What will I be like
if I ever reached
100 years of age?

I imagine myself
wealthy
married
successful
on the brink of death

I've painted one hundred paintings
made one thousand crafts
pictured ten thousand things
that have brought forth value
to the world

I don't think I would have found the one
maybe he would come naturally
like so many stories
of how husbands and wives found each other
or maybe
I'd be with a woman
cause' my sexuality has changed
over time

And what is successful to me
is achieving my dreams
creating music
taking back control of my life
finding love
being independent
and being free

A human
so lost
wondering
through a forest
finds
a bright
little fairy,
so beautiful and small.

She makes a wish
that she
will be beautiful
free
powerful
and radiant
and find her way
back to her kingdom
but nothing happens.

Instead,
she sits there,
on the trunk she saw the fairy,
before it disappeared.

She closes her eyes,
and cries a bit
engrossed by
the peaceful darkness
she sees spirals of colors
she sees a prince
that is pink and blue
she hears a voice
"you are beautiful"
"you are radiant"
she is filled with light

I am powerful.
I am free.

She feels tall
like a castle
filled with echoes and rooms,
cobwebs and bats,
she feels loud.

She feels strong, and heavy,
like strong bricks
ancient, made from long ago
she feels like
she has existed forever.

Her presence expands
she is everything
she is giant
she is huge
but that little voice
in her head
the one that guided her
it is meek,
it is small,
it is bold,
it is a fairy.

my whole life
flashes in my mind
the war is over
i'm just the aftermath

i'm just the victim
four years later
i'm just the blown up buildings
being reconstructed

i'm just
the starving kid
accepting that she'll never be fed

i'm just
a person
in a dark room
typing on a screen

i'm just
miserable
i'm just
angry

and i'm just
alone

Anger is not real
Just a combustion
Of different colors
A bomb
Of pain
Sadness
Stress
Trauma
Bottled up
Emotions
Exploded
Inside me

All at once
And my anger
Tells the story
Of everything that came before
And put together the ragged boat
That hit tall spiky rocks
And drowned under tsunamis

The confusion
Emptiness
Loss
Trying to figure out
My way through life.

People tell me I'm mot,
But I am alone
When I am down,
No one will pick me up
No one will save me
When I am lost,
No one will find me
When I cry,
No one wipes my tears
When I am heartbroken,
No one will mend my heart
When I am alone,
No one will ease my solitude.
When I am at my worst,
No one will love me

That's how I feel about you
When you hurt me
When you lied to me
When you insulted me
When you used me
When you manipulated me
When you made fun of me
When you broke my heart
When you made all of it my fault
When you told all your friends
You were cutting me out of your life
When you called me a ******* monkey

And now you wanna be friends?

I have nothing left to feel
Theres no more tears to cry
I am always in a rut
Trying to carve my ******* way out
And I am angry

Rotting away in my mind
feel like an empty acorn
always falling behind
feel like losing connection
my body is limp
my tongue is dry
im lying in the dark
waiting to die

rotting away, is my mind
i cant leave the past behind
constantly haunted by
the emptiness

im a loser
im a chore
im a ******
im a *****

im broken
im done
i dont know
what ive become
numb

rotting away in my mind
like an apricot
feels so slow
and makes no money

when i awaken
with a fresh mind
the machine
revvs itself up
i spend my days in isolation
a wasted life
just ignore
the voices in your head
they'll all stop
when you'll soon be dead
in this world
it's **** or be killed
all the darkness
has to be filled
with daemons

i feel the decay
i look so pristine
i can't describe the grime
i call my 'feelings'
i'm heavy all the time
a cloud of burden
and with hopeful eyes
i gaze at the window
my body and bones is aching for sun
my cold empty heart
is aching for love
whatever you give me
is just not enough
i'm a modern zombie
in a healthy mold
tears pulse through me
just like blood
i mean nothing
no one reaches out
i breathe, and move,
yet i still doubt
that i am alive
being alive is a feeling
and it's foreign to me now
ever since i got bitten by a dracula
i'm rotting inside, a black hive
and wasps in my dreams
when life is a dangerous virtual reality
i get lost in my dreams

they take so long to become real

I genuinely hate you.

