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Lizzie Matthias Jul 2019
I’m in the kitchen
I talk to my friend
As I drowned my if Nutella.
I wonder when Mother will get home.
Could it 2 hours
Will it be 20 minutes
Only time will tell,
But when she gets home  
I’ll give her “the look”
The look as if there’s something
Wrong in her head.
As I go off to bed I’ll think
Wondering if my mom was ok
Wondering if she was ok to drive home
Then I forget and rest my weary head.
By six again
Lizzie Matthias Jul 2019
The sky is blue.
But it’s late at night.
I say it’s magic.
You say it’s street lights. :/
Wrote this when 1 was laying in bed with me.
Lizzie Matthias Aug 2019
Time and time again,
We try
So hard.
But for no pay off.
evan buddy are you okay
Lizzie Matthias Jul 2019
I’m fine I’m fine
I’m fine I’m fine
I’m fine I’m fine
I’m fine I’m fine
I’m fine I’m fine
I’m fine I’m fine
I’m fine I’m fine
I’m fine I’m fine
I’m fine I’m fine
I’m fine I’m fine
I’m fine I’m fine
I’m fine I’m fine
I’m fine I’m fine
I’m fine I’m fine
I’m fine I’m fine
I’m fine I’m fine
I’m fine I’m fine
I’m fine I’m fine
I’m fine I’m fine
I’m fine I’m fine
I’m fine I’m fine
I’m fine I’m fine
I’m fine I’m fine
I’m fine I’m fine
I’m fine I’m fine
I’m fine I’m fine
I’m fine I’m fine
I’m fine I’m fine
I’m fine I’m fine
Im fine I’m fine

Jk am I really fine,
No, but no one seem to notice,
So all I say is “I’m fine”
By six again :/ :(
Lizzie Matthias Oct 2019
Hah, look at me,
Giving up!
I can't do it,
I really can't.

It's my job, my duty to help
And I can't!
I can't, I'm sorry!
I really can't!

Confusing feelings about love
Something I can't explain.
It's my job to help though, and I can't!
I really, really can't!

I'm sorry!
So, so sorry!
It's no fun without you!
I love you!

Aha, I can't! :D
It's too hard!~
Hehe, I can't!
I can't, I can't, I can't!
Lizzie Matthias Jul 2019
"Love you"
"A lot"
                                                       "aw yay"
                                           "I love you too"
"Please know that"
"I really do"
                                           "I believe you."
Lizzie Matthias Aug 2019
So much room,
left alone.
Quiet place,
a little dome.

Can I stay way up there?
Away from all the trouble here?
I can find a way.
There’s always a way!

I built a rocket
to fly up high.
To reach the clouds,
further than the sky.


Glorious, it’s magnificent!
There’s so much beautiful life!
From slimy creatures, to fuzzy bow ties,
there’s just so much to see!

I met a man,
nearly twice my size.
He pat my shoulders and said,
“You worked so hard, you got a prize.”

We became good friends,
this man and I.
He never said his name,
Maybe it’s a gargle.

I took him on my ship,
he nearly didn’t fit.
I designed the door only for me,
but somehow he got in.

He showed me to his home.
It was stunning, to say the least.
A beautiful meadow on the horizon,
A pink river above me.

I tried to touch it,
but he took my wrist.
“It’s dangerous,
do not touch.”

There were no trees,
But surprisingly, I could breathe!
I took a deep breath,
And ran towards the flowers.

Again, the man stopped me.
They bite!
They feed off the young!”

“I can’t do anything!
Why did you even bring me?!”
The man sighed.
“To show you the true horrors of your creation.”


That was months ago.
Now I live by myself
in my ***** little dungeon.
A ***** little dungeon in the vacuum of space.

My prize,
my creation.
Was it a figment
Of my imagination?

The man,
that ginormous man.
He told me good things,
very good things.

He told me of what I made.
My creation was a killer.
I am a killer.

I can’t let this be the last of me.
But I’ve lost all hope...
He shows me one thing in this vast, open galaxy.
Suddenly, I’m homesick.

I want to fly back.
All I want is my family.
I chased my dreams
With no second thought.

Mother... how are you?
Is the cancers back?
I don’t want you to be dead...
That’s the last thing anyone deserves.

Father... what are you doing?
Do you have a third wife?
How is your second family?
Sorry you couldn’t live with me in Germany...

Anastasia... how’s your studies?
Are you finally a lawyer?
I hope your dreams became a reality.
You really deserve it, after everything.

Nicholas... are you crying?
Please don’t bottle it all up,
you have a family who loves you.
I’m sincerely sorry I left.

