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 Dec 2015 Alexandra Dogbe
NV
THE WAY IN WHICH INSECURITY MAKES A HOME OF MY BODY,
LEAVING HER PILES OF SELF-DOUBT AND ANXIETY LYING ON THE FLOOR.
AS I CONTINUE TO STUMBLE AWAY FROM MIRRORS,
TRYING TO FIND A REFLECTION SHE HAS NOT BECOME A PART OF,
SHE REVEALS TO ME,
THAT THE MIRROR DOES NOT HAVE TO BE CRACKED IN ORDER FOR ME TO LOOK BROKEN.
I ASK HER WHY SHE HAS NOT MOVED OUT ALREADY,
AND SHE SAYS IT IS NOT HER FAULT THAT I ALWAYS LEAVE THE DOORS OPEN.
I TELL HER OF HOW I MISPLACED THE KEYS IN THE HANDS OF PEOPLE WHO COULD NOT LOVE ALL THAT I AM.
AND WITHOUT HESITATION,
SHE ASKS ME WHY I HAVE NOT YET CHANGED THE LOCKS.
 Dec 2015 Alexandra Dogbe
NV
when last have i had a 3am kind of conversation,
with my star like emotions scattered all over the darkest parts of me,
mimicking the sky,
my moon like persona that always returns back to hiding me away.  
when last have i felt safe enough to let somebody in,
to not have visions of my vulnerability being tied to the bed after he locks the door behind him,
his voice like some sort of broken record that keeps on repeating that
"it's gonna be okay."
when last have i had a shoulder to cry on that isn't my own,
for my neck to stop worrying that the tear filled sea on either side won't get waves big enough to drown me.  
when last okay,
when last has it felt good to be me.
 Dec 2015 Alexandra Dogbe
NV
i sometimes wonder why you still visit my mood swings,
left in abandoned playgrounds between my chest.
why you still visit even though the slides may only carry you down to somebody like me.
somebody difficult to love,
somebody who cannot tell the difference between crying and laughing anymore.
why you haven't left this soul,
who's bones can't seem to find enough strength to push my side of the sea saw,
who can't seem to move past three poles on the monkey bar,
simply because of the weight on top of my shoulders.
this flesh of complete brokeness that couldn't bare ringa ring rosie,
because at some point one gets tired of always falling.
i often wonder, why me.
why me, with all my chipped paint and countless dents.
why you still visit,
when this isn't the grass on other side that's greener.
because God knows,
i'd understand if you look for a park elsewhere.
a park worthy of you.


I don't understand,
Why people would say I am good,
I am not good,
I've been bad,
I am just trying to be good.

I don't understand,
Why people would say I am beautiful,
I am not beautiful!
When did I even become beautiful????
I never was,
And will never be!

I don't understand,
Why people would say I have a good voice,
Did they even hear me?
I sing only in my room,
My voice should only be heard by me,
'Cause never in my life did I have had a good voice.

I don't understand,
Why people would say I am smart,
I am never smart,
Never did it happen,
I am dull,
I always fail.

I don't understand,
Why people would say I am lucky,
You don't know my life,
You don't know what I have been dealing with,
I am not lucky,
I am dying and it's not lucky.

I cannot see the good in me,
'Cause I never have good in me,
All are bad with failures,
All are just trying,
But they never work,
All are not enough,
In all I do,
There's always people who look down on me,
And step me hard down to hell,
'Cause I don't do enough,
And never did I do enough.


Sometimes I always feel,
For many years,
That I just wanna hAng myself,
Or cut my throat,
Or overdose myself,
Drink toxic stuff,
Jump from a high building,
In any way I could **** myself,
Just to be free from pain,
It's ironic I am good giving advice to other people,
They said I helped them,
Never did they know,
That I never helped myself,
I guess it's better,
We can help other people,
Though honestly,
I am never good at advising,
Since I can't even hear my own words.

I don't understand,
Why life is just so unfair to me,
I can only see darkness,
Where's the light?




© Earl Jane
♥ E.J.C.S.
Just wanna save this... :) I am okay, I am just overacting.....
 Dec 2015 Alexandra Dogbe
Ysabel
Don't you dare to desert a poet,
Her words will haunt you down.
Don't you dare to hurt a poet,
Her words will stab you 'til you're gone.
Don't you dare to change a poet,
Her words will just echo around.
Just don't dare to date a poet,
If you don't mean to keep her in your arms.

— The End —