Of all the people that I've stayed loyal to
I never thought that traitor would be you
You stood reluctant to their verbal attacks
But this time you will face the facts

You are lucky that I was there to make sure you were safe
So you would still love them and your opinion wouldn't change

You are the only thing that I've ever come close to caring about
And I value that more than I've ever shown
Notwithstanding all those times I would act out
I still struggle at the thought of facing them on my own

I hope they continue to look down on me
It's not like I'm not used to this
The better person is all I want to be

I will swallow my pride if that's what it takes
This is a sacrifice I'm willing to make

If I could turn back time I would have done it by now
Because as you can see I'm still affected somehow
And that will never change although sometimes I doubt
Whether or not you will still be proud

I will not let this thing get the best of me
Despite all the struggle I've gone through for you
Just do not promise me something that you can't keep
I've already sacrificed so much for you

One day you'll comprehend how many selfish things I did
But I think for now it's better off that you don't know
It's not that I don't care to explain, the honest truth is I am at the point where I have nothing to say now
Just don't underestimate my ability to protect the ones I love Please help me before I collapse into another breakdown

It's not because of the fact that you were brainwashed
It's the fact that you would take their side
The lessons taught to you were filled with manipulation
All I want to be here as your guide

Tell me exactly how you feel
No more hiding anything that seems ideal
How can you look at me like you have no faith
When all I want is to keep you safe
For you I'd give up everything

Why would I ever try to hurt you? I swear my intentions were so high
So you weren't exposed to all the conflict I contained
you from, so don't say goodbye
because it wasn't you that I was leaving

I don't expect you too look up to me
If anything that's the last thing I want you to do
I just want you to remember one thing
That I will always be here for you

I don't care if my impression on you has changed
I will look after you no matter how you look at me
I already know that I've become a little deranged
So don't try to give me agony

Does it make you smile when you see this look on my face?
Will it make you frown when you see I've changed so suddenly?

I will never let such a little thing ever get the best of me
Despite all the struggle I've gone through I just wanted to protect you
Please stop promising me these things that you can never keep I've already sacrificed so much for you I'm not willing to lose

I cant go back to those nights that we stayed up,
Looking at the stars outside your bedroom window.
And all those city lights you said looked so beautiful,
I said the same but I was looking at you.

Now all I see is the white painted ceiling of my room.
The sun it comes and goes but it doesn't shine through my windows.
Now all I see is the blank expression of my face,
Staring in the mirror at the waste of your space.

You don't even want me around.
Now I'm nowhere to be found.
When I lost you, I lost myself.
I still have our pictures on my shelf.

I'll tell myself that it's okay.
It's okay.

I know you're moving on,
To brighter days, if the sun shines.
I wish I could say I could do the same.
But I don't see the end, I never see it.

I never found a home for me yet.
I just search for something to be different
But people like you only set me back
I don't even see why I still put up with your ****.

Don't wanna get in your way now and stop your forward progress.

When I stand on the back porch of my house
Where you used to smoke your cigarettes
I swear I can still smell the smoke in the air
It makes me choke cause I know you're gone now

Why does it matter whether I'm your seed or not?
You tried so hard to get rid of me
As if I was some kind of disease you caught
The way they look at you is not the same person I see

And you should know that not all diseases go away
They may be out of your system but they never leave your head
The thought itself will always be there to stay
Fight it all you want it will still make you sick as it spreads

I guess this is why you look down on me
As if I was some kind of ******* burden
Because I just can't bring myself back
To ever trusting you or anyone else again

I will keep my head up high with or without you
The mistakes you made aren't worth the efforts I've been through
Why do I even try to fight these thoughts that I cross?
I'm still your genetic trait that you know nothing of

Again and again you would continue to fail me
Not only as a role model but as the Father you're suppose to be
You'll always be a failure in my eyes
Your actions have gotten to the point where they come as no surprise

I still cringe at the thought of being your offspring
Because it reminds me of the pain and suffering
That you put me through day after day
If there was anything at all you taught me it was some people never change

So why can't you just stay away from me?
Why can't you just stop coming to me to confess these things
That I already knew you have been hiding
I don't want to hear anything from you if you're going to continue with your false honesty

You will never understand
What it's like to come from someone so full of fear
How can you even call yourself a man?
When after all my cries for guidance you were never here

I would rather see you act out your traits
Than ever have you tell me the ******* you think I want to hear
I just hope we got this one thing straight
That my thoughts my thoughts on this will never be clear

So tell me what is the point in trying to reason with you
When you have no idea what kind of thing you put me through
These thoughts of hatred grow inside me as I continue to live
You left me to fend for myself and that's something I can't forgive

It is just as hard for me as it is for you to explain
But the main difference between you and me Is my mental stability either way we are still connect strain
So tell me which of us is the one who's truly insane

If you are so proud of your dominance then why aren't we alike?
I hope your ego is recessive because my patience can't sit tight
I'll never know what it is like to have such a heart so low
But I know one thing for sure, I will never let this go

I guess I will never know
What it's like to be so cold
As I have portrayed you
But unlike you at least I have values

Because you will never change
You will always be the same
Person that left me when I was too
Young to remember and that's no excuse

You'll never know how much I need you
Because you never cared at all
I wish that I could say I miss you
But I'm not sure of the last time thought was recalled

I have no interest to see
The new man you've come to be
After learning so much on my own
Take this stress off of my heads
I can't hold this much weight in my chest
Then you'll see what it's like to be alone

I don't need you
As much as you don't need me
You'll never see the good things I do
Or how much I succeed

I've already accomplished many things that were great
That were done without any of your help
If there's anything about you I'm grateful for it's that you taught me
To be able to learn things myself