Id rather dig my grave and have a place to stay, rather than wandering around aimlessly
Someone please tell me what pill I can take
So I can die painlessly
I dont ever think ill heal from what you did,
Our love is a child that died young, and never got a chance to live

Hunger feels like emptiness
Is it in my stomach or in my soul?
Either way, id feel empty
The loneliness swallows me whole
Everything i have is worthless
Everything i want is far
You dont know you left me broken
Burning inside like a star
I wish i could **** myself
Just to stop feeling this pain
But ill just go to hell
And life after death would be the same

Id rather dig my grave and have a place to stay, rather than wandering around aimlessly
Someone please tell me what pill I can take
So I can die painlessly
I wish that i could be happy, and live life shamelessly
I dont ever think ill heal from what you did,
Our love is a child that died young, and never got a chance to live

Can't say that I'm glad
that you don't know what we had,
is it something good or bad?
I find myself becoming mad.

In our past life, and in our future
I would've gave you so much more
since you wanna penny pinch with your heart,
I'll take nothing more.

Take me away,
from this terrible place,
can't understand how this is made of love
and I know we'll never make love.

I wanna take take care of you
I wanna share with you
all of my love
all of my joy

and touch your hair
look into your eyes
your skin so fair
I'm mesmerized

this feeling is a rush for me
I know that that is chemical
but really, it's the love for me
I am not bound physically

I'll love you when my *** drive is high
and till' I'm old and till I die'
I'll love you at my highs and lows
you're my best friend— you mean the most.

blasting music in my ears
having triggers for some years
the same guy its the same guy
its not the same lows
or the same highs
i think i'm in hell
in earth i see the same sky
but not all that well
someone blast me with a bullet
someone stab me with a knife
my thoughts are getting darker
and i'm not acting very wise
i kinda like the fact
that it takes every part of me
to take myself a part
and create a new life
i'm giving birth to myself
over and over again
dying in a hospital
as a clone, a copy
when they do a biopsy
they'll see a bunch of gods
grouped together
i might blast myself
with some pills
tried to do it
tried to ****
when you blocked me
the 400th time
we're opposites
but the same
twin flames
barbed wire
melted   a bit.

I hate it
I am
A perfectionist
In the worst way
Possible.

Trying to go
Back in time
To restart my life
And make everything perfect.

Trying to fix other people
And make them perfect.
I dont know
How to stop.

I dont want to be
Who I am.

Elephant me
Elephant you
Elephant she,
Elephant you, who?

I'm the elephant in this room
In a cage

**** and blood
On the floor
Bang my head against the doors
Metal bars and peanut shells
For an elephant, it's a living hell.

Fleshy beasts
Sit and stare
I'm having a nightmare, I'm scared
I'm the elephant within this cage
Kids think I'm fluffy and that I don't rage.

No ***, no sleep,
This is how they keep me.
The drugs are the only thing that make me sleepy
But the humans are the only ones who are sleeping,
And other elephants are the only ones worth seeing

If I'm not reading, I'm too busy weeping
My blood, sweat, and tears, they keep cleaning

I'm too stressed out to start eating
And they whip me in the knees,
I'm a weakling.

Getting thin,
Growing old,
Iron's hot,
But I'm cold
Breathing in
Dust and mold
Party hat
Feeling bold

Elephant me
Elephant you
Elephant she,
Elephant you, too?

I'm an animal,
And a clown.
And my skin's not the only thing that's gray
And brown.

I look down
My heart pounds
I cant hear the sound, I'm deaf
And I can barely take a breath
Cause the air is thin like death
But I'm a wearing a pretty wreath


EYEBROWS
BRAIN COLLAPSE
FLASHING LIGHTS
BARS BENT
CANDY
FENTANYL
CIRCUMVENT
MONKEYS SCREAM
PEOPLE HAVE ***
M&MS
SYNONYMS
INDIVIDUALS
IDIOMS
IDIOTS
PENDULUMS
TIME SWINGING
GRANDFATHER CLOCK
SOMEDAY
I'LL BE FREE
A SUNDAY
MY ELEPHANT
MAN WITH ME
ONE KID
AND A BALLOON
ELEPHANT DEATH, SHE DIES TOO SOON
AMAZON
POSTERCARD
ELEPHANT STICKER BREAKS HER HEART
ELEPHANT MAN
ELEPHANT KIN
BRAIN TINY, SKIN TIN
ELEPHANT ME,
ELEPHANT YOU
ELEPHANT SHE
ELEPHANT TOO.

