You’re going to have to
break my heart soon

we both know that

and thats ok

I always knew this was the only path
we would travel if I dared walk it
if I dared expose my heart
if I dared tell the truth
of how I felt
how long I have felt this way

I hope you know
I will still feel this way
I will not curse your name
I will not be angry
I will not walk away
from what we have built

if I were to grow angry at your rejection
if I were to be spiteful
that would only make me a liar
that would only expose my feelings
as nothing more than a lewd desire

you are more than beauty
more than light
more than inspiration
how did fate cross our paths
how was I deemed worthy
of your presence

I am not worthy to love you

but hopelessly I do

and always will

even after the inevitable
breaking of my heart

If you saw her heart
you might mistake it for gold
but I know it is the color of sunlight
lemons and tangerines
the sweet blood of honey
the song of the first morning bird

when god asked for light
it was her who split open her ribs
and it was the radiance of her heart  
that filled all that was once dark
and when god saw her
god trembled in awe
and wept the first tears of joy

and where gods tears fell
all the  dreams of love
and all the dreams of beauty
fell from those tears
and they swam out
into the empty cosmos

it is there in her chest
where the sun gets it color
where all light is born
from her heart
made out of sunshine
lemons and tangerines

filling what is empty
lighting what is black
giving dreams of love
giving dreams of beauty
giving meaning to everything
giving meaning to life
all life

I wish...

I wish I could share this with you...
I wish I could tell you how absolutely miserable I have become...
how wonderfully painful it has been...
and that I hope I will never quite be as intoxicated as I am now...

how strange a thing love can be...
to fill our hearts with such a melancholy joy...
to make us feel so wonderful in our chests
that we cry because we are
overburdened with happiness...

what a strange creatures we are...
how absolutely absurd of a species...
to sometimes find ourselves so in love that we become afraid...
afraid of something that feels so beautiful...
sounds so sweet humming in our hearts...
how can we fear a thing that can turn silence
into an orchestra within our blood and marrow...
that we would deny the majestic paradise
and heavenly garden it causes to bloom within our bones...

how is it that we can pray to an empty sky for redemption
in hopes of some eternal bliss in another life...
that we can pray to an unknown god
to treat us kindly after death...
yet waste our true potential while we are here
breathing for such a short and insignificant time
within the living moments of eternity...

that we fail to give our all to love...
our all to each other...
that we too often find ourselves barely able to whisper...
to softly utter under our breathes...
or say a single thing...
about the love we know is beating wildly
and carefree inside our very pulse...

I wish...

I wish I could share this with you...
that I have become a small boy inside again...
so perfectly and shyly obsessed with your beauty...
so curious of the warmth and light of your kindness...
so mesmerized by the humming of your heart...
heaven must be made from the sounds
echoing from within the light of your soul...
how hypnotic the music of your footsteps...
how elegant the harmony of your silence...
and what of the cosmic opera that plays so softly
from the caramel swirls of your eyes...
what a lovely song you are...

i wish...

i wish I could be the reason and inspiration
for your heart to feel this kind of misery...
this kind of wonderful pain...
to make it wish it would never be this intoxicated again...
to know love in all its strange bewildering beautiful truths...
for our hearts to be mirrors reflecting
the same endless love to each other...
for each other...

how kind has fate already been...
to have let my path cross with yours...
to let my heart feel such

a wonderful

miserable

painful love...
that I find myself wishing myself brave...
wishing myself young again...
wishing that I could share this with you...

one of these days before
there is no light left in my eyes
no movement in my chest
no air to exit my lungs
I will tell you how I fell  

maybe you already known

I will tell you how you made
my heart a happy place
with the time we spent
in the same rooms

how you turned earthly moments
into heavenly breaths
by showing me your heart
made out of sunshine

and how brightly and beautifully
your heart inspired my own
to know and feel love
beyond any I would have
dared hoped for
dreamt of
or possible imagined

how every moment with you
was a gift I could never
be grateful enough for
a debt beyond any
I could repay in this life

and that when
there is no light left in my eyes
no movement in my chest
no air to exit my lungs

that my heart will remember...

it will remember the light and beauty
of your sunshine heart
and all the love you inspired it
to know and feel

too many of us waste the day
looking for answers to questions
we have completely forgotten

we are lost out on a road
that is going nowhere
we sleep in beds
that are dreamless

we fill our hearts
with artificial sweetener
because we fear being alone
our bodies sit side by side
while our minds drift off
to separate worlds
and we define this as love

strangers to each other
strangers to ourselves

we ignore our true passions
our true desires
afraid of the fire
afraid of letting our blood
bleed through our chests
afraid of the only thing
we shouldn’t fear

the true beauty of love

and if we could face our fear
what would we find
what questions would we ask
if we found ourselves in front of

the true beauty of love

would we have any questions
or would we only have the answer
to a question that
never had to be asked
that never dared wander
through the chambers of our hearts
the hallways of our minds

then were would
this road take us
what dreams would
we find in our beds

what would we become
if we filled our lives
our lungs
our hearts
with the true beauty of love

and it happens
as it has before

love

beautiful
sharp
deadly

just a brief glimpse

my heart rejoices even though
it knows it will soon break
and even then as all the pieces sink
into the pit of my gut
into the nausea of my tears
each shattered chamber
will sing your name softly

there is no cruelty here
only the kindness
of what makes you beautiful
an undeniable inspiration of love
the sun of your heart
causing flowers to bloom
in the cavity of my chest

even if only for an hour
an hour that will last through eternity
be remembered after time crumbles
live long after I have been buried
and my name forgotten
by the wind and the trees

this love will follow me
will live with me
from this life
into what ever lies
in waiting in the next
into the unknown
the unknowable

and with this love
whatever I may meet and find
I will greet it with a smile
and i will show it this love
and it will say in all the truth
it has to offer
that it is the most beautiful thing
it has ever seen

love...

what else in this world
in this life
in our short existence here

tell me
what else makes
any of this worthwhile

how many illusions do we chase
how often do we uselessly spend our time
running endlessly as if time has no end
leaving today unused as we wait
for tomorrow to become
another tomorrow
yet always leaving tomorrow
as empty as we left today

is your heart just keeping
a dead carcass alive
is it just beating to push
stagnant blood through your veins
what moved you today

was it love

or did you just go through the motions

what purpose did your breath have
what did you breath in
what did you exhale

was it love

or was it just a waste of breath

love is as simple
as a flower blooming
a child scrapping their knee
a leaf aged and falling from a tree
an ant marching
and it is always there
but somehow we leave it
unnoticed on the sun rays
we fail to smell it
cooling on our windowsills
to feel it in the marrow
of our own bones

how often do we deny it
do we deny it from ourselves
do we turn from it in fear
fear of its beauty
fear of its pain
fear of its fragility

its vulnerability

when will we learn
that in this world
in this life
in our short existence here

it is the only thing
that makes it all worthwhile