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Lizzie Matthias Sep 2019
I'm here to listen,
not here to judge.
Feeling isn't a sin
and I won't hold a grudge.

I just need you to let me.
Let me see what's inside.
I can't tell what it's going to be
just by looking at the outside.

I don't make assumptions,
I won't tease you.
I'll listen to your opinions.
I'll help you be the best you.

The journey to bettering yourself is
long,
rough,
and tough.

But I know you can do it!
I'll help you do it!
I know you'll get better.
I know it get's better.
Lizzie Matthias Aug 2019
ā€œiā€™ll think about it.ā€
which means iā€™ll think about it
and always decline.
oh whatā€™s this? a haiku??
Lizzie Matthias Nov 2019
i love you, too
i don't understand it...
why?
what are these weird... feelings?
my stomachā€™s churning,
i think iā€™m gonna throw up...
hug me
kiss me
**** me
love me
i want it
i want it, right?
yeah
letā€™s go with that
Lizzie Matthias Oct 2019
By God, youā€™re pretty

No matter what you say.

You canā€™t change my mind.

Youā€™re better this way.



Your laugh is gentle.

It makes me smile...

Do you wanna

Stay for a while?



Canā€™t help me loving you.

You make me feel.

My love for you

Makes me unbeatable!



Iā€™m never silenced.

Never thought down on.

I want you to know

That Iā€™m rooting for ya~



Iā€™ll believe you

You donā€™t believe me...

But please,

When I say...



Believe me when I say

I

Love

You. <3
Lizzie Matthias Aug 2019
if you keep lying to yourself itā€™ll come true.
youā€™re not hurting yourself.
youā€™re not cutting.
youā€™re eating enough.
youā€™re not suicidal.
youā€™re not depressed.
youā€™re getting enough sleep.
youā€™re good enough.
youā€™re a good person.
youā€™re happy.
youā€™re okay.
youā€™re a good singer.
youā€™re a good artist.
youā€™re a good writer.
youā€™re understanding.
youā€™re a good friend.
youā€™re not manipulative.
youā€™re not sensitive.
youā€™re a good listener.
youā€™re able to vent.
youā€™re valid.
youā€™re listened to.
youā€™re not being manipulated.
youā€™re not lying to yourself.
youā€™re telling the truth.
youā€™re always there for others.
youā€™re patient.
youā€™re trying hard enough.
youā€™re not annoyed easily.
youā€™re a good cellist.
youā€™re a good student.
youā€™re a good child.
youā€™re funny.
youā€™re confident.
youā€™re not at all shy.
youā€™re creative.
youā€™re able to achieve your dreams.
youā€™re loved.
Lizzie Matthias Dec 2019
Will myself to sleep.
Will I go to sleep?
Too many thoughts.
Tired eyes,
Active mind.
I live my life wrapped up in lies.
It's quiet a bind.
Lizzie Matthias Jul 2019
Hereā€™s the story

of five kids.

Two girls

and one boy.

And the only one

who will speak the truth.



Weā€™ll start with the newest.

A tall Christian girl.

She wears glasses, likes books,

and likes to draw.

She seems happy enough,

no matter how quiet she seems.



But sheā€™s never happy,

never been alright.

Too much pressure.

Too many people.

She tries to make others happy

for the price of her own.



She felt forgotten by her family.

Forgotten by her friends.

Forgotten by her classmates.

Forgotten by the world.

I wish I could guarantee

that sheā€™s not.



She knows Iā€™m always there.

Always active.

Always awake.

And I'm glad that she does.

But then she breaks

like a clay piggy bank.



Iā€™ve only known her a year

but Iā€™d trust her with my life.

Sheā€™s like a mom to me.

Kind.

Doting.

But in a good way.



I call her Mum

and her girlfriend Papa.

I love them.

They love me.

At least...

I hope they do.



I will protect this girl with everything I have.

I will better myself for her.

I will help her through this.

I will listen to her problems.

I will prove I love her.

I will not let anyone else fall because of me.
Hej! First poem on here, hah. Hope it's good! It's part of a series too, I have it all written down! :D
Lizzie Matthias Jul 2019
Hereā€™s the story
of five kids.
Three girls
and one boy.
And a lonely child
whoā€™s heart I broke.

Finally, we get to the fifth.
An FTM kid.
They draw and write.
But theyā€™re on here, too.
I donā€™t want them to find out.

Iā€™ve said so much to hurt them.
All of us have said so much,
whether we meant it or not.
So, they closed themself
off from everyone.
Everyone in real life.

Iā€¦
canā€™t say anymore.
But, babe, if you see thisā€¦
Iā€™m so sorry.

