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  Aug 2019 Akira Chinen
Where Shelter
your thoughts and prayers ****
highly ineffective,
bluntly,
they are defective
ain’t rendering no mo’ to god
and his good old timey thing,
righteous slaughtering of the innocents,
such fun for what does He care

what we got to do is do
something about on it earth,
time has come up,
the hurricane has begun,
and world is shaking from the movements in our bones,
for now is the hour
when we sail to the shore,
and until we are done,
the sun will not respect our faces

accept this introspective invective,
politely keep them guttural BS noises to yourself,
you know who’s the guilty ones,
that would be me and you

write to the congressmen,
who have been shot,
asking what ya got, forever protection,
the crazies know where you live,
state senators from places they don’t you represent,
all that we adjudged them lazy guilty, guilty of laziness,
and don’t forget to add a p.s.

we adjudge ourselves guilty as well,
too many knew in advance, the dangerous ones, who were
lurking, them waiting, us in desperation hoping,
it wouldn’t be happening then delaying one more time
all over again

”Oh the foes will rise
With the sleep in their eyes
And they'll **** from their beds and think they're dreamin'
But they'll pinch themselves and squeal
And know that it's for real
The hour that the ship comes in.

Then they'll raise their hands
Sayin' we'll meet all your demands
But we'll shout from the bow your days are numbered
And like Pharaoh's tribe
They'll be drownded in the tide
And like Goliath, they'll be conquered.”
(Bob Dylan)

8/4/19 12:10
there is no shelter anywhere from madness for the madness
is ours, inside, and we have learnt to live with it’s reoccurring.
Why?
Akira Chinen Aug 2019
Life is a beautiful vicious cycle
of love and pain
and I want to feel it all
let me fall when I fal
let it be terrifying as hell
let it make me tremble
from the first time
my fingers brush hers
to our first kiss
to our last kiss

and when it ends
let the pain break me
let me grieve my dead heart
and all its broken pieces
let me cry hard
and long into the night
let me be sleepless
and dreamless
fill me with despair
let me wish to forget my name
but never her smile

and when I am whole again
when I stitch myself back together
when I can breath again
let my breath be stolen
one more time
let me find love again
bigger than the sunrise
fuller than the moon
holier than the first god
and more alive than the last one

let it shake me until my bones are dust
and I am nothing but a shy
and quivering heart in a new palm

and if it ends again
let me break as never before
let me grieve as I did
the first time I was broken

pathetically and dramatically

let me feel it all
all of the beautiful pain
the vicious cycle of love and loss

why else are we here
if not to weep
if not to crumble in rapture
if not to feel it all
all of it
Akira Chinen Aug 2019
I am the unwritten dictionary definition
  of damaged goods
I have so much baggage
  that I lose the airport
there isn’t a single spot on my heart
that doesn’t have a stitch or a scare
I have become so comfortable
in my solitude
that I no longer remember
what it feels like to be lonely

how absurd is it to feel lonely
nearly eight billion people on the planet
and yet we can feel so isolated
and disconnected from one another
that we dare let our hearts
be taken hostage by loneliness

that we let the breath
of the moment be stolen
let words die in our throats
before they leave our mouths
as if we had nothing to say

to each other

to our selves

self inflected wounds caused by
the doubts we plant
in the dying gardens of our own minds
happiness nothing but a wooden quote
framed and hanging on our walls
mocking us
laughing at us

love nothing but a mask
so we can feel normal
sitting side by side
while our hearts drift
farther and farther apart

form each other

from our selves

how often does the past
****** the present
how much damage does yesterdays pain
carry into today

when will I let go of the names and the ghosts
that steal what might be joyful
when will I let it all burn down to cinder and ash
and exhale all of the smoke
that is nothing more than regret and fear

when will I take back today

when will I rewrite my own definition

of who i am

who I want to become

who will I be when this body
is lowered into the ground

someone too afraid
to have lived

too afraid
to have loved

or someone who had lived
someone who had loved

will death notice my departure
or will I have been dead
before I had died

how long will I let my solitude
be so comfortable
that I forget to feel lonely
Akira Chinen Jul 2019
I wish I could pull you into my heart
so you could see
how beautiful you make it feel
how it has found heaven
here in this breathing moment

and if you could just feel this
this heart beating as your own
that never again in your life
would you have to question
what true love feels like
because true love
feels like you
Akira Chinen Jul 2019
who are we without are ****** egos
without are overindulgent narcissism
without are overinflated *****
in our own mouths
swallowing our own pride

how many selfies will it take
before we know our selfs
how much self pride will it take
before we realize we have nothing
to be prideful for

nothing more than civilized savages
of casual cruelty

so quick to anger
so willing to hate
so willful to ignorance

so blind to love

love

the only thing that makes
our miserable existence worthwhile
the only thing that makes our suffering
worth breathing through

yet we sit blind gazing
at our brief moments of eternity

trusting the lust of our eyes
over the truth of our hearts

giving into the desire
of instant gratification
to avoid the fear of being alone
the desperation of feeling lonely

pretending to know love
as we sit side by side
while drifting miles apart
strangers speaking different languages

smiling through the pain
******* away the time
as our flesh erodes
as our bones weaken
as our hearts fade away
from what we could become

how hollow is the echo
of what was once the song
of our hearts
how shallow of a river bed
have we made of our blood
is there anything but oxygen
filling our empty lungs and

if we let go of our egos
if we threw away our vulgarity

what would we find
what would we become

if we closed our eyes
and saw with our hearts
would we feel then
that we could be beautiful
without the cruelty of our narcissism
Akira Chinen Jul 2019
I miss so much of my old life...
old friends...
old lovers...
old what might have been...

but I was never brave...
so shy..
shy...
as the sin and sign of something ******...
i miss her lips that where...
the best of the days of long ago...
I miss the lips I never kissed...
the best of what might have been...

and I must apologize...
for running...
for running so far from friends...
so far from family...
because of a foolish heart...
a heart that I was equally to blame for breaking...

and it should not be so odd...
looking back...
the hindsight...
yet I curse my youth...
my younger self...
had it all...
before it knew gratitude...

has it all now...
but is to afraid too express itself...
what are fools other than pawns of repetition...

and how lucky am I...
to know love again...
to meet it more deeply...
to recognize it once more in my lungs...

to know its beauty...

its perfection...

what else matters...
what a cruel unmeaning less thing
we have made out of life...
how thoughtless we have become
in the seeking of intelligence...
how useless is knowledge
when it knows nothing of love...

and here I sit...
useless...
trying to deny...
trying to hide...
what I know...
is the only thing...

the only thing that knows beauty...
the only thing that knows perfection...
the only thing that knows love...
that knows love...
love is the only thing...
the only thing...
that can keep...
that can make...
our foolish life’s...
worth living
Akira Chinen Jul 2019
You’re going to have to
break my heart soon

we both know that

and thats ok

I always knew this was the only path
we would travel if I dared walk it
if I dared expose my heart
if I dared tell the truth
of how I felt
how long I have felt this way

I hope you know
I will still feel this way
I will not curse your name
I will not be angry
I will not walk away
from what we have built

if I were to grow angry at your rejection
if I were to be spiteful
that would only make me a liar
that would only expose my feelings
as nothing more than a lewd desire

you are more than beauty
more than light
more than inspiration
how did fate cross our paths
how was I deemed worthy
of your presence

I am not worthy to love you

but hopelessly I do

and always will

even after the inevitable
breaking of my heart
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