Is it now, or is it ten years ago?
A decade long narcissistic show

Is passing time a sensory illusion
All adding up to the same conclusion?

My heart is beating, that I know
Surely I am reaping what I sow

I feel I progress and yet stand still
A paradox with time to ****

Innocence standing right in front of my eyes
Taunting me to get out of the cries
In my head, telling me to back away before it's too late
Before the hate comes rushing through, this feels so great
The pain I'm feeling is irritate, you're imitate
So stop before this breaks down, you're in a shade, I'm blazing red
I'm hot from this madness you're causing but wait look, there's a parade
Cheering me on to do what I don't want to, consultant please freaking consultate!
Look at my plate, it's emptier than a blank wooden crate
This date, this year, this month imprinted into my head.
So every time when I look at the calendar on this exact day
I remember it's the day u ******* up, not me, cya in hell mate.

An abandoned church with an open hymn book lying on the ground
The pages are still new yet the floor beneath it was littered
With ash and broken pieces from the ceiling
Amazing Grace has never sounded so bitter
The walls reverberated the sound through the hallways and columns
There was something sweet in the harmony of a lonely voice
The choir has fallen with the rest of the stained glass windows
I think of the last person to ever have prayed in that church
Got on their knees in the ruins, asked God why his body felt like this church
Broken and annihilated, like a plane crashing into a building
Like a freight train hitting a parked car
I feel weaker than I ever have in between the pews of this empty church
He thinks, "God, what did I do to deserve such hollow bones? Why does my heart beat slow down when I see her? How many prayers must I pray to get her out of my mind?"
His eyes closes tight like the doors to his father's house
And he wonders how he will ever get off of his knees
A tear falls to his blue jeans and does not make any effort to hold this in
He was past the point of never crying, no one was watching him anyways
Being destroyed was part of being a man sometimes
The open hymnal smiles in the back of his mind
He thinks of his mother singing in the car
Thinks of how her hands clenched tight to the steering wheel
She was careful driving with him in the car
She loved her son more than herself, she cared more for her family than anything
He thinks of the girl that he still loves
Even though she has walked out on him
Her long hair that draped down her back
Hung like a man on a noose in the middle of a town
Her eyes, like a bullet in a gun, rusted and covered in dust
She used to sing all the time
You wonder if she still sings hymnals in her grandmother's church
You wonder if she sings Amazing Grace