I swore Iā€™d protect you and I hurt you.
I swore Iā€™d get better and I couldnā€™t.
I swore Iā€™d help you and I made things worse.
I swore Iā€™d listen and I couldnā€™t take it.
I swore I loved you and I do.
I swore I wouldnā€™t let you fall and I pushed you off the cliff.
Jeg elsker dig <3 Ich liebe dich <3 I love you <3
Lizzie Matthias Jul 2019
I swore Iā€™d protect you and I hurt you.
I swore Iā€™d get better and I couldnā€™t.
I swore Iā€™d help you and I made things worse.
I swore Iā€™d listen and I couldnā€™t take it.
I swore I loved you and I do.
I swore I wouldnā€™t let you fall and I pushed you off the cliff.
Iā€™m like, really bored so
Lizzie Matthias Jul 2019
Hereā€™s the story
of five kids.
Two girls
and one boy.
And the only one
who will speak the truth.

Next is the fourth.
A caramel haired girl.
She draws, she writes,
she reads and plays violin.
Sheā€™s rather two-faced,
but I know who she really is.

She's suicidal.
She's depressed.
Her family is Christian
and against her loving girlfriend.
All that leads up to
ā€œthe classic slicey-dicey!ā€

She thinks that no one cares.
She knows her parents don't.
She pours out her heart to me,
her wall, and her knife.
I wish I could help guarantee,
it'll all be okay.

She knows I'm always there.
Ready to listen.
Ready to care.
Iā€™m upset she always thinks sheā€™ll hurt me.
But in her defense,
she makes me worry.

I used to be jealous of her.
She used to be afraid of me.
But now sheā€™s the dad I never had.
Caring.
Doesnā€™t make me cry.
Well, not in a bad way.

I call her Papa
And her girlfriend Mum.
I love them.
They love me.
At least...
I hope they do.

I will protect this girl with everything I have.
I will better myself for her.
I will help her through this.
I will listen to her problems.
I will prove I love her.
I will not let anyone else fall because of me.
Hehe part two with 4! Sheā€™s amazing, but she doesnā€™t think so... meh, whatever :/
Lizzie Matthias Jul 2019
Hereā€™s the story
of five kids.
Two girls
and one boy.
And the only one
who will speak the truth.

Sadly, this is about me.
The one who speaks the truth.
A short-haired, short-figured girl
who has nothing to lose.
Maybe this shouldā€™ve been last,
but thatā€™s where the best is.

Friends say I need to eat.
Friends say I need a hug.
Friends say I need to stop.
Friends say Iā€™m too loud.
Maybe theyā€™re right.
Maybe I do need to stop.

I try to think that people care.
I try to make them believe that I care.
But when you hurt yourself,
doubt yourself,
or starve yourself,
It just makes me want to stop.

Everybody knows that Iā€™m here for them.
The fifth,
the fourth,
the third,
the first.
But whoā€™s there when I need to cry?

I try my best,
I really do.
But the only things you say are either
ā€œLizzie noā€
Or
ā€œLizzie stopā€

My only sense of help
Is the Internet and myself.
I promise Iā€™ll be fine, my friends!
I love me, okay?
Why do you think Iā€™m always up?
Why do you think I never have anything to say?

I swear I will eat.
I swear I will get a hug.
I swear I will stop.
I swear I will be quieter.
I swear I will stop hitting myself.
I swear I will respect myself more.
I swear I will protect you with everything I have.
I swear I will better myself for you.
I swear I will help you through this.
I swear I will listen to your problems.
I swear I will prove to you, once and for all, that I love you.
I swear I will not let anyone else fall because of me.

Are these promises to my friends...




or to myself?
Whoopsie doodles! That was kinda sad, but I swear Iā€™ll be fine!
Lizzie Matthias Jul 2019
Hereā€™s the story
of five kids.
Two girls
and one boy.
And the only one
who will speak the truth.

Hereā€™s the third.
An Italian boy.
He plays the cello, writes poems,
Watches anime and brags too much.
He seems rather confident,
But on the inside, he is not.

Much like the fourth,
he's depressed.
And much like the fifth,
he's insecure.
He doesnā€™t try to hide it, though.
E v e r y b o d y k n o w s.

Heā€™s getting help.
He has been for years.
But itā€™s just been getting worse
and everyone can tell.
I wish I could guarantee
that he is not alone.

He knows I'm always there.
A shoulder to cry on.
A pillow to hug.
But he doesnā€™t say anything.
Never.
Not unless the first talks first.

