we were a big bang
a beginning
beautiful, prolific, thundering

the bang created matter
it created so much that mattered
but it also created space

as time went on
the space got larger, it expanded
as the noise got softer

the matter was still there,
just farther apart
still beautiful, just changing

our universe got so large
that it was foolish to cling to each other any more
you can’t fight gravity

since we let go
and let our orbits run their course
I feel so free, so strange

a great deal of space separates us now
and our orbits are uncharted
but we will always have come from that big bang

The sun is coming out
And my heart is sputtering back to life

When I tell people
My dilemma-
To stay or to go-
It’s so simple to them

“Go forwards, not back”
“If you’re not feeling it, you’re not feeling it”
“Do you love him, or are you in love?”
“Have new experiences, live your life”

I guess what I could spend
Hours and hours
And
Hours
Turning over in my head

Really isn’t so complicated
When you put it like that

I noticed that I have been drawing stars everywhere recently

In the margins of my paper,
on the inside of my wrist,
traced softly against
the back of your neck

I wasn't sure why
until I got into bed last night
and looked up
at the plastic stars
dancing across my ceiling

And I instantly thought
of how it felt
to look up at those stars
snuggled tight within your arms

They're almost as dazzling
as those tucked within your eyes

And I think that I'm still so blinded
that I see their outline
every time I blink

and I cannot help
but sketch them out
whenever I get the chance

acting this way,
it's playing with my heart

you're teasing me

but I must admit,
I'm a more than willing victim

may every night end
with you as the last thing i see

and may every morning begin
with yours arms reaching for me

Things were not perfect
they did not go to plan
but I hope that you
can understand

that perfection is not
what matters to me
it's that we're there for each other
through the vulnerability

I am scared
and I think you are too
but what counts is you've got me
and I've got you

you told me that you love me
because i make you feel safe,
and loved

well when the sky goes dark
and the silence from my phone rings louder
and the voices in my head whisper faster

i hear:
you love me because i love you

(and god, i do)

but my dear,
i want to be loved
because i am me
(the way that i love you
because you are you)

so tell me,

could you ever yearn for me
the way that i yearn for you?

could you put yourself aside for me
the way that i would do without a thought for you?

could you see me, adoringly
the way that i see and unconditionally love you?

i don't know
but if you do
i need you to show me

my lightbulb burned out
and I can’t breathe

ode to
the object
where our gazes both come to land

ode to
the harmonies
that we both feel resonating inside us

ode to
the imaginings
that are running through both our minds

ode to that blessed space
in between--
our own little world
where it's just you and i
together, dancing, tumbling in our own dimension

i could stay here a while

He took a turn for the worse.
Unconscious,
Barely holding on.
It did not seem real
It could not be real.
I said a prayer,
I sent my love,
And I hoped with all my heart.
By some miracle, his eyes opened.
He was greeted with love and care
His tired lips broke into a peaceful smile,
And he sang a love song to his age-old lover.
When finally, his eyes closed once more,
Completely content,
Ready to go.

it feels like
the aftershock of an earthquake

or the wetness
that clings to the air
after a heavy rain

the storm has passed,
yet it lingers

I could spend forever
watching the planes go by
with you

It was so nice to think
that things would have worked out
had we been dealt another hand

but I can see now
that that’s not true
and that that’s okay

Telling myself lies softened the blow then
but I am stronger now
strong enough to look the truth in the eye

You are not the one for me
We would never have worked
We are better off apart

Brighter loves are coming our way

Real, true friends
My evenings to spend as I please
Freedom from wondering when you’d call
Confidence in my desirability
The ability to make choices without explanation
An understanding of heartbreak
An appreciation for my strength
Liberation from guilt and obligation
Courtship and romance
Perspective on my wants and needs
Standards for what I deserve
Love for who I am

Regular consumption of art
Careful observation of the outdoors
A challenge with which to grapple
Café au lait
Walking as a mode of transportation
Learning through conversation
Documenting how you feel
Going the extra mile for others (when you don't have to)
Chocolate bars eaten in their entirety
Exaggerated French accents
Shedding your inhibitions and embracing your bravery
Loved ones

When I was young
I was carefree
And I spoke all that was on my mind.
My brother laughed,
My parents smiled
I was happy in a world that was kind.