Nathaniel... where are you?
Did you leave to chase your dreams?
Did you start a family?
I sincerely hope you didn’t leave Mother alone...

My friends...
Evan, Matt, Emma, Arica, Five...
Eli, Ryland, Lillian, Cacey, Sami...
There was so much I wanted to say...

Giving up is for the weak.
I can’t give up,
Not now, of all times...!

For the first time in months,
I get back up to the control panel.
I chuckle a bit,
and push some buttons.

Last time I was here,
I was running away.
I’m running back.


A sister planet to the last one,
the one that ended my dreams.
The other blew up.
Too many flowers.

It’s just as magnificent,
just as beautiful.
But now, I feel a sense of dread.
A sense of dread and fear.

I want to cry.
I know that just as beautiful as it is,
there’s an underlying danger to it.
I could die at any second.

As I step out of my ship,
a child runs toward me.
I retreat back into my ship, my heart beating.
That child terrified me.

I don’t want to go back out.
There’s too much, too much-
The child is knocking on my door.
Oh god, help me, please!

I feel like I’m drowning in a puddle of lava.
Simultaneously choking and burning,
I have no escape.
I have no way to get out.

A cool hand sets itself on my cheek.
I try to open my eyes, but I can’t.
I can’t snap myself out,
out of this reoccurring nightmarish dream.

Suddenly, I gasp.
I’m in my bed.
Surrounded by my purple walls and white decor...
I’m back home.


Outside, I hear a loud rumbling.
I drop all my things and run to a window.
I see a rocket
and a girl.

We make eye contact,
her eyes cold and calculating,
mine curious and wandering.
She points something at me...

and I find myself being judged by God himself.
honestly what the hell did i just write
Lizzie Matthias Sep 2019
i wanted bangs,
but couldn't get them.
i wanna bang,
but no one wants to.
i wanna put a bang in my forehead,
but no one will let me.
Lizzie Matthias Dec 2019
Be a better friend
All memories end
Fall into a puddle
Of never-ending sorrow
Maybe if you stay alive,
Some new help will arrive?
Or perhaps ask for it,
Combat it,
Find a will to survive.
Lizzie Matthias Oct 2019
See one,
See two.
B 1.
B 17!
Lizzie Matthias Nov 2019
I hate my birthday.
No point in celebrating
a day of pain
and almost death.
The day an accident
took it's first breath.
Lizzie Matthias Oct 2019
put something on,
something nice and very you.
don't make yourself uncomfortable,
just make do.

you look nice!
it's very you!
the color, the style, the shape,
it's very much you.

people are complimenting you.
they're looking at you!
quick, smile!
they want to see that gorgeous face.

time to play your instrument.
a nice, gorgeous cello
slotted right between your knees,
leaning on your chest.

there's a boy staring...
he seems to like your outfit.
his eyes are straying lower,
and even lower still.

your hand is trembling,
are you alright?
"yeah, i'm fine,
there's just something on my mind..."

that boy,
he seemed to like you.
he stared at your bare thighs from under your skirt.
he stared at your visible chest.

he looked at you like you were naked,
gazing your body hungrily.
at least he never touched you
or made you feel wanted.

later while shopping,
someone's hand came a little too close.
you arched away awkwardly
and ran away quickly.

that boy,
that hand...
they won't leave your mind.
why do you keep thinking about something so childish?

maybe tomorrow you'll wear something nice again.
something that's very you.
maybe just your birthday suit.
that's very you.
Lizzie Matthias Sep 2019
a sense of nothing.
i want to sleep,
to end it all.
or at least just make
their screaming stop.
Lizzie Matthias Jan 2020
blow until
you can't no more
and nothing's there
Lizzie Matthias Jan 2020
Valentine’s day
I had an idea
What if we made them
Boxes of brownies?
It’s a step up from chocolates,
They like my baking, too
We’ll make some for everyone else, too
hahahahaha they better watch out
Lizzie Matthias Jul 2019
Sticks and stones
Might break my bones,
But nothing hurts more
Than the sound of her name
Coming from my lips.