He used to make me uncomfortable
because he was weird.
Now he just makes me uncomfortable
because of his touches.
But aside from that, heā€™s amazing.
And he thinks I am, too.

He calls me Dad
and the first Mom.
I donā€™t love him like a daughter though.
More like a brother.
We look like twins, anyway.
It was just a Fourth Grade joke.

I will protect this boy with everything I have.
I will better myself for him.
I will help him through this.
I will listen to him problems.
I will prove I love him.
I will not let anyone else fall because of me.
Hehe heā€™s on here too but who says itā€™s a guy ;)
Also heā€™s not molesting me! He just does this weird thing with my knee and his hand where he spreads it out and God I hate him for that.
Lizzie Matthias Aug 2019
Okay.
I am okay.
Been through some stuff but...
Okay!
Everyoneā€™s gone through things,
Some not-so...
Good things.
But one day,
Even just for one day,
Everything
Will be okay.
Lizzie Matthias Jul 2019
How'd you feel if I set my room on fire
How would I feel if I set my room on fire
wait a second-
Lizzie Matthias Oct 2019
jejune
jejuly
je t'aime, monsieur
je t'aime, mademoiselle

i love you,
i love you,
but i was too naive to realize i'm being used,
being used by you.
what the fukc
Lizzie Matthias Jul 2019
I know Iā€™m there,
But I donā€™t feel there
I seldomly talk
I seldomly speak.
I į“·ā±āæįµˆįµƒ feel included,
But Iā€™m not the same.
I feel lonely inside,
But I donā€™t let is show
My expression say ā€œokā€
But inside says ā€œnoā€
I show Iā€™m ok
But itā€™s feel lonely inside
By six again
Lizzie Matthias Oct 2019
A chemical imbalance.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā That's it.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā That's all it is to me.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  It's hardwired that way
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  To give us no gain.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Only a single little
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Fleeting feeling
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā That no one can know.
Lizzie Matthias Jul 2019
I keep my door closed
So I can sleep.
But tonight it's open.
And there's a strange red light down the hall.
Plot twist: it's a nightlight
Lizzie Matthias Oct 2019
A little girl
who didn't know better.
A child
who was nothing worthwhile.
Only there for longing stares,
Only there for curious hands.
Big, scary, curious hands...
She might be at risk for something
oh, so dangerous.
But she'd never know.
She never knows.
She's just a little girl
with no world of her own.
When she's older,
maybe she'll be a little more aware
of her tiring, terrifying situation.
But no one can help.
They'd only laugh.
Wouldn't believe her.
Even while she's crying her heart out,
taking in deep, labored breaths...
Nobody's there.
Nobody was ever there for her.
And soon,
that same little girl
will be hanging
on her ceiling fan.
Lizzie Matthias Oct 2019
It's the little things that count.
Like little kids learning little skills.
Little girls chasing little boys.
Little blocks, stacked on top each other.

Or little girls, getting touched by big hands.
Little boys getting taken by big men.
Little kids with little skills.
Little kids who learn to count what little time they have.
little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little
Lizzie Matthias Jul 2019
Evan what the hell
Matt and I have been waiting
Where the **** are you
Respond to your **** texts kid
Lizzie Matthias Aug 2019
Thin fingers gracefully traced the neck,
Creating beautiful sounds in elegant patterns.
He speeds up,
Swiftly going from piano to fortissimo.

A pig interrupted from behind,
No, that was just a girl.
A girl squealing like a pig.
Couldnā€™t she just shut up?

The jejune girl known as Juliet was jumping up and down,
Her pink, floral dress bouncing up and down in non-existent wind.
She said something about her regional orchestra,
He grumbled a half-hearted congratulations.

He gently set the hairs of his bow back on his A-string,
but pressed down and pulled in frustration as two more voices interrupted him.
He knew who interrupted, and took a deep breath.

A thin, androgynous boy was smiling at the camera,
No doubt at Juliet.
Another boy was smirking,
A smirk that didnā€™t care.

Achilles laughed and asked what Roderich was working on.
On one hand, the Austrian was thrilled he asked.
On the other, he didnā€™t want him to ask.
So, he looked at his screen with a look of happiness, confusion and anger.

Hanna answered for him,
ā€œGolden Statues and Fallen Castles.
It sounds pretty good, but itā€™d sound better on harp.ā€
Roderich looked offended, as if someone took an ugly picture of him.

He tried to retort, but it fell on deaf ears.
The Faroese girl gasped and slammed her hands down.
Something fell. She cursed in Danish.
ā€œOne second!ā€ She sounded far away.

ā€œProbably knocked her mic down,ā€
Roderich thought, rolling his eyes.
Achilles wanted nothing more
Than to punch his forever disgusted face.

