It’s those words that I’m afraid of the most
The ones you haven’t yet spoken
Latching onto me like the veins that run through me
Circulating through me again and again
******* both my time and emotions out of me
Sooner than I can process, one grows into a swarm
Making it impossible to resist the current
But once I seem to be drowned by the flood
Once I’m on my last few breaths
Everything drains
Left with not even a drop

alone
surrounded by the people I don’t know anything about
the people I have a history with
here I am
here and now
and now only
thinking
feeling
being
in the present
yet tempted by anything and everything else
why think about what has already happened
why feel for something that hasn’t happened yet
why be anything other than what I am now
would it make a difference
but as much as I want it to be that way
I feel for the past
and think about the future
and wish to be anything other than what I currently am
my body is present
while my mind wanders elsewhere
but
only now
now and here
I am here
alone