Falling down a rabbit hole
Deeper than I had ever dreamed
I fear this is my story
A once normal life from what it seemed

I live a life of deception
Afraid to tell the truth
I have no true recollection
Of who I once I was, because I washed it all away

I never answer to my name
For now I only go by Kay
It seems alien to me when someone says it
I wish it would just go away

I hurt the ones I love
When I begin to fall
Because when they try to help me
I try and take it all

All I am is selfish
Blinded by my own greed
Pretending to be selfless
Feeding off of those who succeed

And when you are done with me
I'll just go make some new friends
That shower me in pity
Until that next friendship ends

Because my life is falling
In a downward spiral
And I don't have much time left
Before my own health disease takes it all

a senseless **** is still a **** to give and to give of myself, so kindly, is the nicest thing I could ever do for anyone and sometimes I swear I feel the pulse of every evil thing a woman could possibly feel pulsing through the bulbs of my thighs and quickening the thrills of my braced heart as my mind darkens against the sun of you. the night your lips uttered my name, I walked back down every path I ever crossed to get to you and picked up every cigarette **** I ever tossed in hopes that you'd one day look at my will to pick up our past, no matter how ill we were, and still see the beauty in its uselessness. you'll always understand me as crazy baby just like you, and maybe that's why I'll always love you. it'll always be understood that my cigarettes will taste of Bourbon like my lips, liquid to your breath, like Vaseline on your fingertips. anyone with a certain blackness in their eyes holds my intrigue much like how anyone with a certain lightness to their feet trips up my heart, hopefully because they'll always leave me, most likely because they know I won't chase, definitely because they know I'll always want to.

one of these days I'm gonna say something crazy like I like you and you'll do something crazy like stay.

I love everything. I once told a lie so naturally that I began to thin of angst and anxiety. I wonder if you've ever had good times. Seems silly that we persist within the bad when everything could be so good.

Sometimes I wish I never knew you,
sometimes you're all I know.

he has his demons of his own.
he has to, kind as he is-
to have fallen for something
as cruel as you.

i spend my days now counting til you, morning glory's cactii-ed to my tongue, goosebump ridden and hungry for some distant memory to bring me back down, if the early spring sun was to stop glowing, maybe that's be a start, but it beams innocence down my lungs and through the pours of my skin. Your eyes shine as though an angel lives between the thin realms of your mind and your soul and right there, inter-mixed between it all, I can't seem to help but hope to live, am I greedy enough now, because according to me, it's seems like this is all this is.

Love is like a cigarette
It starts with a spark
Warm, bright, and addicting
But eventually burns out
My heart always ends up as the ash tray