ā€œYou all know Apollo, some Greek god?ā€
Everyone nodded in various degrees of enthusiasm.
From an uninterested hum to a scream of excitement,
They gave her a signal to continue.

The Greek boy began to rant, cutting off Hanna.
ā€œOh my God,
A folk story said the ā€˜Harp of Apolloā€™ fell from Olympus.
Thatā€™s my all time favorite story, I think itā€™s very informative and interesting and i-ā€œ

ā€œThe Harp of Apolloā€
Roderich scoffed, interrupting him.
ā€œfell from Olympus?
Who found it and got itā€™s magic powers?ā€

The two Italians chuckled lightly,
but Hanna didnā€™t think it was funny.
ā€œThatā€™s actually what I was gonna say.ā€
Everyone shushed at her serious tone. Why was it so serious?

ā€œI have a challenge for you,
Find the Harp and get it back to Apollo.
Nobody has classes, right?ā€
She said the last word in a mock Austrian accent.

Unsurprisingly, Roderich rolled his eyes.
ā€œWhy? Itā€™s not like itā€™s real.ā€
She shrugged and said it might be ā€œfunā€.
Whoā€™s ever heard of fun?

An uncomfortable silence gave everyone time to think.
Eventually,
Achilles said goodnight.
Heā€™d play.

Romano screamed something in Spanish,
away from the camera, thankfully.
He slammed his hand into the mouse
and logged off.

Juliet waved the two goodbye,
blowing them each a kiss.
Roderich flipped her off,
and she logged off.

Hanna sighed
and said nothing.
The two made brief eye contact,
and then logged off.
Leaving the Austrian alone with his viola.
i just got progressively less and less creative as i wrote lol, but itā€™s based off a story i wrote in sixth grade so :/
rereading this, the first stanza sounds like *** ****
Lizzie Matthias Oct 2019
i canā€™t help,
but i try.
this might be the worse youā€™ve ever felt.
iā€™ll let you cry.

i wish i could promise itā€™ll be fine.
i wish i could promise itā€™ll be alright...
but all you can do is pine,
pine over your lost direction in life.

at least you said something,
at least you didnā€™t shut up.
donā€™t shut your mouth and say nothing,
donā€™t hesitate to interrupt.

donā€™t say it wonā€™t last.
donā€™t say
donā€™t
donā€™t...
Lizzie Matthias Aug 2019
Whatā€™s the difference?
They can both make you happy
Or give you severe diarrhea.
One way or another, it affects your life,
wether it be good or bad.
But, to be fair,
So does ******.
someone stop me from writing poems while drunk
Lizzie Matthias Jul 2019
Two more days of freedom
Then you're locked back up
In isolation

Why does this have to happen?
Why couldn't I stay home?
I just wanted to help...

Cancer this,
Radiation that.
Can't you just be healthy?

Please don't leave me,
I'm not ready.
I love you
No she's not going to prison, she has to go though radiation therapy again for cancer. :/
Lizzie Matthias Jul 2019
I used to be lover,

Now Iā€™m a hater,

My passion was to succeed,

But now I watch him bleed

Oh lord, what has come of me

Now I cope with the sound of music

Tap, Tap, Tap, inside my dull brain
By six agian!!! :/
Lizzie Matthias Nov 2019
oh, my lovely, little, loveless lovis
with your heart so full of pain
keep yourself in check, my dear
or iā€™ll need to have you restrained
???
Lizzie Matthias Jul 2019
I'm sorry,
Five.
I didn't mean to ask you of that...
But you're my new closest friend.
Lizzie Matthias Sep 2019
happiness is a dream
a dream i want to keep
i'll keep it so dear to me
it'll never fade away

but just like all dreams,
or most dreams, anyway,
i'll end up forgetting it
losing it
and it'll go away
Lizzie Matthias Sep 2019
Just some bad,
bad memories
I'd rather lose than keep.
They keep replaying
over and over again,
driving me crazy
until my last day.
a lil excerpt from a story my friend and i did lol
Lizzie Matthias Aug 2019
This is an ode to my cello
who's dream is to be on stage.
But when I mess up a note
it fills it with pure rage.

He let's me express my feelings
with something other than words.
His name is Castiel,
after an Angel of the Lord.

Every day, I hear his voice,
feeling joy when I play it through.
But sometimes my pitch is so off,
it sounds like an animal in a zoo.

He hears me sneeze from rosin dust,
and scream when I don't play right.
When I tune, we tell in agony.
My G-String peg was too tight.

