You looked at me like love could grow,
But, I, am a garden choked in frost,
Our love could never blossom,
Never break the icy exterior,
You are the brightest sun and ,
And the winter grows stronger when I believe
that spring was possibly near,
I still doubt the light that reaches me,
I remember I learnt to freeze warmth too,
Now I spend my days surrounded by evergreen
Bound to wither forever,
And sadly my fate is sealed,
And you my love,
Have to bare witness,
Working over time to save me and yet still,
I frost every summer,
And still you warm,
And still we sleep,
And still when winter comes,
You, my love ,are gone.

North Texas is a land of storms and in 1970 so was our living room,
and when you're 6 years old you can’t just pick up and leave town.
Your stuck like a fence post in the middle of tornado alley.
The rain is going to come down hard.
The winds may knock you down, cause your heart is a trailer park.
That is just the way it is!
So, you learn to pray and sometimes look the other way,
like the eastern window of an old house.
Then no matter how you try part of it follows you
down the road are pieces of your past.
Like remnants of a tornado’s destruction and you find yourself sitting
back in that same old place even if it is just for a little while.
I look back and I see that 6-year-old sometimes and find she is not that far away.
Just another rain storm away from remembering
what not to say.

We cradle the precious things

and place them carefully upon our lap

the miracle of newness is like a sacred prayer

it is hands raised high and heads bowed low

yet always in that moment eyes opened wider

we marvel and bask in the wonder of it all

it is a full moon in a hungry sky

hope’s whisper of a million questions

before the answers will ever reach our lips

a blooming garden at our feet

a child’s hand clutching ours

yet still we walk too fast

as time brushes by.

It is the open arms that we long for;
the bright lighting up of the eyes when we enter the room.
An old man can deny it, but the 5-year-old within still knows.
We want to be welcomed like a sunflower field,
or the sweet voice of a grandmother at the door.
The need to truly belong is a force in itself.
You see everything in life has an impact;
the power of love and the compulsion of hurt.
The open doors and the slammed ones,
the last words spoken and the welcoming's,
our heart never forgets them.
You were too weary for open arms,
and too hurt to truly shine.
Truths an old man can discern,
but a child
can only feel lost in the darkness of it all.
For it is the open arms that we long for;
the bright lighting up of the eyes when we enter the room.
An old man can deny it, but the 5-year-old within me still knows.

okay, imagine
for once, not the worst of it
a house, cottage-like, at the edge of the countryside
or perhaps in a small town
there's the slow mornings, lazy afternoons, and evenings smelling of comfort and vanilla
from the candle or from you?

                                                           ­everything is perfect in theory  


the curtains are the softest fabric, faint, see-through, gauzy
almost predictable, lighting up the living room
and every time the sun falls at a particular angle
it brightens up the insides, stripes in horizontal and vertical
criss-crossing, like heartbeats in a totem

music plays off a vinyl, in the corner,
the record player sits
dainty-looking, majestic—as if it owns its spot
and it does


                                                          ­   can hear the hum of the water
                                                           ­          lie in the shower, to relive



the kitchen's a mess of shades ranging from "aesthetic" to chaotic love of academia
there's stacks of books, every corner, even by the windowsill
candles and lanterns, no lighting that'd be too bright to compare what the moon leaves behind
warm, glowing dim like sunsets, golden

lava lamps, ranging in shades from purple to blues
every night, watch the stars change colors
they're there on the walls and the ceilings
the room's threaded, as if built in mattress and moss
with green vines covering every spot—wild, freeing


                                                     ­       there's so much beauty within



the unseen: journals and ink-splotched sheets
there's the love for unknown, no fear
like living in a house that sings its own rhyme
speaks its own rhythm
builds its own poem



                                              a small space encompassing a home  
                                                          ­    home is the one you're with  
                                                        in­ person, in your own



you walk in, slip through the doors
they don't creak, open with the smell of innocence and warmth
flooding in are feelings, the unspoken
soft footsteps, bare or clad in socks
making their way through the wooden flooring
the soft hum and tap of the house's backbone



                                                     ­        why did we not feel it before?




resembles a daydream from the front
the porch is filled with pots, stones, and herbs
there's a pathway through the backdoor leading to a garden so immense
lie on the grass, soft to touch, like you're on a cloud
and look up, watch the stars


              coffee, would you like that or some tea in the mornings?  
                                i'd go for a hot chocolate—marshmallows 
                       let's cook s'mores, how about you pull out a bonfire  
                                                  sit, once without the glaring screens  
                                                 the flames are gleaming,
                                   calling out something from within, see it?




the humongous, otherwise intimidating, glass panes
leading to what is the balcony, u-shaped
and it's almost like half the moon
crescent, everything to imagination
rekindling what couldn't be true


                                                 stack up the pancakes and churros—  
                                                      ­  sugar, bad in breakfast
                                                       ­    who cares, it's one life
                                               i'll live and love, may it be in disguise
                                   to worsen it all—in bed, put the tray down
                eat half-asleep, waking up to cherry-clad cupcake-y mess

and the fireplace?
oh, it sits at the bottom
beneath the show of screens, it lies, unearthened
and every time there's a fire in the furnace
it reminds, combining the breath shared, the touch, the earth
each element having come to show off its play


                                                 unpreced­ented, watering those plants  
                                                        ­they're babies, excuse me
                                                              ­   i have to enchant

close your eyes if you can see
being greeted with a hug and a kiss
and the cat hisses, almost painstakingly impressive
trying to express the day's worth of boredom
love isn't so reckless


                                        read the incantations with me  
                                      sit in the candlelight while the storm hurries  
                                      and it could be in the grave depth of nights  
                                           isn't it gruesome yet befitting
                                                       i love the nightlife

it is only cathartic, dreaming of peace
knowing achieving is like putting iron to test for coal
hoping it'd turn diamond, except even iron burns
upon contact with charcoal

have you dreamt before?
oh, something meaningful that lies in the corners
stories behind your eyes,
or the pits of your heart, hidden, well protected
the best kept secret—
we all have ours, but hiding from what?


                                                        ­                  work the work  
                          leave the thoughts of the outside where they belong
                                                          ­we've lived so hard and long
                                      dance this evening, holding hands
                                      together as we might be forlorn

uncover everything and beyond
for if they can't handle, let them fear the pressure of it
they won't stand tall
and that's how you differentiate
who handles, who is there
ingenious, romanticising the otherwise slow life
that seems to be passing by, scaring me in the process

i'd live to delude in the illusion of what lies beyond
or even parallely, there's always one of those
so here's to cheering in the midnights
typing upon the old keys, hoping it'd be the 90s
and perhaps there'd be a ball, for the ones who hope
masked as they will dance
praying upon the lunar moon
their wishes may come true


                                           lonely souls beckoned to the wishbones  
                          pull your side,
                                  do you get the shorter end or the longer?  
                                                       ­        believe as you might



light a candle at 11:11
and blow it when the clock turns 1:43
believing is inhumane
but i set my clock and timer to test
how wrong could it even possibly be?