm happy
you're here.

and i
want
more.

i'm* in it to win it
you fool man
seeing what you cannot
holding tight the thread
of possibility
not ready to let it go
look into my eyes
see the truth reflected there
feel the ferocity of my love
a shelter and a storm
unable to release a cold fear
              you are weak
but i am strong
because i know
  time is not on our side
i can bite back fear
for the sake of
every moment i can save
every day i can spend in the sun with you.

i know that it seems
like now is the time
to hunker down
in the dark
with some keebler elves,

but if i can teach you
just one thing
it would be that
now is not that time.

-

now is the time
for r i s i n g.
now is the time
for crushing fear.
for beards,
for drums,
and an annoyingly
confident disposition.

i know it doesn't seem so,
bruder,
but i know more than you.

i can see the you
that you cannot see,

and i am telling you,

**now is your time.