ELEPHANT FREE.

when you stare
pay attention
when you think
when you act

are you aware
of this dimension
into metaphysical reality

i feel it all
i live within duality
a know it all
and i know i get distracted

and i say lifes not fair
but i want to be proactive
because i really do care

even if its only for a moment
and i feel fear
and i feel empty,
and i shed tears

now is the moment
to think about the years
into the future
where i'll disappear

do you care?
if you really do care,
why don't you act?
and you say you do act,

why don't you try?
i know the lie
i know i live
in a completely separate life

My love
Come back to me
Im sorry for
Running away in tears,
And I don't know what to expect.

If I talked to you,
Would you welcome me with open arms?
Would you say the same things you said before?
I know you don't love me anymore

Oh, my love,
It's the only thing I've ever wanted
And not having it leaves me haunted
Im turning into a sunflower, getting jaundice
Turning colorful, turning yellow

Getting sick and becoming mellow
Tell your lover I said "Hello"
I'll stay watching from my meadow
While you and her settle
Im blowing steam like a kettle
I'm so hot for you babe

My love
Please come back to me
I miss the snickering,
And the bickering
And the times you made me mad

But I remember the lying,
And the crying,
And the times you made me sad

But oh how I miss the good days,
The average days,
No they weren't so bad.

And yes, I am truly mad.

Because I still love you
And adore you
Like the time never passed.

I can't leave the past in the past,
Oh, please just come back.

simple
a story told time and time again
a classic
a repetitive renaissance
of the same old thing
i'd like to break the boundary if this box.

killing it like a guillotine.
which is not contemporary at all

i don't write for fun
when my germy fingers hit the keys,
i say "this is the one"
this is the best thing coming out of me

you are the one
the coolest grime
the dirtest blood
the grittiest slime

you're mine,
sometimes i possess you
and in my life
you know i'm obsessed with you
it's a competition
i always tried to best you
be your best self.
be the best you.

you put such a cruel mixture
within me
of hatred, love, and envy
and ****** desire
and blood, and lust
and dirt, and bones,
and bodies, and dust

cause' it's gettin' so old
and i'm gettin' so old
too old for this
or so i'm told
i'm still young
but i bite my tongue
because sooner or later
i'll be lyin' on my death bed

and you're a cruel mixture
that killed me
that poisoned me
and distilled me

let me imperfect
let me be wild
let me be a-crazy-little-19-year-old-child
let me be rotten
let me be impure
let me be the dead ocean bodies under the shore

are you shore?
that you want this
i'm  ilmy ickly bicky tricky little slime
i'm halfway dead and halfway alive
i'm a sharky starky darky quiet little trick
i'm the melted candle with a burnt wick

****, let it be..
****, let it be..
****, let it be..
****, let it be..

let me be *****
let me drool
let me crave,
let me break the rules
let me be your slave
let me run
like stale blood
in the winter sun

are you shore?
that you want this
i'm a germy little squirmy little cut up worm
i live in the dirt and sleep in the grime
i'm a slimy little limey little blicky flicky bug
let me chew on your marrow
and **** on all your blood

****, let it be..
****, let it be..
****, let it be..
****, let it be..

let me on my journey
let me be cool
let me be different
like a pink *** mule
let be myself
let me be you
cause i say the things you say
and do the things you do

****, let it be..
****, let it be..
****, let it be..
****, let it be..

Feeling like a black slime
is it criminal,
if in my room alone?
and no one is here to see
my mom wonders
what's wrong with me
she gave birth to a deviant
and I can only deceive the world for so long
there's nowhere I belong
I should put it in a song
sitting here, starving out
at least I'm healing slowly
thinking about if everyone in the world was dead
judgement day, coming now
hell and heaven, coming down
nothing left to do
but
die
and go to hell
I'll burn forever
for not praying
I'll burn forever

fake me
i read the words on the screen
through other peoples eyes
i tell myself i'm being authentic
like everyone else,
i lie

but i don't know who i am
i'm feeling middle-aged
and my sexuality and soul
is feeling pretty caged

i'm feeling pretty fake
so fake me
mistake me
misplace me
or take me
away

somewhere far with all my things
i wanna be a stray
i wanna make love in an open land
and run my fingers through the sand
no one in this world will understand
me except my man

people feel
and i feel
and they like the fact that i am real
broken barbie bruised skin
beautiful without, beautiful within
if you are abused with awareness,
spread your truth if you aren't careless
our minds are all that's left, old minds are all that's left