By Six again! <3
Lizzie Matthias Jul 2019
My influence is spreading like cancer
Taking over everything and anything
Sometime you can stop it
But sometimes,
it's inevitable
And you if
you get
Lizzie Matthias Oct 2019
You can't help,
so stop offering it.
Can't go over to help look,
Or help work,
Or help breathe,
Or help watch.
Lizzie Matthias Nov 2019
i'm a cheat sheet
a cheap sheet
look to me for answers
learn nothing yourself
maybe you tried before coming to me
or maybe you just forgot
i'll help,
i'll help,
no cost at all.
i have the answers
and you'll use me.
then discard me
and forget me.
just a last resort anyway.
Lizzie Matthias Oct 2019
close your eyes
and hold me close.
oh dear,
hold me dearly to your heart.

it beats, and beats,
my love, you can't be beat.
it's strong, my will.
love you, i will.

i'm struck with grief!
i was struck by your handkerchief.
what have i done?
what have i done wrong?
you're too late, my dear
i'm off to war.
i'll see you soon
in a place on the sun.

at war with war,
no peace with peace.
in a war like this,
will the world stay in one piece?

with my back to france,
i'm back from france.
my darling,
i'm home.

the king,
oh yes,
i must see
the king.

he'll give me the news,
he'll catch me up.
i'll beg and plead
to make sure you're safe.

an hour of court.
he told me the news.
i can't wait
to be back with you.
cries of papa pierce the air.
i'm being hugged by two.
home, i'm here.
i'm here with you.

my darling cecilia,
i've missed you.
i've missed you dearly,
my darling.

little garth,
oh, how you've grown!
you're still a scrawny boy,
come, let us feast!
hours later,
we're finally alone.
garth in bed,
and the town at peace.

i'll grace your neck,
i'll pierce your skin.
i love you, my darling,
with all my being.

how war can change you,
how war has changed me.
the war has changed you too, dear.
is something wrong?

a strong case of disbelief,
i do think that's the case.
my dear, i'm alright.
i'm here, not dead but alive.

a long night of passion has met an end,
and our legs tangle in the bed.
now close your eyes,
and hold me close.
why did i chose to write this? good question. am i sleep deprived? good question. was this for school? good question. was this fun? good question. now, i shall nap.
Lizzie Matthias Aug 2019
aye, too bad I was raised in scotland with russian grandparents, my dad was an alcoholic, and then they took my to canada where i dealt with my crack addict uncle ****

also yeah, i’m recklessly lazy but, but, but-
i was raised in scotland then brought to denmark at 14, what do you expect.
Lizzie Matthias Jul 2019
I need to be alone

Alone to think;

Alone to ponder

Things that are not meant for me
Six again
Lizzie Matthias Aug 2019
dear elizabeth,

you’re hurting yourself. you’re hurting others. you’re lying to yourself. you’re lying to others. you’re keeping to yourself. you’re keeping from others. you’re being manipulated. you’re being manipulative. you hate yourself. you don’t hate others. you don’t love yourself. you love others. you don’t try hard enough for yourself. you try too hard for others. you want to leave. you want others to leave. you think you’re the worst. you think someone else is the worst. you know you’re dumb. you know everyone is smarter. you think everyone is against you. you think you’re against everyone. you think you’re going to die by your own actions. you think someone else is going to die because of you. you think you might die from suicide. you know someone will die from your own suicide and it won’t be you. you know you’re not alright. you know that they’re not alright. you think you ******* ****. you think they ******* ****. you want to try harder. you tell them they tried their hardest. you say you don’t understand what you did wrong. you know exactly what they did wrong. you want them to die. you think they want you to die. you want to die. you know you shouldn’t think that way. but what are you doing to stop those thoughts? what are you doing to make yourself better? what are you doing to help those around you? what are you doing to make things right between you and everyone else? what are you doing wrong? what are you forgetting to do? what do you think they’d do if you commit suicide? what do you know about what goes on behind closed doors? what are you keeping from others? what are you  doing to hurt yourself and why? what lies do you tell to yourself and others on a daily ******* basis? what things do you call others behind their back? what names do you call yourself when no one can hear? why? why do you do things like this? why do you keep lying? why do you hurt yourself? why do you want to commit suicide? why do you think they’d commit suicide too just because you did? why do you think they’re just as weak as you were in that one moment that changed your life? why do you think you have to be better? why do you think you’re doing that wrong? why are you doing that wrong? why do you do those things behind closed doors?

you’re ******* obvious, you *****. maybe try harder in the next life, the only reason you’d have one is for being so bad this life. redo it. it’s a never ending nightmare.

elizabeth matthias
honestly not having the best time right now, i came out here to have a good time and i’m feeling so attacked right now (joke i swear)
Lizzie Matthias Nov 2019
I don't want a long life.
To grow old isn't my thing.
I wanna die free.
The vision I have is beautiful...
I'm walking to school,
the sky is blue,
the trees are full,
and the color came back to my world.
My vision shows me wearing black,
my hair in a ponytail,
and I'm standing tall,
isolated from my peers.
I'm calm
and before I die,
I take a nice, long breath.
I step off onto the street,
in front of school,
away from my peers,
away from the trees.
I'm standing still,
hand on my bag.
I'm finally happy.
A red car crashes into me.
Just what I wanted.
I'm finally dead.
Finally happy.
Truly happy.
I know that the world would be happier,
my mom would have the funds to live.
My friends might mourn,
but they have each other,
They can help each other out,
that's what I'd want.
I want them to be happy,
but not with me there.
I want them to help each other,
and maybe my death will bring them together.
I want them happy,
I want them happy...
I want them...
God, I just don't know...
Lizzie Matthias Nov 2019
A word and a name.
We all meet her one day.
A girl named Destiny,
her majesty.
Our fate is her crown.