When I first went to school
I had a big smile
And I was totally, completely me.
But a few quizzical looks
And a few snide remarks
Made me question who I should be.

When I grew a little older
I had a shy smile
I had decided to keep my thoughts to myself.
I kept my head down
The others passed me by
It had been a success, I felt.

When I  turned fifteen
I kept the smile on my face
But I also kept my thoughts inside.
When people talked to me
I felt afraid
I didn’t know how to reply.

Here I am now
I’m still happy, still me.
But I remember- my thoughts can’t be spoken.
So now I think and think
To come up with the right words
But often I settle for none.

The regular usage
of certain adjectives
has diminished the fortitude
to which they are entitled

But I have found some things
that have taught me their true meaning
and merit their characterization
For instance,

One ought to reserve "breathtaking"
to describe the sunflower field
that I ran to, laughing, with friends
bursting with joyful yellows and grounding greens
as far as the eye can see
reaching, yearning for the light

One ought to reserve "incredible"
to describe the dance between the sky and the river
so beautiful that it truly is difficult to believe
the way the sky looks like a painting
brushed by the passion of an artist
and the way it is reflected by the river
which adds a twinkle as the water waltzes to and fro

One ought to reserve "awesome"
to describe the bustling city
that has beauty and history tucked into every corner
and that positively sparkles in the nighttime
the city in which you have no control over the smile that makes a home on your face
and the way your eyes hurry to take it all in

Je suis contente que j'ai appris
le sens de ces beaux mots
et que j'ai eu des moments
vraiment magnifiques

I wonder how much time each person spends looking at the sky.

It’s pretty miraculous that
Every single gaze
Is repeatedly pulled to the vast expanse above
From all corners of the earth

It is incontestably necessary.

I wonder if the sky can see us too
If it knows of its great beauty
Of its pull, its allure

Or perhaps not

But what cannot be disputed
Is the fact that it is beautiful
And it unites us all
The great ceiling of our home
Fills each and every soul with wonder
Each and every one

I can see the emptiness in your pixelated eyes
the effort in your virtual smile

This distance is like a glass plane
I can see your pain, but I can't reach it, can't reach you

If I could, I'd hold you close,
nuzzle into your side
scratch your back,
empty your mind

my baby this too will pass
but it doesn't feel that way just yet

time is a fascinating concept
one that i seem to grasp for a moment
but in another moment
it is an abstract idea once more

time moves along swiftly
ticking on and on
with no regard
to what it is passing by

time is greedy
it takes everything it touches
everything that we do, say think,
time will take

yet we have conquered time in certain ways
we have fought its persistent arms
using memory as our weapon

memory creates immortality
and it is for that reason that time's captives,
the past,
live on.

i don't think i can bear it

the idea of a life
lived in the service
of those
just barely
alive
is noble

but i don't think i can bear it

it hurts
it is
heartbreaking
to witness
such brokenness

the hurt is the kind that lingers
and seeps into all your crevices
and never leaves your side
like a shadow

i don't think i can bear it
even if i can help
to ease their hurt

i don't think i can bear it

last night you told me that you love me

I felt hope,
and fear

I hope that you mean this
but I fear that you don't

I think I put up
more walls than I realized

to protect myself
in case things fell apart

I need you to show me
to help me understand
that your words are true

I so desperately want
to exhale

The world is anew!
Love and joy are all around
My smile's here to stay.

now that I've given you a piece of me
please take good care of it

there are entire continents of my world
that you have yet to know

discover me

I plant so many seeds
With a smile on my face

Eagerly water them
And admire them from the window

But from the window I see all the buds
And my excitement turns to panic

How can I tend to all these flowers?
How could one be expected to do this?

I turn from the window
And never look back.

Now and again I think of my flowers
As if they were frozen just how I left them- as blossoms.

But deep down I know better,
They have withered away.

To distract from this
I turn to a new field

There is a daisy!

How lovely it would be

If there were a whole field of daisies!