this world is a crooked fantasy
bent broken rust with busted teeth,
yellow, crooked, and miss-sized eyes
narcissists and ***** prizes
hurt people hurt people
and i don't care at all
if you don't learn from hurting me
it's another fist straight to your jaw

cause self-defense is different from abuse
and we haven't all healed
so please be gentle with the language that you use
and the soft truth will be revealed

all we really need is love
and to love each other
because that 10 out of 10 perfect Ken,
is so ****** up inside
he'll use you over and over again
coming and increasing his void

and everyone feels pain
but you still have a status
and you don't suffer like us at the bottom
so please humble yourself
give us **** poor beggers some shiny coin
with your face pressed into it

i'm going to create for myself
in my dystopian little world
inside my head, i'm a little girl
toes pointed in a dance
and our romance can last forever
cause when love works
and love is happy
it really is a fairy tale
have you ever seen a fairy's tail
wiggle when she's happy?

scrappy, scrappy
everything is so ******
so i take the metal
and make me a drum
i can cook up some trash beats
and feed my people
and dance to the music
i need my people

this is what poetry gives me
a community
i can be a weird outlet
years of weird words
that somewhat rhyme in my head
and others like it
somehow
im so fantastical
it's all to me
like a song that doesn't rhyme
but makes me feel so good

people feel
and i feel
and they like the fact that i am real
broken barbie bruised skin
beautiful without, beautiful within
if you are abused with awareness,
spread your truth if you aren't careless
our minds are all that's left, old minds are all that's left

A beauty
with curves
and skin
brown
like the earth
mixed with clay
and her eyes
shaped like big almonds
with eyelashes
like black butterflies
fluttering
on her face
her ******* are milky
her waist
is wide
her hips
are even
with a gap
between her thighs
her lips
are luscious
she kills
with her smile
her gaze
is deadly
her legs
are long
she looks
like a painting
she walks
with grace
her flesh
is glowing
the world
is erased
when she dances
its hyponotizing
when she stops
time freezes
with her playful feet,
and her hands so neat,
she flirts
and teases.

i will always love you
always forgive you
and never forget you

because you are my best friend

they appear
like giant black specs
in the corner of my eyes
peeking behind doors
hiding under beds
they are our fear
we do not feel
they are the pain
we shove, hide,
and push away
they are the black holes
in our minds

glass shards in my bed
reflect my body and skin
make me bleed and itch
broken memories in my head

We see each other through
A glass wall
Its fragile,
I know it all
The things you did to me
The lies you said
And fake apologies
Messages unsent

Things left unsaid
Cause all you do is hurt me
You dont deserve me
You only desert me
And I lash out at you
For everything you did
But you know thats its true
I know what you hid

I know your secret

I know your lie

I know you seek

I know you spy

I know your pain

I know your weakness

It keeps me up at night

Nows the time
To seek me out
If youre thinking about it
Come see me now
Your name, I shout
Inside my head
Heres the green light
Just go ahead.

happiness is not chemicals running through me

or lustful desires

happiness is simple

happiness is not hedonic

true happiness comes after a long day of work

when all those things on your to-do list is finally done

and you get to relax

I feel so happy

You saved me from my pain
by filling up my heart
with a love plastic and fake
that quickly fell apart

Our empire of love
was built upon a lie
But I love you still,
and that love will never die

You were my hero,
and I was your zero
You were my trophy,
and I was your prize

I wanted to keep you, always wanted to be near you
but I was an object inside of your eyes.
Your lies were crystal, in my rear mirror,
I was secret that you bled to hide

You were my lover, my one and only,
but I was a shadow in the shape of your lust.
I was so young, and I am naive
been too many years, yet I still stand to grieve

I always wear my heart on my sleeve
and you grab my wrist to prey on me;
I have no one to pray to
and although in this world I am free,

you are the one I'm a slave to
my childhood belief is that you'll set me free,
although you search for someone to save you
what a dangerous thing to have made you.