She’ll end you all,
begin you all.
She’ll make you sorry in the end.
Cuz she’s your Destiny,
her majesty.
Just by looking at her, knees bend.

But we fall.
We all fall.
And Destiny’s no exception.
With her life on the line,
it’s her life or mine.
An ultimate ultimatum.

Falling faster!
Can’t live without her!
This girl named Destiny,
it’s clear to see,
she only wants to help me.

means so much more to me!
Not some false hope
or a pure mistake.
She’s my Destiny,
her majesty.

Perhaps if I believe,
believe in what I see,
I’ll be alright.
No instincts such as fight or flight...
If I believe in Destiny,
I’ll be alright.

With her, I’ll be alright.
Together, we’ll be alright.
I trust in her.
Believe in her.
Because Destiny owes me a favor
and I plan to collect.
alright who drugged my juice
Lizzie Matthias Jul 2019
It's fine, okay?
Stop worrying about me.
That's my job to worry,
It has been for years.

I don't feel worthless.
I don't think you should stop.
I don't want to speak.
I don't think you're depressed.
I don't think you're great.
I don't think I'm fat.
I think I'm fine.
I think we're fine.
Lizzie Matthias Oct 2019
feed yourself until you ****,
then do it all over again.
"i'm not hungry"
"have my lunch"
"what'd you eat today"
"i'll buy you a snack"
i'll treat you to something
i'm too big anyway.
big fat *** for a ******.
***** for a plastic *****.
just take my excuses,
just take my food,
don't waste your time,
your money,
your food,
the air,
or space
on me.
i'm a waste anyway,
and who's saying i'm not?
Lizzie Matthias Jul 2019
"Why don't you just let me die?
Let me close my eyes and never open them again!
No one would care except like a few ppl
Just let me give up
Just let go of me

                            "Hey if that's what you want, I'll gladly block you on social media and ignore you at school
Not the right choice at all, but if it's what you want then yeah, I guess"

"thats not what that means at a l l"

               "Certainly what it sounds like"
                  "What does it mean then???"
Lizzie Matthias Jul 2019
Ehhh, Ich liebe dich???
I don't know!! I'm Danish, I barely know German!!!! Maybe if you spoke Danish or smthn
Lizzie Matthias Aug 2019
fake girl,
fake face,
fake life,
fake place.

wish i was real.
wish i wasn’t fake.
wish i had a life.
wish i had a place in it.

childish to wish that way,
childish to show my face,
childish to live my life,
childish to find my place.

nevermind, the tales are sad.
nevermind, i don’t want a life.
nevermind, i think i’m fine.
nevermind- d o n ‘ t  p u l l  m e  i n.
Lizzie Matthias Nov 2019
What did I

What did I

What did I do?

You’ve forgotten me.

I could stay right here for days

And nobody’d notice me.

I’d fall from action,

Fall from passion,

Fight my back to the top.

But time and time and time again,

I’ll be thought the same.

Think of me then,

Think of me now,

Compare me now and again.

Did I get better?

Did I get worse?

Either way you’ll be wrong.

Take me,

Fake me,

Desecrate me,

Everything feels the same.

But in my falling hours...

Will I ever feel the same?
Lizzie Matthias Sep 2019
The world is brighter,
the colors seem happier!
i don’t have to hide away
behind my fake little mask.

My friends who read this,
the bracelets aren’t because i’m hurting myself,
I just think they’re pretty!
Just like me!

I’m eating more,
or trying to!
Food is good...
Food tastes good.

I’m getting better,
Much, much better.
Secrets aren’t nice.
Secrets and lying don’t make me feel good.
Lizzie Matthias Sep 2019
i’m feeling blue,
what about you?
i wanna know the truth,
i’ll speak the truth.
i trust you’ll tell me.
i’m confident you’ll tell me.
Lizzie Matthias Jul 2019
You can be happy.
You can be sad.
But otherwise,
I’ll be watching.