And so it begins.

i feel like a piece of my brain is missing
some critical set of synapses
that soothes and calms
lives within you

my love for him eclipses his for me
****, that hurts

What a curious thing
it is to be

sometimes i feel so afraid
that you'll never love me
the way i love you

I've been without a home for a while now
Having as much adventure as time will allow

I have climbed mountains and I have seen stars
I've danced and I've traveled wide and far

But to be honest what gets me through
Are thoughts of coming on home to you

Of you being the last place I will land
Of yours being the roots upon which our home will stand

Because then when we adventure together I know
I will always carry with me a sense of home

am i brave enough
to put my heart on the line
for an uncertain outcome?

why does doing the right thing
have to be so torturous?

Tonight the sky looked like a watercolor painting

The clouds were broad strokes of cream
gently brushed across the bright backdrop
of warm oranges and nurturing blues

The moon was a glistening orb
it looked magical
winking at me from its milky cradle

My stereo hummed out a tune about love
as I winded down the roads
to see every corner of this beautiful piece of art

Love was on my mind
a smile was on my face
and in moments like this
I cannot help but believe in You.

tonight we took a walk to get the brookline tab
after watching la la land

we both knew it wouldn't be there

laughing and singing, we made our way through the deserted streets
giddy, in our pajamas

we ended up at our park and found a bench for two

the crickets our chorus
the lamppost our spotlight

i held my breath, and took a leap of faith

because *******,
you're worth it

I will never forget
the moment when
you told me you love me
I think of it again and again

My heart soared
because I love you too
I've never felt such joy,
such rightness there with you

The words that had been
on the edge of my lips
were finally free
to dance out (with a kiss)

How wonderful!
How divine!
I love you,
and you are all mine!

Nobody tells you
That you won’t be able to listen to music
Because it’s all insensitively about love
Or unbearably true to your pain

Nobody tells you
That you’ll lose control over your mind
Because every last little thing will remind you of him
So you’ll have to fight through each moment just to be okay

Nobody tells you
That your body will feel cold
That you’ll tremble
And ache

And nobody tells you
That sometimes you’ll feel fine
And that those moments are the scariest of all
Because that feels like you’re losing them
All over again

I love the way you see
And hear
Other people

With such openness
And respect

You see the best in everyone

I suppose what you see
Reflects what you are-

Pure gold.

When I was younger
I used to notice with wonder
all the exquisite details of earth

the wiggly wet earthworms that came out after a rain
the pompous blades of grass that sprung up in the spring
the twinkling rays of sun peeking out behind swirling clouds

I sure knew what I was doing, huh?

words are music
words are grace

words are knives
leaving wounds without a trace

words can inspire
and words can ****

merely a collection of sounds
with which power we fill

so use your words wisely
think before you speak

for words are indeed
the furthest thing from weak

when I showed you a part of me
that wasn't too pretty

you said,
"I look forward to my future"

and you meant it

I have this tendency
Of running myself in circles
Until I am so very tired
And confused
And empty

You have this tendency
Of holding steady
No matter what

Eventually your steadiness
Lures me in
And I find peace
Nestled into the crooks of your arms

You balance me out

when we were hiking
and you saw a chipmunk
you said, instinctively,
"hey, mister chipmunk!"

and that just about
filled me to the brim
with affection

I like it when you hold me
and pout your lips, smiling a little bit
and you look in my eyes
before stealing a kiss on my nose

It gives me butterflies
that leap and soar
because I'm so in love with you

I like the way you think
how you're thoughtful and measured
how you listen and remember
how you always try to do the right thing

It makes me feel safe
and grounded and at home
and so in love with you

I like every moment I spend with you
and I'm eager for more

You give me patience
and time

You can hold steady
while I spin

what did I do to deserve you?

it's remarkable how
just one little thing
can buckle my knees
and send my mind tumbling away

I have never felt this way before

My heart
it's singing

My head
can't help
but sing along

Like the breeze
that tosses my hair
this way and that

Thoughts of you
blow on by
and my mind
collapses
into your melody

Always subject to your wind
my thoughts have
slipped
out of my control

But I don't mind

they say that people are
a collection of their experiences
the sum of all the moments
that make up their life

I'm glad that so many of mine
have been spent with you