Part of what makes me so attracted to you
is the feeling i get of nostalgia
of what it felt like to be myself
before you ripped me to shreds.

and i know we both feel
the highs and lows
the sweet sugar crashes
and i'm so addicted to you
but so afraid
that maybe you'd put
the magical rollercoaster at a halt.

i'm insane,
and it's all in my head
but when i feel that nostalgia
i really wanted you

a flash, a *** scene,
of hot steamy love
flashed in a head
for a second.

following them around
cause i really love their sound
it's not an obsession,
but it's just the start..

can you feel my pain?
it's driving me insane
the way your pretty make up
changes my heart

i wanna sleep next to you
i wanna *** you
it's so hard to listen to your music now
cause i need you to be with me
the way you make me feel
behind the screen

you're the hottest celebrity
i need you to have *** with me
i want you to be with me
in my dreams and fantasies

when i was crying
i swear to god
you were talking to me through the music video
in my endless sobs
and my ex really hurt me
and my ex is gone
but that pretty *** makeup
is turning me on

hot online celebrity
im losing my integrity
i made fun of people
for being those kinds of fans
but the way you do it to me
musically ******* me
i know it's my hormones
i don't think that i can
control them anymore
cause i'm so alone
im about to text you
on my ******* phone
and just beg you
baby please
i've got a demiurge, a craving,
you for to feed

just **** me
in that
SICK ***
SWEET ATTIRE

you sing to me
so perfectly
and i'm on fire
your casting spells
and your witchcraft is working
on me

i'm gonna believe
i'm the only one
oh please
kimmy

come to me kimmy...
come to me kimmy
COME TO ME KIMMY
COME TO ME KIMMY!!!!!

Miserable

I don't want to see
the way you ignore me
after you use me
after I pass your thoughts
like I'm not alive
like I'm nothing
I want you
to delete
everything you wrote
I want you
to write poems of misery
of how guilty you feel
and even in those feelings
you're still
a selfish ***
*****.

i see eyes in the dark
i feel tears behind mine
i keep everything in
like a drunk
with the alcohol
in his liver
the world
in my head
is a flimsy hell
and this earh
we live on
is a flimsy paradise
you gotta build bricks
of scorching magma
to climb your way out

I was too young
for you
to be telling me
you loved me
when really
all you wanted
was a quick *******
and that girl
you cheated on me with..
you did love her
somewhat

but me
you never
gave
a single **** about me
you treated me like i was nothing
but a fly
perstering
you stupid
turmor filled
cancerous head
and 5 years later
i still hate you
just like i hated you
4 years ago.

i hold your image
inside of me
and burn it
inside my body
and i want you
to feel
all of my hatred
and all of my tears
i want you to feel
your burning image
like a witch
being burned
at the stake
i want you to burn too
i want us to both burn
you and i
are both in hell
and i'll never
let you escape
as long as i live
and i'll never let
any of your minions
escape your wrath
and even if i go down
i'm taking you with me
and i'm
never
ever
stopping
until
you
rot
and
die

There is no tomorrow

The present holds you closely

and with all your sorrow

it stands near to you mostly

avoidance, a parasite

and you are the host

you rely on the morning star

to gift you a bolt

when will we die?

we don't know

we rely on what's comfortable

days going by

one by one

sooner or later

death will come

our species
is so ******
smeared all
in feces
i got a soul
and existence
ima burst it open
like a diamond
my dreams are dark and intense
my goals are sharp and immense
my pain is heavy and dense
will something ever make sense?

i'm just an earthly alien
with some mitochondria
i just wanna blow guys up
i'm just different

what's inside of me
that they really want?
i'm the prey
and you're on the hunt

high level healing modal
productivity busyness mouse
i'm sick and tired of this house
and the earth is filled with trash

i'm just an earthly alien
with some mitochondria
experiencing major traumas
don't know what it's all about
until i'm ******* dead
till' then I'm just sick in the head

i am almost fully grown
although my soul is poorly sewn
there is not much that i own
i'm myself when i'm alone
i don't feel at home at home
in this lonely house i roam
i am not that girl
i am a whirlwind
i am a model
i am the engine
i am a throttle
i'm a magical trapped spirit
i'm a genie in a bottle
i am darkness, i am sad,
i am depressed, i am mad
but i am not that girl
that girl you once had
my innocence has run dry
my naivety is buried
over layers of affairs hurried
my brain is slightly scurried
my vision is kind of blurry
inside of the reflection
i am becoming human
lost touch with the connection
of the essence of what it meant
to be a child
i had no protection
a victim of erections
from boys that scour the internet
their mouths foaming wild
but i am not that girl
who is young and naive
and easily manipulated
i am not that girl
who is desperate
i am not that girl
who thinks she is worthless
i am a similar girl
but a different girl
i am not that girl anymore
i am
lonely
hurt
sad
broken
but i am
strong
i have a will
i am older
i am wiser
im
a little
more mature
i am slowly leaving
my past behind
because
i am not that girl anymore

i am still alive
and if i wasnt
you wouldnt know

i am that person you abused
i am that person you never loved or cared about
and i still exist
and i remember what you did to me
every single day

and if i did ever die
i would be at peace
because finally for once
i exist in a world
where you don't.

and i don't have to live
with your memories.