Look to your left.
on yOur LeFt :D
Lizzie Matthias Aug 2019
Everyone’s doing it
They’re going through so much more than me...
So that’s why.

I didn’t mean for you to find out.
I was just lashing out,
I don’t know where it came from.

It’s not your fault,
I was foolish for thinking I should do it.
I heard everything about it, and still, I did it.

It wasn’t a panic attack, okay?
It felt more like a sensory overload, actually.
Don’t worry about me.

I’m fine.
Just ruined my friend’s birthday party :D
Lizzie Matthias Nov 2019
A bit too much
A little over the top
That’s what I am!
But will I stop?
What are boundaries?
Those are purely guidelines, oui?
Rules don’t apply to me
I’ll do whatever I want
“news flash, hair gel! i know him better than you do!” - literally me yesterday
Lizzie Matthias Dec 2019
Is she still my friend
If she lied?
Is she still my friend
If she's made me cry?
I want to think she is,
Want to think our relationship was real.
But after everything was revealed,
She ended up with lips sealed.
Lizzie Matthias Jul 2019
Oh, they'll be here soon!
I hope they are, at least!
I miss you!
Jeg elsker dig! <3<3
Lizzie Matthias Nov 2019
Take it and take me,
let me provide with all I have left.
Even with all that’s been taken from me,
and what little I’ve been given,
I’ll give to you.
I’ll give it all up for you.
I’d do anything for you...
Just say the words.
I’m at your will,
just let me give!
I can only give,
it’s what I was taught
and what I will teach.
Now, take me.
Let me give up for you.
Give to you.
Give in to you.
All I can do is give.
Lizzie Matthias Sep 2019
i’ve gone green.
being greedy, taking their ****.
completely jealous of what they have.
i’m staying green.
lusting for money
and an adventure i can’t have.
i’m going green.
turning to nature when i need her,
being calm in times of need.
i’ll stay green,
that’s how you like me.
i want to change
these feelings inside me.
color themed poems :D
Lizzie Matthias Dec 2019
Pull me in from shallow depths
Follow in my footsteps
Hide with me in shadows
Ignoring all that follows

Get away from trouble,
Come and play with bubbles!
No need to worry, anymore
That's too much of a chore
Lizzie Matthias Jul 2019
I'm happy, that's for sure!
Happy like someone drowning underwater.
Happy like someone getting rejected.
Happy like an anonymous girl writing poems online.
Lizzie Matthias Jul 2019
I look in the corner
There's a man in a chair
He stares at me, smiling weirdly
I smile back, waving happily
hehe that’s satan :3
Lizzie Matthias Jul 2019
Happy things are things you deserve
Not abusive friends
Not abusive parents
Not abusive partners
And you don’t deserve that, liebling.

Happy things are like drawing a nice thing
Like not stuttering while talking to the cashier
Like sightreading a piece by Paganini on the first try
Like finding out someone loves you back
And I’m happy for you, even if someone else isn’t! I love your work!

Happy things are like getting over a fear of planes
A fear of people
A fear of opening up
A fear of being out there
And I’m proud of you for getting over whatever it was! You improved, despite everything! Congratulations!

Happy things are like a Christmas present you always wanted
Or a birthday surprise you weren’t expecting
Or a popular poem you weren’t expecting to blow up
Or a good grade in a hard test! Good job, buddy! I’m proud of you!

Happy things are knowing people are out there that want to help you!
Happy things are having people around you that care!
Happy things are getting to choose what to do without fear of being judged
Happy things aren’t doing things for the sake of others

Improve for the sake of you, not because someone said so.
Maybe you don’t want to!
But if you’re not here…
Won’t people be wondering where you went?

No matter how small your account is on social media
No matter how little friends you have
No matter how much you think they don’t care
I can guarantee you, someone will be worried

But hey, what am I to tell you anything?
That won’t stop me from telling you to keep up the good work, buddy!
I’m proud of you for improving <3
(hehe I don’t make any sense)
Lizzie Matthias Aug 2019
Golden and

It sits next to a waterfall,
Near Dyjandi,
Vestfirdir, Iceland.
Perched on a rock.

Untouched for years,
It belongs to a girl.
A girl who has been looking,
Searching for years.
Lizzie Matthias Dec 2019
No longer a bother
And nothing to ponder
I'll be hitting the hay
Think about all this another day
Lizzie Matthias Aug 2019
he says he’s back but in speech, he lacks
the conversation grows dim, i’m writing on a whim
he finally responds, but not to strengthen our unruly bonds
he left and said, “my brother is need of my aid.”
eli please come back i wanna hear what you have to say about me comparing you to me as a second grader
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