He yells out in fear
when my brother touches him.
I jump out of bed and yell,
"DON'T TOUCH MY CELLO!"

But despite all this,
I adore my cello.
He's my golden boy
even without the golden sound.
I was looking through my old Creative Writing notebook and found this and honestly, could be better but I was in sixth grade, so...
Lizzie Matthias Aug 2019
donā€™t ask me if iā€™m fine,
because thatā€™s my line.
ā€œare you okay?ā€
ā€œyeah, how was your day?ā€

open up to me, hon.
spill it all until youā€™re done.
if you donā€™t your chest will tighten.
your anxieties will heighten.

i went through the same,
iā€™m the only one to blame.
you donā€™t have to keep it in,
...you shouldnā€™t have to keep it in.

i love you,
iā€™m sorry.
let me know about anything,
iā€™m open ears, hon.
ended horribly **** but iā€™m very tired again and it doesnā€™t make s e n s e
Lizzie Matthias Sep 2019
i giggle as i jump towards
the captivating light.
blinking, blinking,
it ***** me in
like juice from an orange.
i dunno
Lizzie Matthias Jul 2019
I have hopes and dreams to fly high
Just like a paper dragon
But alas, I'm stuck here on the ground
Unable to go anywhere
Just like a paper dragon
Lizzie Matthias Oct 2019
i don't say that enough,
not ever enough.
maybe if i said it more
everything would be alright.

please don't go,
please don't stay silent,
please don't stop being you,
please don't...

i'm sorry for what i said
i'm sorry for what i did wrong
i'm sorry for being a bad friend
i'm sorry, i'm sorry

i'm sorry i'ms rory i'm storry i'mst oryr r im sorry im sorru im' soryr i'm sorryr i im soryr im sory pleas e lplease lea s eplease pl as e dont go i'm soryr im osryrr ims srour
im so sorry..
Lizzie Matthias Jul 2019
I don't know what I'd do without you
My heart's already heavy
My body's losing motivation
Without you,
What would I do?

I love you
I'm sorry for whatever I've did
For what I've done to hurt you
Tell me what to do and I'll fix myself for you

If you want,
I can stop listening
If it'll get you to listen.
I can stop talking
If it'll get you to talk.

We can have an agreement:
You can stop talking about yourself
If you follow the rules.
Tell me if it gets too bad
Answer everything truthfully

You want me to follow your rules?
Okay.
If answering everything truthfully
Gets you to talk,
I'm all for it.

But please,
Don't stop telling someone.
You tell me all the time it's not okay
To bottle it up.
But here you are doing just that.

I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I'm sorry
Lizzie Matthias Sep 2019
"peculiar," i think.
i ***** more,
tears streaking
my pretty little mask.
my throat is sore from
the weird medicine
and i wipe my mouth
on my royal, purple dress.
what
Lizzie Matthias Nov 2019
It's normal
Been repeated
I've since been undefeated
But now
With her
I'll be standing lost and alone
And my stomach's all in shambles
My hearts been rearranged
My brain is overcrowded
Have I really been replaced?
Lizzie Matthias Aug 2019
messy room = cluttered brain
empty room = empty heart
Lizzie Matthias Sep 2019
a lust for a happy life,
seduction is strength.
i wave a red flag,
screaming,
ā€œiā€™m a hazard to you all.ā€
anger and danger,
my two weaknesses.
i take it out on others,
my personality will be my fall.
hehe
Lizzie Matthias Jul 2019
I want to see the world.
Not just be stuck in one place!
It might be nice here,
But it'd be a fun adventure, right?
Lizzie Matthias Aug 2019
ā€œWhy should I take care of myself?ā€
If you do everything out of spite,
Hear me out,
You canā€™t take care of yourself.
Lizzie Matthias Aug 2019
thereā€™s a time and place for everything
and i donā€™t know
when to keep my mouth
shut.
Lizzie Matthias Jul 2019
A girl looks out her simple window
Of her small, simple house.
On a simple street.
Full of simple trees,
Simple buildings,
Simple roads,
And stocked with not-so simple people.
Lizzie Matthias Jul 2019
And suddenly

I get that feeling

Nothing matter anymore

All I want to do is sleep,

Put my thoughts aside,

And sleep forever
Itā€™s six again <3
Lizzie Matthias Jul 2019
Can you smile for me?
Physically smile?
Itā€™s fine if you canā€™t, butā€¦
Then thereā€™ll be two monsters in your closet.
bUt I dOnā€™T HaVe a ClOsEt, liZzIe
Lizzie Matthias Sep 2019
like the snap of a finger,
the flick of a wrist.
a good day
can change
just
like
that.
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