My stage stands strong in my head
my sorrow song sings in the noon
my beautiful mate is soon to swoon
we kiss underneath a full moon
i can't wait till i'm rich
i can't wait for the fame
i can't wait to make something out of nothing
and rub it in their face
i can't wait to show off
i can't wait to have it all
i can't wait to wreak havoc and make the whole world fall
at my knees
and the birds
and the bees
will sing all for me
i'm the queen
of the ring

A life full of tears.

when i was younger i
wanted to be like you

but now i want to just
go back to being myself
everything was perfect
before i brainwashed myself
to thinking you were

i did the things you did
i said the things you said
i trashed the core of my being
to fill myself with you
and now that's left me empty
feeling like trash
feeling used up

i feel like the color gray
i don't know who i am anymore
i can't trust what you say
i slowly get better day by
day i ignore the dismay
and fill myself up with
sunshine so that i am happy

with my life in a strange way.

How can I love someone
Loud
Abusive
Annoying
Toxic

I *******
Hate her

We never tell each other
"I love you"
she pulls me in
She has no boundaries
Im sick and tired
Of her

She made my life
Really ******* hard
But I feel bad for her
Not being able to leave
This disgusting marriage
And giving birth to all of us

I hate my ******* family
I wish my dad would leave
Everyone assumes I dont have one
And that shes a single mother
But since this
******* ******* broke *** ***
Doesnt do **** but work
And come home and watch TV
She might as well be.

Because housework isnt work, right?
even though he gets a break,
And she doesnt,
Hes more "hardworking" than her.
******* *******.
My dad
Is a lazy
Selfish ******* *****
Just like my ******* ex,
Both of them never change.

She
Is
So
*******
Weird.

I hate who she is.
Shes disgusting.
But she is like that
Because of trauma

Just
Like
Me.

Always have the slight fear
that you're watching me
your prescense doesn't disappear

To me, your shy voice is clear
whispering inside my ear
I want you closer, I feel you near

I want your hands on my skin
I want to feel your gentle lips
I feel you strong deep within

Can't get a grip, I let it slip.
I crave your essence, I need a sip
Your love's a wire, I always trip

You are gone
You don't know I'm here
I think I'll get used to it

When she sleeps
When she is sick
I am the quiet angel
That cleans the mess
And takes care of her
And feeds her breakfast
Sometimes

I like when she doesnt let herself go
I like how she is when my dad is gone
She leaves me alone
Just how I want to be
Our relationship is broken
And we try to love each other
Through distant ways

With that housekeeper look
She is ugly
But when she is free
Like a dove in flight
She is beautiful.

I have a lot of hatred
But I have to heal my family

Even though all of this has been said
I do not forgive her.

i remember
when you said
you were going to marry me
and i really thought
you were the one

death is a peaceful slumber
death is a painful end
death is a deep depression
death is at the bottom of the ocean
death is the solution to my problems
watching my body decay
broken and abused memories
this is not a place i want to say
tears fill my body
i'm headless, my throat is slit
i have things i can't say
and things i won't admit
my thoughts are ghostly demons
slicing me in half
but all that comes out is blood and tears
a salty, runny bath
no one to turn to to
nowhere to run
in my fantasies
we become one
i feel the sadness
evermore
and on the earth
i don't exist
i turn to dirt and bones
so no man will ever hurt me
and i die in the earth, alone
deserted as i always was.

i love you death...
i love you so much...
i am in love
with my pain
and my sadness...

i live in the past....
never to see the future...
of what my life would become...

no one coming to save me

My soul heavy, chasing material desires
Frustrated by the iron chains that hold me down
Heavy on me,
sinking me
into hot
scorching
magma.

As I try to become more and more God-like,
I get filled with more emptiness
more nothingness
I cremate
into ashes
and scatter across the void

I feel the horror
and anger
and fear
and whatever it is
and an inability to understand.

I feel paranoid
and confused
and just wished it was all clear

I feel stupid

And I'm sorry.